Learning through Suffering

I saved this picture from the cover of Coonhound Bloodlines magazine, the December 1996 edition. It's watercolor for one, and it depicts my favorite dogs for another. Redbone Coonhound puppies are soooooo cute! This is pretty much what Quigley looks like now. When we take him to the vet, technicians have to come out to see him and pet him and coo over him.

Today was a good day. I got to go to church, Quigley was good, and my car is finally fixed. Hurray! Thursday was not good. I went on the internet and read about dog training. Pretty much everything I could find advocated "gentle, positive methods of training" where you never reprimand your dog, only find ways to redirect him so you can praise him, where you never make your puppy feel uncomfortable obeying you, or, it would seem in any of his interactions with you. As for biting, said one article, if your puppy bites hard enough to break the skin you have an aggressive dog and had better see a veterinarian behavior specialist to evaluate as soon as possible.

I was freaked. Looking back, I just want to slap myself upside the head and ask, "What were you thinking???" Everytime I go on the internet I learn stuff that freaks me out and turns out not to even be valid or relevant to my situation.

I tried some of their advice and it only made things worse. Quigley needs more than "Just leave the room for a minute when he puts teeth to your skin." Let's see, I'd be like a jumping bean, going in and out of the room every other minute. Quigley's kind of like an eel. At a certain point when you're petting him his mouth flies open and never closes as it swings back and forth after your hands... and he's sooo fast. Teeth are touching skin before you can even register it happened.

Well, so many things happened this weekend, that I'd be here all night, but the upshot of it was I realized I've been obsessing over the dog. Again. Instead of sitting back and trusting the Lord to handle things, I was thinking about the problem, trying to figure out what to do about it, and going to the world to look for a solution. Today I decided, Phooey. Back to business as usual, so much as I can. The Lord will have to protect Quigley from his strange appetites (the roots of bermuda grass, rocks, charcoal, wood, pine cones, roofing materials, weeds, leaves, sticks and anything else that comes into the yard) and He will be the one to fix him, not me. I will do what I do, what I'm led to do, what I've done with the past five dogs we've raised... Jake, Grumpy, Sam, Boomer, Bear...

It occured to me in Bible class the evening of the day I read all that stuff on the internet... Jesus learned obedience through the things that He suffered. We learn obedience through suffering. In fact, we often learn things through suffering we could never learn by any other way. The Lord sometimes deliberately puts us through it (this has all been in current Bible classes) so we can be alone with Him and learn things about ourselves and about Him.

Suffering is not a bad thing, through our society has made it seem so. People are constantly trying to make sure nothing bad ever happens to anyone. No one should ever suffer pain, mishap, injury, accident, disease, illness, being offended.

Last year in our hundred year old Rodeo Parade, a five year old girl riding in the parade was killed when horses pulling a wagon behind her bolted and ran over her and her horse. It was a tragedy, but the little girl did know how to ride, so it wasn't totatlly unreasonable for her to be in the parade (though she was under age according to the rules). She'd been around horses all her life and everyone knows when you deal with horses, these things occasionally happen. Horses are big and stupid (though not as stupid as sheep, I will point out!) and they have a lot of strength and speed. People get hurt. Horses get hurt. Yet what was the unending refrain on every newscast relating to this story? "What can we do to make sure this never happens again?" "We must work hard to make sure this never happens again." "H0w could this possibly have happened?!"

I use this just as an example of how accidents are treated. Horror! Shock! The sense that no one should ever suffer anything under any circumstances. Yet that is not the Bible's view.

Well, anyway, I decided that if Jesus could learn through the things He suffered, if I could learn through the things I suffer (and, in fact, must with certain kinds of lessons), if my son learned obedience from the things he suffered, it doesn't seem like such a bad thing if the puppy has to learn things from suffering like all the rest of us. Of course by suffering I mean, reprimanding him, pushing him off the table when he jumps up to put his paws on it and see what he can steal, lifting my knee to bump his chest when he jumps up (more like hurls himself at me), telling him NO from time to time. It even means he can scream in his crate until he learns that he is not the only one who gets to decide when he's going to go into it.

And I will recall that I have a book to write, which I am called to do by the Lord Himself, and it takes precedence over the puppy.

Speaking of, I am currently engaged in trying to come up with a master outline. I have combined about four lists of events, plotlines and sequences into one master document (everything but the kitchen sink, it seems) and now have to make it coherent, logical and more streamlined. Not an easy task, but when it's done, I think I'll be able to write fairly smoothly, especially when I'm not requiring the writing to be anything but lousy!

Grace,
Karen

Reflections on Psalm 37

In Bible class the other day, Pastor Bob talked about how God has a fantastic plan. "He promises to give you the desires of your heart. But many of God's people say, 'Well I've been doing A, B and C for God, and He's not given me those desires.' Whynot? Bcause you wanted to give to God, serve Him, and honor Him to see what you could get out of it."

I asked myself, do I do that? At first I thought not. I serve and honor God because I love Him. Because what else is there? Who else is even remotely worthy? Who else has the power? But... most of that's kinda like sucking up to the king, now, isn't?

You recognize who has the power to bless and promote so you serve him, treat him well, do what he asks. And then, when he doesn't bless or promote like you'd like, you're angry and sulky. You feel sorry for yourself. You compare what he's given you with what he's given others and you feel resentful and jealous. As if you've been treated unfairly.

You've forgotten who you are and what He did for you. And you are most definitely serving for what you can get out of it. If you have any kind of reaction whatsover when you don't get what you wanted -- the sales, the approval, the recognition, people doing what you want them to do -- when you think you've been serving and doing what God wanted and yet you're not happy with how things have turned out... then you probably need to take another look at your motivation.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your paths. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. ~ Proverbs 3:5,6 ; Psalm 37:4

In all your ways acknowledge Him does not mean giving a nod to God as you go about your plans. Delight yourself in the Lord doesn't mean you like God and think well of Him. That word for delight really has the connotation of making love to Him. That means intense focus. That means you put aside all your own concerns and desires for the sake of the beloved. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, all your way of thinking, all your self. All of it His thinking, none of it your own understanding...

I memorized this series of verses long ago. I'll bet a lot of people have memorized them and claim them, but they are not unconditional promises. There are some things you have to do before the Lord is going to give you "the desires of your heart." And those things are huge.

This is not some surface thing, not yet another way of getting what you want out of life. All these words speak of major inner transformation and focus and devotion.

Pastor Bob said, "Not until you let go of your life, your personal goals and visions and recognize that God had a Plan -- He's put you here (not to be a successful, respected writer) but to live like Jesus Christ."

He's not even put me here so I can be a successful, respected Christian (from the world's point of view.) I'm here to be a witness in the legal trial that is the angelic conflict. To concentrate on thinking the right thoughts. On enduring. On taking all the doctrines I've learned and applying them to my life. On loving myself because of who and what He's made me to be -- a new creature, perfect in his sight. It's being a witness in the invisible war in which we fight. It's remembering always that the only thing I deserve is eternal condemnation. The only thing any of us deserve.

It is focusing on and appreciating all the great -- but often invisible -- things we've been given as believers in Christ, and not worrying about our plans, our work and whether it brings about the results we desire. It's God who's doing the real work, and it is bringing about the results He desires.

Karen

Q and A: Favorite Books, Part 2

QUESTION: How do you decide which book to take into your hands, and which book to stop reading if it goes too far, and how do you detach yourself from the content of it?

ANSWER: One of the important things I've learned about is the existance of "Divine Institutions", a social order of authority that God has set up for mankind. There are four of them and they are, 1) the sanctity of each person's individual volition in choosing things in life, 2) marriage (with the man in authority over the woman), 3) family (parents in authority over the children) and 4) nationalism (which includes military activity, which the Bible sanctions. Another huge subject). These institutions are not just for Christians but for everyone, and many unbelievers abide by them. Particularly in times past.

Many so-called "secular" books uphold these principles as they tell their stories. The Hornblower series comes to mind in this regard. Honor, courage, self-sacrifice and true principles of leadership and chain of command abound. As well as many other elements, including some analogies to Christ that I doubt the writer intended, but that I've found very illuminating.

Generally secular books portray people as they are without a relationship with Christ. Personally I'm not interested in reading about too much of this without the establishment principles -- I don't care for books that follow a person as he sins and sins and sins and that's the end. I want books that end well, where the characters learn something valuable and true, because the truth is, we who have a relationship with God through Christ do have a good ending ahead of us. Another truth is that people who live by the divine institutions as unbelievers will be blessed. I like books where justice and good prevail, because in the end they do. I can usually tell from the synopsis of the book or a review where it's going, and make my decision about reading a book accordingly.

As for how do I detach myself from the content, usually I don't do it very well. Which is one reason why I try to stop reading before I get far enough into it that I'm going to have a problem. And also another support for daily study of God's word. It helps to break the influence some books' worldly and evil contents might have gained over my thinking.

Grace,
Karen

Q and A: About Your Favorite Books List

QUESTION: "As a relatively new believer, I now read ... exclusively books written by Christian authors. I have seen the list of books you recommend, and many of those books are not written by people who believe. How do you select these books for you? How do you keep from being affected by views of people who may not know the truth? I know it is essential for you, being an author, to develop your skills through reading other authors, but how do you decide which book to take into your hands, and which book to stop reading if it goes too far, and how do you detach yourself from the content of it?"

ANSWER: The single most important way I protect myself is through the daily intake of the Word of God by means of the man I believe is my right pastor teacher. My pastor studies the Bible daily and deeply, then teaches (almost daily) based on his understanding of the original languages, the historical and cultural setting at the time of writing and how other pertinent scriptures in the Bible compare to the one being looked at.

After becoming saved, the new believer is challenged "to grow in grace and the knowledge of Jesus Christ." "God is spirit and we must worship Him in Spirit (the Filling of the Holy Spirit) and in truth (knowledge, belief and application of the word of God)." We are to "present our bodies a living sacrifice" (bring them to where they can hear the word being taught) so that our minds might be renewed or, more accurately, renovated. God's ways and thoughts are not our ways. There is a complete worldly/human way of thinking that is totally different from God's viewpoint. We must set ourselves to learn His viewpoint and make it ours.

In any subject we care to master (tennis, bridge, computer games, a foreign language, math) the more we study and practice it, the faster and better we learn it. Daily practice is the best. So why not apply that obvious principle to the most important thing of all: our spiritual lives and relationship with God? Through the daily study of God's word I come to learn what is truth and what is false.

It's not just knowledge of the word of God, however, that helps me choose my reading material. I also rely on the filling of the Holy Spirit to guide me. If I start a book and don't like the things I'm reading... I quit.

I suggest you do likewise. If you don't feel led to read a book at all, don't. If you read something by an author that you see is very much against the Word but is being presented as fine and even good or normal, stop and don't read any more by that author. I have a couple of authors whose past work I've loved but who are moving in directions I don't care for. Life is short. You don't have to finish every book you start and you certainly don't have to read all the books you think you might like to or that people tell you you should. (Also, if I'm not completely caught by a book in the first chapter or so, I often skim through to find out where it's going, how it ends. If I don't like it, I set it aside, which is just what I did -- standing in the store -- with Philip Pullman's Dark Materials trilogy .)

You're right to be concerned about all this. We are to take care what we hear and see and read...

Tomorrow, Part 2: A few things that help me to select and enjoy secular books.

Grace,
Karen

The Old Quigley Returns

Okay, yesterday really was a respite. The old Quigley returned today, full of spitfire and mischief. New skills: barking continuously as I cook anything, because he thinks it is for him and can't wait, and even if it's not for him, he wants it to be for him.

He also has diarrhea from the diet change, I think. Or maybe the edible nylabone, which we thought was fine, until I got a non-edible puppy nylabone today. I gave it to him and then noticed on the packaging that I was not to use the bone until I'd read the enclosed paper. Which warned against giving the new bone to a really strong puppy chewer. How are you supposed to know what a really strong puppy chewer is? It also gave information about all of the other nylabone products including the edible bones, which should never be given to dogs who don't have all their adult teeth because it's not suitable for the immature digestive systems of very young puppies. Swell. Is that why he has the diarrhea?

Okay, no one cares about this, but that's been part of my day. It means he has to go out a lot. It means I have to think about about why it's happening (food change, overeating, stress)

I did finish the first scene in chapter 14 and started thinking about the second and final scene in that chapter. I also listened to Quigley howl and scream in his crate during Bible class (when I had a friend over listening to class with me; he was fine last night when I did it alone. Naturally). Then after class, as I was making dinner he stood in the kitchen and barked incessantly, despite instruction not to. Finally I put him in his crate. Then he screamed and howled and barked and protested. At last he quieted and I let him out.

Stu came home, and the barking in the kitchen began again, combined with frantic jumping on the counter and chewing on the cabinet hardware, biting my clothes... So it was back to the crate for more screaming. I wore my earplugs and gritted my teeth. He quieted after only ten minutes or so...

It's amazing how nice and fun he can be for most of the day but around dinner time... the torture begins. Ah well. This too shall pass and soon he will be a big, grown up dog. I am making a point, despite all the puppy annoyances, of enjoying the things about puppies that I love. He will let me hold him and pet him for as long as I want earlier in the day. And he is still SOOO cute! Even when he's barking imperiously in the kitchen, or jumping up.

Okay, I am beat. Time for bed. But at least I got a post in, when I thought earlier I might not.

Have a great weekend,
Karen

A New Dog?

This morning I asked the Lord for a respite from my 16 hour focusing on the dog days. He answered. Quigley was soooo good today! He was like a different dog. I was concerned he might be ill, but he's eating and playing well, so I think not.

He's been really good about not biting, and stopping when I say no. He jumps beside me when I walk around the back yard, rather than on me. We just had a lot of fun today. One of the things I really enjoy is when I sit on the floor and he comes running over to get in my lap, or just hang over my leg and chew on whatever I give him to chew on. He seems to settle and I love to pet him. He's so soft and warm and puppy-ish.

My camera still labors to get good shots of him. In all three of these I've posted today, he's moving. In one, he was so cute lying there. Then I clicked the shutter and he started to bound up -- so his ear is flopping out in the exuberance of his movement!

I don't know that I've ever put so much of the dog training into the Lord's hands before. I don't know that I ever thought I could. But if something's big enough to worry about, it's big enough to put in His hands. I am so aware of what I don't know and how poorly I execute, but I know that He knows exactly what is needed. He also knows I'm not going to do everything right. Or even much of anything right. Or so it's felt from what I realize now is the old perfectionistic viewpoint.

Anyway, I'm not worrying about how he turns out, something that used to be a big concern for me. I'm not worrying about whether I do the right thing or not. God will show me what to do, and take up the slack for my bungling. I'm not even worrying about whether he eats something bad in the back yard, which is a fear this latest development has stirred. Helped along by the vet who said we should take all his blankets and stuffed toys away and ... and I don't know what. Lock him in the crate 24/7 until he stops trying to eat everything in his periphery? Phooey.

He's a dog. He's a hound. They eat weird things. God will have to take care of him, because I have a book to write, and can't be chasing the dog all over the yard trying to pry every little thing out of his mouth.

And today, he did a lot less of it. Today he seemed to understand that I don't want him to jump on the laundry basket and tip it over, spilling all the clothes onto the ground. And though he was tempted, he didn't do it. Today I left him for 20 minutes in his crate and went to the store. He was fine. I just can't get over how nice today was.

I even got a lot of work done on Black Box. I finished reworking the first half of ch 12 and started in on ch 14 -- did 6 pages. So I'm happy with that, too.

Oh, and I got an email about a blog post called "17 Ways to Stop Being a Perfectionist and Get More Done" (good timing there). I thought it was a good article. Most of it I've heard/read before, but it never hurts to be reminded, because it's a habit that is all too easily fallen back into. You can find that here.

And here's my last pic of Quigley, running toward me in response to my "Come" command. (He's also learned to "sit.")


Grace,
Karen

Q and A: About the Need for Blood

I've had a number of questions from readers on various things, from my books, to some of the blogs I've posted, to my opinions on various matters so I thought I'd start a new category, Q and A, to answer some of them. This question relates to one of my previous posts, The Need for Blood.


QUESTION "[I know] blood sacrifice is a key factor in the pre-Messianic covering of sin, but what about those in the Bible who weren't able to do the sacrifices? The best example would be Daniel. That would be a Mosaic Law example. But then there's the factor of all the pre-Mosaic Law people like Noah, Abraham and even Melchizedek. We know of blood sacrifices (you described Cain and Abel), but to what extent were there sacrifices? How much blood was there?"

ANSWER: Let me start with the pre-Mosaic law people, who were part of a patriarchal form of worship where the patriarch of the family served the priestly role by offering sacrifices for himself and his family. They were animal sacrifices. Like Abel who kept the flocks and offered the lamb/ram, so did all after him.

Noah was required to bring "every clean animal by sevens, a male and his female;" whereas the unclean were only to come by two, a male and his female. Sacrificial animals are definitely among the clean animals and Noah offered sacrifices after deliverance from the Flood in Gen 8:20. The specifics of his offering are not detailed beyond the fact he's offering animals and birds and they are burnt offerings.

Job, who was pre Abraham, offered burnt offerings for each of his 10 children after their feasting cycle, in case "my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts." He did this after every cycle or "continually" (Job 1:5) and we assume they were animals because til then that was the only sacrifice that had been described (God with his skins for Adam and the woman; Abel; Noah) At the end of Job, God tells Job's three "friends" that his wrath has been kindled against them and they need to "take for yourselves 7 bulls and 7 rams and go to My servant Job and offer up a burnt offering for yourselves..." (There were only three guys and they needed 14 animals: that's a lot of blood)

Abraham was a shepherd and he offered animal sacrifices numerous times during his journeys, but the most significant was when he and Isaac were traveling to Mt Moriah where he was to offer Isaac. Isaac noted the presence of the wood and the fire, but wondered "where is the lamb for the burnt offering?" Abraham said God would provide his own sacrifice, which He did in the form of the ram stuck in the bush. (Gen 22)

That incident, of course, is incredibly telling -- a total picture of the cross, and Christ, and how the lambs/rams that are being sacrificed represent his spiritual death on the the cross to come. Of course they didn't know it was to be on a cross because nobody did crucifixion until Roman times. They didn't know it would be a man in Abraham's day, either, just that God would provide the sacrifice. It wasn't until Isaiah that they began to realize the sacrifice would be a man (Is 53).

In Egypt, Moses asked Pharoah to let the people go so they could go offer sacrifices and burnt offerings to their God (which was why they needed to take their livestock with them --Ex 10:25,26). (And occurred before the giving of the Law.) Then on the first Passover as part of the ten plagues, a lamb was to be killed, its blood put in the points of a cross on the door posts and the death angel would pass over the house -- another picture of Christ.

As NT believers, having the completed canon of Scripture and the privilege of being able to look back and see the fulfullment of OT sacrifices in Christ we now know clearly that the Lamb was crucial in sacrifices and offerings. The references to the lamb are all over the word of God. And the connection between Christ and the Lamb, as well. That's no accident, and that's part of how we conclude that all those who came before the Law did indeed sacrifice animals, in particular, lambs. I suspect that it was sheepskins that God made for Adam and the woman.

Another factor to consider is the widespread practice in other cultures of offering animal sacrifices to pagan gods. Was that something they came up with on their own? I don't think so. I think it was perversion of the truth. From Cain on, it spread out, animals sacrificed to the wrong gods. Abram's father was priest to the moon goddess in Ur, where they offered sacrifices... what I'm saying is, the demon worship was a corruption of the sacrifices God had originally commanded.

Regarding Daniel and the other prisoners being unable to offer sacrifices... you have to remember that the temple had been destroyed, the country defeated, the shekinah glory was out of the temple long since. As a nation, the Jews were under discipline . But God is fair and knows the heart. If the heart understands the doctrine and desires to obey, then that is all that is needed. Conversely, sacrifices and offerings made without the right mental attitude are useless.

The Law was sent to show men they could not keep it. That they needed a savior. The Levitical offerings are all teaching aids and shadows of what would happen on the cross. Abraham believed God and it was credited to his account as Righteousness (Gen 15:6). The Law was never a means of salvation, only a picture of the need for it and the way God would provide it. Fulfilling the Law should have been an act of gratitude and recall of what man needed and what God would one day provide...

In His Grace,
Karen

Quigley on the Mend

Well, Quigley is still alive and doing well. We think it was the tangelo leaves which were lying around on the ground from pruning and which he apparently ate too many of. He's not vomited since this morning and then it was only a half-inch piece of the above mentioned tangelo leaves.

I've been giving him a couple of tablespoons of rice every couple of hours, which, as the day wore on was not enough. By evening he was frantic to eat. Barking, searching for food, jumping up, biting, generally going bananas. So I added shredded chicken breast and some yogurt to the rice and gave him a bit more. Tomorrow we combine it with regular food.

For a dog that requires multiple chews and treats to correct his continuing bad behavior, it is not good to have all those off limits. And since we didn't want him in the back yard unattended... it's been a tough day.

But he sure seems to have recovered his activity level. No more lethargy for Quigley! Stu wondered tonight if people ever went to the vet and asked if they could make the dog just sick enough to be nice instead of a terror. I said they probably give them tranquilizers, which I think they really do in some cases.

Quigley's new skills as of today: 1)barking to communicate and get his way and 2)jumping up on the kitchen counter. SIGHHHH.... and we hadn't even gotten the biting and jumping up under control! But my son reminded me tonight that Bear also bit and barked a lot and jumped on the counter. I'd just forgotten. It's been a long time.

Despite all that, I got a tiny bit of work done on Black Box. But I didn't do my fifteen minutes of email and I still have Bible Class to do.

And that test last night? I think I might have gotten a C. I went to bed, put earplugs in and left it all to God and my husband, which was a pretty big thing for me. And I slept about 75% of the night. But in between I struggled with a knotted stomach brought on by wrong thinking -- speculating on the future, focusing on the problem and what to do about it, among other things. Still it was an opportunity to keep rebounding and pulling my thoughts off all that and back onto the Lord. Who He is, what He can do, the fact that nothing which happens is out of His control, the fact that He loves me more than I can know, that His ways are not our ways but He will work all things together for good to those who love Him. He can even make Crazy Quigley beautiful. In His time.

Oh. Did I mention that His time is usually very different from our time? I read something about dog training today, emphasizing the need for patience and not to get too frustrated when the dog seems not to get it or to relapse or whatever, and you just have to keep giving the same commands or corrections over and over and over. It takes a long time and with some dogs it's especially hard. Quig is one. (And Bear was, too -- as attested to by the little trophy on my desk from dog training class: we got Most Improved Team, by unanimous vote! He was a mess when we started. Everyone figured we'd quit. But we didn't, and by the end he actually had learned some things.)

I guess this is an opportunity, too, to think about how it is for God with us (except He sees the end at the same time as the present and past) -- patience. Just keep on plugging and don't give up. That is so true in SO many areas of life.

Grace,
Karen

Miscellaneous Update

Last Wednesday and Thursday I was unable to access the blogger dashboard to do a post. Today I had more trouble and it turned out I needed to reset the Local Area Network. That seemed to work and here I am.

Last Monday (the 21st) I researched trigger finger treatments and discovered that what I have isn't tendonitis after all, it's some weird ailment that mostly affects older women starting in their 40s - 60s, and isn't a result of overuse after all. It just happens. They don't know why. You can have it in one finger or several. The doctor on the site I found said that he'd only seen one person have it in all ten fingers at one time and it was a handball player. He said that immobilization is ineffective, as are anti-inflammatory drugs, icing, and activity moderation. The first line of treatment is cortisone shots and if those fail, surgery. The longer you wait, the more likely surgery will be your only option. After either treatment, though, it might come back. Swell.

I made an appointment with the hand surgeon that day, but he was booked up for four weeks so it'll be awhile before I see him. Then a friend told me she'd had trigger finger and used chondroitin/glucosamine and it went away. So I decided to try that (since we have an abundant supply in the house) and see if it gets better before time for the appt. So far I haven't seen a lot of improvement, but at least I'm not trying to blame my actions for it, and have just gone back to doing whatever I need to do. The good news is, my shoulder is no longer giving me trouble, though that could partly be because I've still not been able to do much computer work with Quigley around.

Speaking of Quigley, he's been getting better in some areas and developing new problems in others -- like learning from the dog on the other side of the fence to join her in barking continuously at each other. And we had an incredible, two-hour, crating scream-fest last Friday night.

Today brought new troubles, however and the worst, yet: he threw up all his breakfast mostly undigested about six hours after he'd eaten it. Since at his age he is vulnerable to parvovirus, even when he's on the right schedule of shots, we were concerned he might have it and took him to emergency (why do these things so often seem to happen on Sundays?). Turns out they think it might be a blockage in the small intestine. X-rays showed no hard object like a rock or wood, but from the pattern of gas pockets the vet saw, she thought it could be some sort of thread or fabric blob. Or nothing but irritation from something he ate. Like orange and tangelo leaves, or dirt. Or cat poop. Or...??? She also said that she's had occasions when she's seen the pattern indicate an obstruction but upon cutting the animal open, finds nothing. Since Quigley eats everything, though we've been trying hard to keep him from doing so, it could any of the above.

Treatment options were 1) to give him subcutaneous fluids along with injections of antibiotics and famotidine and, assuming he doesn't vomit for 12 hours, see if he can then hold down food and water, 2) hospitalize him on IV fluids with possible barium drink/x-ray exploration to see if the blockage will pass with the increased hydration and 3) exploratory surgery.

We opted for treatment number 1, the least radical treatment of subQ fluids and wait the night out. Actually it was my husband's decision, because after the night I spent waiting with Bear during his acute kidney failure episode, I hate wait-the-night-out scenarios. But since I failed in that event so badly (spiritually speaking), evidently the Lord has decided to give me another shot at it. And what a surprise: that very principle was mentioned in Friday night's Bible class, which I actually didn't listen to until last night. If we fail a test, He'll graciously keep giving us another shot at passing it.

Hmm. Kind of gives you a little more motivation for passing it!

Grace,
Karen

The Sheep's Works

Sheep can do nothing for the shepherd. They cannot carry him when he's weary, heal him when he's hurt, guide him to water or pasture... It is the shepherd who does everything for the sheep.

In ancient times, sheep were a measure of a person's wealth. They were valuable animals that produced wool, mutton, and milk. The wool was by far the most valued production and was, of course renewable.

It was the wool that really struck me in the conference lessons. That is the most valuable production of the sheep: wool. Yet sheep do not consciously grow wool. They don't sit in the pasture and think, "I'm going to grow some wool today," then close their eyes and strain as they say, "Grow, wool! Grow!"

It's really the shepherd who has the most to do with the quality or quantity of the sheep's wool. If the sheep is well cared for and eats the good grass and drinks the clear water, wool is produced. All those things have to do with the Shepherd and how he cares for the sheep. If the shepherd brings the sheep to bad grasses, it will become malnourished. When it's malnourished, wool production is poor. The wool is shorter, thinner, brittle. And other areas of sheep production are not as good either. The milk is not as nutritious or as abundant. The lambs may be smaller, skinnier, fewer and weaker...

This analogy to Christian works could not be better. Readers occasionally write to thank me for being obedient to God's calling to write. The sentiment has always left me somewhat bemused, and now at last I have the proper metaphor to express why. It's like going into the field and thanking the sheep for making wool, when all the sheep did was follow the shepherd and eat what He provided. The wool was a side-product from the sheep's point of view. Better would be to thank the shepherd for taking such good care of the sheep. Or to thank the sheep for eating, but that seems a little weird, too, since what's so special about eating? Sheep are dumb, yes, but even they know how to eat!

Now, whenever I hear the term "bring glory to God" I visualize myself sprouting wool -- whatever production I have is something I do because I'm designed to do it. If I'm eating the right spiritual food and drinking the pure water, at rest and content, then it's going to happen. Not because of me and my intent and my plans, but because of my Shepherd's.

Grace,
Karen

Big Bad Shepherd

I have an old Reader's Digest book called Great People of the Bible and How They Lived. I don't much care for the text but the photos and illustrations are fabulous. One of these, by artist Paul Calle (back in 1974 -- he's come a long way) involves a lion making off with a sheep, in the midst of four bare-chested shepherds armed with spears and slings. If you've ever seen the video of the lion attacking some hunters, you know how fast those things can move. How efficient and powerful of killers they are. To come up against one, armed only with spears, clubs and slings would be daunting to say the least. (If you haven't seen it, you can see it here, but be warned -- it's kind of hard to watch and the lion dies.).

Shepherds of David's day and before were not wimps. When Joseph's brothers sold him to the slavers, they concocted a story about having found his tunic torn and bloodied, and their father Jacob naturally concluded that he'd been eaten by a wild beast. It was a good story because that was a common end to shepherds in the field. When you went out with your sheep (your flock of brainless mutton on the move, the world's first mobile cafeteria) you knew that there would be predators that would come to seek what you were guarding and guiding. David recounts his own story of having killed both lion and bear to get his sheep back. David, the shepherd who slew the giant Goliath with a sling and a sword. .

Shepherds were tough and fierce. David, writing of the Twenty-Third Psalm knew that as well as anyone, and was a demonstration of it.

In last week's conference Pastor John Farley quoted from Josias Leslie Porter's book, Five Years In Damascus: With Travels And Researches In Palmyra, Lebanon, The Giant Cities Of Bashan And The Hauran. Porter was an 18th century missionary who visited the middle east in order to get a better idea of the reality behind many of the images used in the Bible. He said that shepherds even of that day had none of the peace and placidness we see in the stereotypes of devotional renderings. They were more like warriors. Grim-faced and fierce eyes, armed with dagger, pistols, battleaxe, and club they went out prepared to do battle for their sheep.

"Don't confuse the Lamb with the Shepherd," said Pastor Farley. "If a shepherd is up to the task of guarding and keeping his sheep, he will be more like a lion."

I think that's wonderful imagery to help us see yet another facet of our Lord's person and character. In fact, that's what this psalm is about: who is our God? David could have cited the ten characteristics of His essence, but instead, he went a step further. The Lord is my Shepherd. My big, bad shepherd who is absolutely up to the task of handling all my needs, of bringing me to the place of choice grass and quiet, soul restoring waters, who will heal all my wounds, guard me from ravening beasts, and whack me over the head with his rod or haul me out of thickets with his staff when needed. With this guy leading me, taking care of me, providing for me, how can I possibly ever lack for anything?

Well... the fact is, I can't. And every time I worry about anything, no matter how small, I'm being exactly like the stupid sheep who freaks out at the sudden appearance of a rabbit and starts a stampede of the other stupid sheep in his periphery. And the best thing is, my shepherd knows that. He knows my weakness, and He knows how to take care of me in spite of it.

The Lord is my shepherd, I CANNOT lack.

Grace,
Karen

What Sheep are Really Like

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want..."

So begins perhaps one of the most famous passages in the Bible, and certainly the most famous and beloved psalm. Many have memorized it, claim it and love it. But how many read it with the realization that if they claim the Lord as their shepherd, they are identifying themselves as sheep? And if they do realize that... do they really understand what that identification implies?

Our Arizona Bible conference last weekend dealt with this latter question. And the identification does not imply that sheep are cute and fluffy creatures who love following their shepherd, and we are therefore the same. I wonder how many people are aware of the very frequent and consistent reference God's word makes to us humans as sheep. Of all the animals it's sheep that God chose as the ones we most remind Him of.

So what are sheep really like?

What follows are some tidbits on sheep from the conference, courtesy of a former sheep farmer who was in attendance. Consider how much like sheep are we as people (spiritually/soulishly):

Sheep are dumb. Dumber than goats; dumber even than cows. They are so dumb they have to be led into the barn at night because they can't find their way on their own -- this is the same barn they might sleep in every night!

When sheep fall over they need assistance getting up.

When they do fall, their wool gets filthy and they need to be brushed and cleaned by the shepherd,or eventually they will develop all sorts of ailments.

Because of a sheep's makeup, it is impossible for them to lie down and rest. They must have a definite and complete sense of freedom from fear, tension, aggravation and hunger before they will rest.

Sheep require continuous attention and tremendous care from the shepherd.

When sheep are frightened, their first instinct is to run away. And sheep are easily frightened.

They also display a tendency toward mob behavior, particularly with respect to fear. For example, a herd can be grazing peacefully across a quiet hillside when suddenly a jackrabbit jumps out of a bush and startles one. In moments the one's fear (of nothing) has spread throughout the entire herd and they all run panicked in every direction.

Keep in mind that God is well aware of all these qualities and chose the comparison VERY deliberately!

If you'd like to hear these lessons for yourself, you can find them at http://www.gbible.org/ under "Featured classes": AZ conference 2008 (in four parts)

Grace,
Karen

Quigley in HIS crate

Progress

After yesterday's three half-hour segments of Quigley wailing and yowling in the crate, I was feeling like a pretty big failure as a puppy trainer. Everything I tried to do didn't turn out at all as I'd expected. I scrambled up some of the instructions (partly because I drew from several different sources and the instructions tended to contradict each other; or else they didn't exactly apply to my situation) and just made a general mess out of things. During Bible class last night he started out okay, then turned crazy, trying to chew on all manner of things in the room. So I put him in the crate. And he yowled and yowled and it was VERY difficult to concentrate.

I was certain I had made him hate the crate and would now have to begin anew with baby steps to get him to even go near it.

About nine o'clock that night, Stu called me to "come and see." Quigley had gone into the open crate all by himself and was lying inside of it, dozing. Later, when he turned into Crazy Quigley again, Stu had to put him in it for a time-out and he accepted it without a peep.

Today I've put him in the crate a number of times and the longest he's protested is five minutes. Other times he didn't protest at all, and several times he walked into it all by himself. I just closed the door after he fell asleep. When he woke up he made just enough little noises to let me know he was awake, whereupon I let him out.

So today, he's been a lot of fun. He's sooo cute. He knows his name and we've been playing hide and seek. The biting is way down -- I tell him no and offer acceptable alternatives when he tries -- and the other things, like attacking the couch as a way of getting attention... or maybe just a thing he does when he's super-tired and has no idea why he's doing it... are not nearly so manic. Progress has definitely been made! Hallelujah.

Grace,
Karen

Pictures
Top: Quigley in the box he sleeps in beside our bed
Bottom: the coonhound with his raccoon (eyeless, of course)

Quigley in the Crate

Quigley is in the crate as I write this in the late afternoon of Wednesday. I put him there because he was deliberately attacking the couch to get my attention. I figured he would scream a bit and then quiet down, as he did this morning, and I'd go tell him what a good boy he was and let him out. Instead, he's been shrieking for nearly half an hour. My resolve is wavering. My mind fills with doubts of the rightness of what I'm doing, even though everything I've read and even the vet said you absolutely must not take him out of the crate while he's screaming.

This was so not my intention when I put him in there. Now I only want him to be quiet for a few minutes so I can let him out. But he's not letting up.

I wonder how often we are like that with God. If He isn't up there tapping his foot, waiting for us to submit to the situation and accept it and stop complaining and demanding and howling about it. If only we'd stop and be silent for a bit, he'd come and open the gate -- which He dearly wants to do -- and let us out. But first we have to learn the lesson... The blessing and release come in His timing, not ours.

Grace,
Karen

The Little Bully

Well, Quigley is turning out to be more of a handful than we expected and seems to be turning into a huge test. I prayed God would bring us the right dog, and I believe He has. It's just that I don't know what "right dog" means in God's eyes. It seems that it's one that will drive me crazy and force me to claim promises and go to Him for help on a daily, hour by hour basis. But then, what's new with that?

I had all these thoughts of blog posts about the conference (when it was going on) and also a few reader emails I wanted to address, and now it seems that all I'm going to talk about is the dog. We have never had a puppy that goes into the manic wild phase that Quigley does. The more tired he gets, the harder and more continuously he starts biting. He's like a whirling dervish. He goes wild attacking his little dog bed (see accompanying photos). He comes over and starts biting my chair repeatedly. I tell him no and unhook his jaws from the chair and he bites bite me -- my hand, my arm, my leg, then immediately goes back to biting the chair. His teeth are sharp as I mentioned, but I really don't like the intensity of the biting, both in frequency and in force. If I tell him no, he ignores me. If I yell no, he barks back...

To his credit, he only does this when he's starting to get tired. It's worst in the late afternoon. He works himself into a frenzy, then finally collapses into a sound sleep. When he awakes, its sweet little Quigley again. He's so nice and gentle and calm...We've never had a pup like this, and all our methods of dealing with it are not working.

So I've been doing research... Googled "puppy manic mode" and got some hits, including a blog by SF writer Robin McKinley who has some sort of sight hounds which she calls "hellhounds" and which also apparently display this mania. Another site, on training Irish Wolfhounds (also sight hounds) had a bit more in the way of suggestions and advice, so we've decided that it's very important not to "play" with him when he gets like this and that if we can't get him to lie calmly and chew on one of his toys, then we'll either put him out in the back yard alone, or crate him.

I haven't crated him since the first day I stayed with him. That was Monday, when I waited until he was very tired and then put him into the crate. He started screaming, but fell asleep in about two minutes. About half an hour later he awoke and screamed again, so I let him out, but I think perhaps I was premature. Anyway, there are going to have to be a lot of behavior changes on my part. The information I read gave six different types of puppy personality, and my husband has concluded that Quigley falls into the "bully" category. That's a pup who takes himself much too seriously and would be the leader in a pack of dogs. Thus he expects to be the leader with us as well. They are difficult to train, but it can be done with patience. A lot of the things I've been doing have told him I'm a puppy, too. Not good.

Everyone said Bear would be difficult to train, too. And he sure wasn't easy, especially when compared with the other dogs in the training class. He wasn't as aggressive as Quigley in his puppy stage, though. But my information says that puppies do what gets them attention, hence our plan to crate him or exile him for the bad behavior.

One way I do see the Lord's hand in this: never before would I have been ready for this kind of dog, neither from my experience with dogs themselves, nor spiritually. Previously I know I would be freaking out. Now, I just keep falling back on the Lord, trusting Him to solve the problem, refusing to speculate and leap out into a future full of scary and dire what-ifs, asking Him for guidance on what to do... both generally and moment by moment specific. Seems I've had a lot of practice with this sequence, since it's exactly what I have to do with the book.

Speaking of, I need to tell my editor whether or not I expect to finish the thing by Mar 31. I have no idea. I have no schedule, because, as many know, schedules never work. I no sooner make one than I break it. Or life breaks it for me... But I can't keep not answering, so I guess I'll have to bite the bullet and make a decision. I really want to try for Mar 31...

With Quigley thus far, though, there's not been a lot of time to do much other than deal with him. I'm hoping that will change. Well, I'm sure it will, because this is God's problem and if He wants me to write the book, He'll have to provide the time for me to do that.

Grace,
Karen

Quigley and a Bible Conference

A whole lot happened this last weekend which is why I missed my posts for last Thursday and Sunday evening. Even today I'm fairly distracted and know I'm not going to get much written.

On Thursday the preliminaries for our annual Arizona Bible Conference began, with old friends arriving from out of town and many of us gathering to help with the setup of the conference room occurring at the Doubletree Hotel that evening. Because Pastor McLaughlin is on hiatus, dealing with personal issues, Pastor Farley taught the entire conference, giving us an in depth look at Psalm 23 not only from a shepherd's point of view but from a sheep's as well. (If you want to listen to them, check out the AZ Conference 2008 lessons at http://www.gbible.org/ where they can be streamed or downloaded.)

They were a fantastic series of lessons, which I will no doubt be drawing from for blog posts in the near future. (Though at the rate readers are asking questions that I'd like to answer, who can say.) The best thing about it for me is the image I will carry with me of the shepherd/warrior, the strong, wise, gentle man who at the same time is fierce and well armed and prepared for fighting off lions, bears and thieves sometimes single-handedly to protect his sheep. The one who must make sure the sheep are protected and feel completely safe before they will eat from the pasture of choice grasses He has led them too. But more on that later...

...Because the second event of the weekend, almost as significant in details of life terms as the conference is in spiritual terms, is that on Saturday my hubby went to Phoenix and brought home Quigley, an eight week old redbone coonhound pup, who even at this young age seems nothing like Bear and is quite a handful. His arrival meant that in interim moments during the conference and attendant activities (which included the ordination of Pastor Rory Clark and three deacons; eating out and a trip to Sabino Canyon) I slipped home to meet and play with the puppy. Who is incredibly cute, but has very sharp teeth and claws and seems to be far more fixated on biting and chewing than I remember Bear being.

His presence means that I must do my chores and especially any writing activities during his naps, because at this point we haven't forced crate training on him, and aren't comfortable leaving him in our not-puppy-safe yard yet. He is quite comfortable outside, but since he seems to want to bite and chew on everything in his periphery, the yard is not ready for that...

Since I am not ready for him to attack the wires of my computer yet, either, I don't want him in my writing room and so...I have yet to work out the details of how I'm going to get any work done apart from naptime. The Lord knows how, though, and I'm trusting Him for all of it.

Also, I'm happy to report, my shoulder pain has abated, and I decided maybe the kingdom of darkness was the real source of my finger problems and have chosen to ignore them for now. Just do the things I have to do, and leave it to the Lord to handle. If my hands turn into claws, then I will have to do something. But so far that doesn't seem to be happening. Though they are now covered with scratch-scabs from the onslaught of tiny, knife-sharp puppy teeth!

But isn't he cute?
















Grace,
Karen

Planting Thoughts

A reader commented on my post about spiritual schizophrenia, saying she believed that "demons listen and find our natural flow and weakness and then shoot darts of thought and emotion in rapid fire till we receive and embrace one... they can according to my knowledge and experience implant thoughts and hope you will embrace them. Kind of like fishing. He will toss it in and see if he gets a nibble. There is a whole host working against you making it to the finish line, and if I may be bold to say, he takes more out with a sense of goodness in self than they do with the wickedness of evil."

Maybe. I'm not sure there's really a scripture to support this, though there is to support our unceasing, internal fight against the sin nature. The fact that our battle is not against flesh and blood -- people -- but against the forces of darkness in the atmosphere, however, does imply that people can be used by the demons to hinder and attack us. How exactly that's accomplished isn't spelled out. But Satan primarily went after Job's body and outward circumstances. There's no mention of his planting thoughts in Job's mind.

I definitely don't think there is a whole host of demons going after every believer, however. That's because Satan rules the world. He is the prince of the powers of the air. And what goes through air? Words. What are in words? Thoughts. His whole system of thinking -- independence from God: "I can do it myself, thank you" -- saturates the world. We are born into it. We inhale it, hear it, digest it, learn it, have it reinforced every day, all day. By everything around us. Our sin nature cleaves to it. Loves it. Gobbles it up.

Even the majority of believers live in it and embrace its principles, though often they cloak those principles with spiritual words and make them seem like something they're not. But Satan has his ministers of light that teach people how to be righteous, many believers are said to be enemies of the Cross of Christ, and we are specifically told to avoid those who have a form of the spiritual life but not the power, ever learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.

"Worldliness" is not just sin, immorality and antagonism toward God. It's also morality and religion and outward "goodness." (The Pharisees were very moral, very religious, very "upright."). Worldliness is thinking in accordance with Satan's thought system, which is a counterfeit of God's. His initial desire, remember was not to be opposite of God but to be like God. To take God's place.

Since we cannot turn on the TV, radio, cell phone, read the paper, magazines, books, converse with others, go to work meetings or school meetings, etc, without being drenched in this thought system, and since most believers have adopted it in some way or other, what need have the demons of going after all of us? Since we all have a sin nature that loves the cosmic way of thinking, all they have to do is sit back and let that nature work as they control the media, the "air."


The biggest way I think they go after us is trying to get us away from the intake of God's word on a daily basis, which is our only hope of standing against this ubiquitous and continuous deceptive brainwashing by the world. That and try to get us to believe there is no angelic conflict. To reject what I said in the previous paragraph. To think there is something more important than God's word.

And while some of the thoughts we have may seem to us shocking and wicked... well... we are sick. From the tops of our heads to the soles of our feet, there is no soundness in us (Is 1:6). The hearts of men are full of evil and insanity (Eccl 9:3). Don't like to think that a part of you is evil and insane? Guess who's prompting that thought? Not the new nature (which is perfect and cannot sin, remember). When you sin, do things that shock you, think things that shock you... what's the big deal? You just fall back on what the scripture says about what wicked sinners we are in the flesh. Where's the shock when that flesh gets the better of us from time to time? We can really only be shocked if we think we're better than the Bible says we are.

And while the Bible does say we're nothing in the flesh, it also says the real us is not the flesh, because technically the flesh is dead. It's been dealt with -- so far as sin is concerned -- on the the cross. The real us, if we've believed in Jesus's atoning work on that cross, is that perfect new nature which carries the very righteousness of God in it which can never be lost. It's not I that sin, as Paul says in Romans 7, but the sin nature that dwells within me. And when that happens, all we have to do is confess it to get back into fellowship.

None of that to say the demons can't or don't plant thoughts in people's minds or move them in some undisclosed way to do things that hinder others who are going forward in God's plan. Nor even that they don't plant thoughts occasionally in the folks who are really far along in their Christian walk. I just don't think that's the case with me. I think my sin nature more than does the job they need it to do.

I will say that they do know exactly how to push my buttons to get that inner dead man to react... But that's for another post.

Grace,
Karen

Iconoclastic Arrogance

An iconoclast is someone who destroys religious images, or images that are worshipped by self or others. Iconoclastic arrogance, then is a technical term for a form of arrogance whereby the subject destroys something he once worshipped.

Whenever you put someone on a pedestal, admire them, worship them, try to emulate them, you are probably guilty of the beginning stage of iconoclastic arrogance. You've created an idol. The image of a perfect person. Unfortunately, no person is perfect. We all have a sin nature and eventually that wicked part of us will reveal itself. The feet of clay will show. The idol's golden facade will crack and the worm within will be exposed.

When that happens, the iconoclast goes into full bore destruction of the idol. Suddenly the person once admired and respected is despised, accused, judged, and condemned. Sometimes the iconoclast will do whatever they can to bring that person down -- gossip, malign, put down, lie...

I've known about iconoclastic arrogance for awhile and never thought I had much problem with it. Until a couple of lessons last month brought up the fact that our sin nature can do an iconoclastic arrogance trip on our own selves. My sin nature believes that it's important to do well. To have the respect of others. To have, in fact, the approbation of others. When any of those qualities are threatened, it gets very upset. The idea that I am a good person, that I am doing okay, that I am worthy is suddenly replaced by this inward attacker that does all the same things the iconoclast does. Suddenly there's all this inner condemnation -- you're late, you blew it, no one is going to like that post, they don't like your book, you're a lousy writer, whatever made you think you could write anyway, no one cares, why do you even bother...

The derision and accusations go on and on. Often as I'm preparing a newsletter to go out, or after I've put up a blog post, the sense of inadequacy will descend. Or if I'm not getting "enough" done in a day. Or have done something not quite perfectly.

My sin nature seems to go after the emotions first. There's a growing sense of unease, of darkness, of condemnation. As the bad feeling gets settled, my motivation drains away. I don't want to write. Don't want to do anything -- except email, in the unconscious, unacknowledged hope I'll get a stroke that'll make me feel better, though if I do, it's never enough to dispel the cloud. Eventually I stop and start to analyze what is wrong. That's when I realize what I'm doing.

I've become adept enough at this that my feeling bad intervals are getting shorter and shorter and I'm starting to nail the problem sooner. But I'm also finding many, many areas that are triggers for my sin nature to start acting up. To start creeping back, trying to regain that lost control. It flashes a thought into my mind. I can pass it by, or latch on... If I ignore it, the thought will come again. And again until I stop and confront it. No. That's against the word of God... I know there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. These accusations are not from Him. I am perfect in His sight, and the only thing that really matters is what Jesus did, not what I'm doing or not doing. Perfectionism is so not where it's at when it comes to this life.

I think I'm understanding more and more how I'm to use that command in 2 Co 10:4,5 about taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. But it's a slow process.

Grace,
Karen

Spiritual Schizophrenia

Over the past few weeks, God has been teaching me many exciting things (exciting to me anyway). One of those things is about my sin nature.

Galatians 5:17 says "the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please" -- my sin nature is against the Spirit that indwells me and it's against God. I knew that.

The old sin nature can only sin and do evil or produce human good. The new nature, conversely, cannot sin (I Jn 3:9). I knew that, too. Here's what I learned, or maybe "saw" in a way I'd not seen it before: Before I was saved I lived only in my sin nature. I had no choice. It controlled my soul. It controlled the thoughts in my soul. I was a slave to it, and didn't even know it. One of the reasons for that is because the sin nature doesn't just sin. It also, as I said, produces human good, which can seem -- and feel -- very good and very right.

When I got saved, God gave me a new nature which cannot sin, and pronounced the old nature dead, crucified with Christ. It had lost its power at that point not because it was "dead" in the sense that it has become inert and inoperative (it hasn't) but because from the point of salvation on, I can choose against it. No longer does it have automatic control.

Now, as I live my Christian life, I choose on a moment by moment basis which nature I live in: the new one, which cannot sin, which loves God and His word, or the old one, which can sin and which hates God. Like all believers, I am a spiritual schizophrenic, at any given moment operating from one of my two completely opposite natures. All it takes is rebound (confession of sin) to get back in the new nature and under the control of the Spirit. All it takes is a thought to get back under the control of the sin nature. And that sin nature is trying its hardest to regain that control. Constantly.

And this is another thing I "saw": my sin nature, the thing that is part of my flesh and that I will have with me until the day that I die, HATES God. It hates the Spirit. It doesn't want to have anything to do with truth, except as it can distort it and use it to its (the sin nature's) benefit. It is just as bad as any demon.

I used to think that some of the negative thoughts I am plagued with (more on that another time) came from demons. But I know that as a believer indwelt by the the Father, Son and Spirit, it is not possible for demons to indwell or possess me. My friends and I have discussed whether they can read our minds, though. How else can they know exactly the thoughts that are needed to disrupt whatever it is we're doing/thinking for the Lord? I'm sure they can read our faces and expressions, and guess our thoughts from that, since they have vast experience dealing with humans. But read our minds? And actually place thoughts into them?

With this new revelation regarding the wickedness of my sin nature, I realized they don't need to read my thoughts -- or place thoughts in my head -- to get to me. They have an inside ally. My sin nature knows exactly what I'm thinking and it is the source of most if not all of the negative, accusing/condemning thoughts that plague me. It has its own agenda -- approbation lust, power lust, selfishness, etc -- and it does not want to do things God's way. Recognize/admit that there is no good thing in the flesh? That we can do nothing of ourselves and God is the one who does everything? That HE has begun a good work in me and HE will perfect it?

This is absolutely anathema to the wicked nature that dwells in me. The last thing in the world it wants to acknowledge is that there is no good in it. (Unless it can get into a competition with someone else for "least good," and thereby manage to exalt itself in a bizarre distortion of what it sees as "humility".)

How is this helpful? The more I know about it and how it works, the better I can fight it. Now when the negative self talk comes, I realize quicker that it's from my sin nature, and can deflect it, refute it, refuse to let it control my soul. Accusation and condemnation are from the devil and His system of thinking, which my sin nature loves. But there is NO condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. (Ro 8:1)

Grace,
Karen

I'm Back!

From the day of my last post, December 20, until today, I've done no writing. First there were Christmas preparations and activities and then we left for California to visit my stepmother who is 86. Her sister (who is 87) is living with her now, and they have the house filled with belongings that were suddenly taken out of a much bigger house and put into a storage shed, and from there into the current small house. There was no room for us to stay there, so we stayed in a hotel. First time we've ever done that on this trip. In fact much of this year's trip was different and we really didn't know what was going to happen from day to day. But all turned out well, and we had a good time. Visited the Aquarium of the Pacific, the beach and found a great Chinese food restaurant in Cerritos.

It seems to me that God has been doing this constantly in my life now -- much fog and uncertainty, no plan ever allowed to stand as it was conceived. Something always changes, and often everything that you thought was going to happen collapses entirely to make way for something new. Or perhaps people or circumstances prevent a plan from being developed in the first place. The lesson then, is flexibility and the importance of focusing on Him -- rather than circumstances -- on a moment by moment basis.

I'm also seeing more and more the reality of the fact that true to God's word, those who desire to live the spiritual life will have problems and sufferings, and they are not going to go away. A particular problem might resolve but it will soon be replaced by another. Details of life. The charge of the mosquitos. There's been clouds of them lately.

The tendonitis I mentioned last month has continued unabated, actually worsening after the trip, probably because I did none of the recommended treatments for it. Oddly, repositioning my pillows at night (the ones I use still to prop up my arms) seemed to have had the worst effect, all that gripping and pulling through the night. Or maybe it's just been all the things I've had to do with my hands in the process of the aforementioned Christmas activities, cleaning, carrying and the stuff on the trip. Or maybe it just takes a long time to get better.

Besides the hands, a muscle spasm has started up in my right shoulder that manifests with burning intensity every time I sit down at the computer. Like a knife in the muscle. I don't know what to do about it, beyond stay away from the computer. I don't know what to do about my hands; either, though I'm thinking about calling a hand surgeon tomorrow.

And even when I decide that I am GOING to sit down and right, things come up that must be dealt with or attended. And I fall back on the knowlege and conviction that God has everything under control, that I might not have a clue what is going on, but He does. This book I'm supposed to be writing is His work, not mine, and He's going to have to see that I have time/energy/health and mental clarity to do it. Period.

I'm hoping that I can start again tomorrow. But that's tomorrow. For now, it's enough I've done this blog post!

Merry Christmas 2007

Imagine you agree to have yourself, your soul, your immaterial essence, all your thoughts and experiences and hard-won lessons, all your knowledge and vocabulary and understanding, all your memories -- to have all that put into the body of a newborn baby. To be raised by your own children, if you have them. Or maybe your younger siblings. You can't talk, you can't move, feed yourself. You must depend upon them utterly to feed you, clean you, keep you safe. You have to be taught things you already know, maybe even things you yourself invented or devised.... Imagine that and you have some vague inkling of what it was like for God the Son to take on the form of a man. Starting with babyhood.

It's not the best analogy because Jesus became fully human in his humanity and had to learn like any other baby, so it wasn't as if there was a fully mature "soul" in the baby Jesus. But the deity part of Him was still there, the power that holds the universe together, and He voluntarily put aside the use of it, and also the privileges of treatment and respect that go with deity to become a human baby. A creature that in those first few weeks couldn't even roll over! It's mind boggling what He did. For us.

I pray that as the Christmas season enfolds us, you’ll take time to reflect on the significance behind this. That He temporarily set aside his privileges as deity to take on the form of a baby, grow to manhood and lay down his life for us on a Roman cross some 2000 years ago. Jesus Christ, the only true celebrity, our hero and savior, born to die so we might live forever. May His love and life touch your heart in a special way this Christmas.

I'll be back blogging again sometime after the first of the new year. See you then.

Karen

Trigger Fingers

Based on the number of hits the writing parts of my body are taking, I'm beginning to think I must be writing something really important in Black Box. Now, just as my left arm is finally getting to the point of being useful and not too troublesome, I find I've developed tendonitis in my right hand, particularly my thumb. I think it's from too much housework, too fast.

It's not the first time I've developed tendonitis from housework -- scrubbing the tub is something I have to do in parts or I'll get it in my elbow. I've also developed painter's elbow when I painted the outside of the house a few years back. This is the first time I've gotten it in my hands (and I do have it in both of them, though it's much worse in the right hand)

Too much squeezing and scrubbing led to my fingers growing stiff and painful. I can't make a fist. In the morning they are especially stiff, and when I try flex them and straighten them out they lock and then suddenly spring open. I researched it last night and discovered this is called trigger finger or trigger thumb. And I have it in my thumb, as well as the fingers, and lately it's been worst of all, because when it "springs open" it sends a sharp pain through my thumb and palm. It's also visibly swollen.

It's officially called tenosynovitis and involves the inflammation of the tendons and sheath around the tendons, which prevents them from flexing open smoothly. The treatment? Advil. Ice and... of course... immobilization. They advise a splint. I'm just trying not to do anything. It's been going on for about a month, and seems to be getting worse, so finally I went to the Internet and realized I really have to stop doing everything. Which is what I've done today. I thought I'd give it a couple of days of the above treatment, and if it doesn't get better I guess I'll have to see a hand surgeon. I can't open bottles, turn faucets, door handles, locks, open the car door, or turn on the ignition. I can type, but I feel I need to do so on a limited basis because I can't always tell while I'm doing something if that's going to bother the thumb or not. Writing longhand is definitely problematic. (Does that mean I should just sit down and start typing out scenes and stop making notes?)

Sheesh! What a crazy year. But as with all the rest of it, I know this is the Lord's problem not mine. If He wants me to write, He'll have to work all this out.

Grace,
Karen

To Write a Good Book

Back when I was thinking about what makes a good goal, I asked myself what my goal was for writing, and the first thought that came to mind was "I want to write a good book." A few moments' thought led me to the conclusion that this is really not a good goal.

For one thing, what is a good book, anyway? Who gets to decide? Me? Other people? God? Well, yes, God, but how can I know if He thinks it's a good book? I suppose if He was intimately involved in its writing you'd have to conclude He thought it a "good book" but this whole concept just seems bizarre when you think of it as from God's viewpoint. He called me to write the thing. He's promised to provide me everything I need to do it. He's promised to enable me to do it, and I believe He does so. So... if all that is true, than "good book" just seems irrelevant. If it's what He wanted me to do, then it must be good.

And here's the corollary: If I am filled with the Spirit and writing from a soul prepared with doctrine and with craft (preparation He provided) then it would be impossible to write a bad book. That doesn't mean people will necessarily like it. Some might. The majority might not. Many, in fact, might reject it outright or with general disinterest. Is that a bad thing?
God had Jeremiah write some things that his "readers" didn't much like, either, and in fact, outright rejected. They made him a laughingstock, and sang mocking songs about him. Moses said things at God's leading that his congregation didn't like, either. A few of them tried to depose him. Paul said things in the power of the Spirit that people disliked so much they stoned him. And last we have Jesus, the only perfect man, who did only good, and the people rejected him, chose the criminal Barabbas over Him and crucified him. So you obviously cannot base the value of your work on its public reception.

That's hard stuff for a perfectionist mind that builds its worth on what others think. But it's true stuff and the perfectionist, as I've already established, is deluded and masochistic. So "writing a good book" is not a good goal, nor even an achievable goal. I must come up with another, better goal. How about, "write a book"? It's measurable, it's doable and you know exactly when you've accomplished it!

Grace,
Karen

Plan Z

I love how the Lord is just pounding in the lesson that it's HIS plan, not mine. That He wants me to be flexible, not fuss when my plan gets demolished. Even when it's plan Z for the day (plans A - Y having previously been demolished).

This being a Monday after a very full three day weekend (my hubby gets every other Friday off), I shouldn't have expected to get much done writingwise, but having done nothing since Thursday I was hoping... Alas, it was one thing after another including a hail storm with lightning late in the afternoon. I finally got started writing around 4:45pm, planning to work until 7:30 or even 7:45 since my husband would not be home until late. I'd worked an hour when he suddenly appeared. The rain had canceled his pole vault practice. No problem though, because he would do his practice in the street. I went back to work and around 6:24, bam! The power went out and unlike last summer, this time I was plunged into total darkness.

I groped my way through the house to the flashlight, then went around trying to find our puck lights. Finally found one, but couldn't turn it on. Was it my hands, weakened from tendinitis? Or were the batteries out? It took me some time to figure out how to take the back off the thing, and when I did, I discovered one of the batteries had leaked all over it. So I gave up on that and went to candles and the petzl head lamp and sat down to read a book.

Then my husband came back and we went out to eat at the Mongolian Barbecue where you put together your own bowl of fresh/raw ingredients, and they cook it for you. It was fun and yummy. From there we cruised back toward home, but since the power was still off, we went shopping. I picked up a couple of Christmas gifts and some other things we've been needing. Then it was home again, and finally the power was back on. Just in time for bed!

You just never know what a day will bring.

Grace,
Karen

The Need for Blood

I recently read a book about a civilization set in a pre-Messianic times, and one of the things that struck me – bothered me, truth be told – was that there were no animal sacrifices. God was portrayed as powerful and loving, but His righteousness and justice were completely ignored.

There was one line where the stones of the demon temples were blood-stained from the rites of child sacrifice, whereas no blood stained the stones of God’s temple. And yet… and yet, it DID. Much blood stained the floor of the Tabernacle and later the Temple. When you consider the Levitical offerings of ram and bull and ox and goat and lamb, and the fact that the head of every family was to bring an offering to the Temple on the holy days, you realize that's going to result in lot of blood. The beast was tied on its back to the altar and its throat cut so that the blood spurted out. There would have been blood everywhere. On the priests, on the stones, on the altar. And it was supposed to be that way. The pure and helpless and unblemished and innocent white lamb, bright red blood spurting out with every beat of its heart. It’s a shocking picture for us. I suspect it was shocking for them…

And one thing was sure: it was very clear a creature was bleeding and dying for the sins of the person who had brought it. A death was required. Just as a death was required from the very beginning. The first thing God did after Adam and the woman fell was to give them the promise of a redeemer, and the second thing was to kill at least one animal and more likely two to provide for them the skins to cover the nakedness brought about by their sin.

Abel’s blood sacrifice of a lamb from his flocks was required and accepted while the work of Cain’s hands, even the best of his human efforts was rejected. We know because God is fair and because of the way he questioned Cain after his offering was rejected, that Cain had been instructed as to what sort of offering was needed. No doubt he resented having to go to Abel to get a lamb for his own sacrifice and thought God would like it better if he did a lot of work and offered something his own efforts had produced. He didn’t understand the point of the sacrifice at all – not to give something of ourselves, but to obey the command so we would understand that one day God was going to provide that ultimate sacrifice – the perfect seed of the woman who would crush the serpent’s head.

By blotting out all the blood-sacrifice imagery of the OT, we lose the impact of what Christ did. The life of the animal is in its blood, says , but the life of man is in his soul and spirit. Jesus didn’t have to have his throat cut like an OT lamb or ox, because he wasn’t dying physically for our sins. The blood spurting was to make a picture of the death. The substitutionary and spiritual death He would one day die for all of us, Jew and Gentile, believer and unbeliever alike.

Why is this needed? Why does it matter if a story left this out? I’m sure some readers wouldn't care, and others would even be grateful to have been spared such gruesome imagery. But for me, it circumvents the most vital aspect of salvation, the whole reason Jesus had to come. God does love us, and does want to give to us and have a relationship with all of us. He is love; it’s part of His essence. But He is also perfect righteousness and perfect justice and He cannot compromise any aspect of His essence or he would cease to be God.

So even though God loves us, if He were to ignore our sin, his righteousness would be compromised, His thwarted. So here we are, sinful people. He loves us and wants to give to us, be He cannot because His righteousness demands that sin be punished, destroyed, separated from Him… put to death. That’s what death is, really, a separation. We are born spiritually dead – spiritually cut off from God. We have no relationship with Him as sinners born and we cannot establish one with Him on our own. He has to do it.

So He sent His son, who put aside the powers and rights of his deity to take on the form of a man, walk this earth for 33 years and then die spiritually on the cross outside Jerusalem when the sins of every person that ever lived or ever will were poured out on him and judged. Righteousness was satisfied by this payment, and Justice declared God free to bless us – but only because of what Jesus had done. So yes, He loves us and he seeks us and draws us to Him, but only through Jesus’s work on the Cross. He offers us an eternal relationship with Him if we will acknowledge we are sinners in need of a savior and believe that Jesus is that savior, the perfect one who paid the debt we owed and couldn’t pay.

Karen

Holy Days

When God became a man, He took a HUGE step down from where He was. He chose that humiliation because of His great love for us and because it was the only way to give us eternal life and bring us out of the darkness in which we were born. A darkness which was our total lack of relationship with Him, and our total helplessness to do anything about. It was the biggest problem any of us would ever face, and one God solved without any work on our part.

How ironic, then, that at this time of year, during the holidays that are devoted to recalling this great sacrifice on His part, this work of His on our behalf, is when we get most frantic about doing things. We go into overdrive -- gotta get this done, gotta get that done, gotta go here, do this, send that... In fact, on top of all our regular activities we add more -- holiday preparations, parties, activities, shopping, decorating, etc. At least, that's what I realized I had done today, even as I wondered why I didn't seem to have enough time for it all!

A holiday, though, is a Holy Day. A day set apart from the others as special -- to relax, to remember or to consider and honor something or someone. If anything we should stop doing at least some of our regular things so we can concentrate not just on preparing for the "holiday," but also on the reason. And of course, the reason for the Christmas season is the Lord. More than any other, this holiday should not be spent out of fellowship with Him as we enslave ourselves to the details of life.

Yet this special "set apart" time seems anything but set apart. We leap into frantic mode, buzzing from one task or activity to the next with hardly a breath between before falling into bed at night. Oh, and let's not leave out the tension, stress and frenzy of lashing ourselves as we try to get all this stuff done and inevitably fail.

This is not God's plan for us. Yet, it's become a confusing time. Routine is altered and compressed. Things don't happen according to plan. The weather intervenes. Needed items break at the most inopportune time. Worst of all, priorities get muddled. What is it that is really the most important thing to get done today?

I decided today that I didn't want my season to be one of frenzy, but of peace, quietness, and focus on the Lord. There's always time to do the Will of God, I just needed to know what that was. So midmorning, when nothing was going as I had planned -- starting with when I overslept by an hour -- I switched over to "step by step consultation mode." I recalled my basic priorities (Bible class, morning routine, exercise, sleep) and purposed to take things one day at a time, to make it a habit to go to the Lord when I got confused and ask Him what I should do next.

As a result, I got quite a bit done today, some of it what I'd planned, some not. But I maintained the peace and quietness of staying in fellowship, and that's really the only thing that matters.

Grace and peace,
Karen

Messiah Sing-In

Monday night we went to the annual Tucson Messiah Sing-In which, according to what they said, is the longest running community sing-in in the nation. In the sing-in Handel's Messiah is performed with a small orchestra and four soloists; the audience serves as the chorus. The Tucson Sing-In has about 1200 in the audience/chorus. Some of them have been going all 31 years of the Sing-In's history. I sang the Messiah first in college, then with a small town chorus up in Northern Arizona. When we returned to Tucson I attended the Tucson Sing-In when it was still in its infancy. Once I started home schooling, though, I didn't return until last year.

I love it. All the words are straight out of Scripture, much of it from the Old Testament: Isaiah, Haggai, Psalms, Malachi. It lays out the prophecies of Christ's coming, the promises to the Jews that a Savior would be sent and then it brings in the New Testament verses that confirm it. Ending with the fabulous Hallelujah chorus and then the shiver-producing Worthy is the Lamb (that was slain), it's awesome.

This morning when I woke up it occurred to me that in singing the Messiah, the chorus is like the Body of Christ. First there are four different parts designed for four different types of voices -- soprano, alto, tenor and bass. You need to find the part your voice is ranged to sing and sing with that group. That's where you're going to sound the best.

Once you get in your correct group, you have to sing the part you have been assigned. Of course first you have to know what the part is. Since I've been practicing my part by itself for a month or so, I've found that it wasn't always what I'd thought it was. Sometimes the notes weren't at all intuitive. And it didn't always sound as good or as fun as the soprano part. Still, alto is my part and it has a place in the whole. And the better I learned it the more I came to like it.

As a result of learning your part, when you get to the performance, you will be prepared to sing it. That may not be the case with everyone else who comes. In fact, though I did practice, I didn't do nearly enough to meet the challenges of singing in the big group. For one thing, there were others who didn't practice at all, and some who'd never been to the Sing-In before. They knew the Messiah from listening to it whole, which is a lot different from singing a part. Some people could read the music, while others had just muddled along, trying to guess what they should be singing. That means that when you are singing, those around may not sing because they don't know what they're supposed to sing. Others sing notes of their own choosing, feeling they have to sing something. Still others sing the wrong notes, thinking they are right. And of course some are the old pros who have it down pat and don't have to have a group of other singers to help them along the way.

I saw parallels to living the Christian life in all the above. One of the things that really hit me was how hard it is to sing when you're the only one doing it. You wonder if you have made a mistake and shouldn't be singing, even though you've prepared and are pretty sure you should be. In retrospect I realized that most of the people around me weren't singing because they didn't know what to sing, not because I was singing when I shouldn't be (though sometimes I was...) I learned also that you need to keep your own time and not depend on cues from other parts of the chorus because you might not be able to hear the cue you were listening for. Also, the director doesn't always tell you when to come in, so that's not something you can rely on either.

Sometimes I wasn't surrounded by silence. Sometimes the people around me, or a particular voice in my periphery would be sounding heartily -- just not the same notes I was singing. When that happened, I always felt a pull to match with it, even if I thought the notes I was singing were right. Sometimes my notes were right and sometimes they weren't. But even when I was certain I was on track, it was still hard to hold my own.

The solution to all of this? More practice. You really have to know what you are supposed to be singing, and you have to have it down. You have to be confident in what you've learned and practiced. In the confusion of the whole chorus, with people who are at all positions on the scale of knowledge and expertise, you can't afford to rely on others too much. And you have to be ready to sing out what you know to be right even if no one around you is singing with you. Though if you're lucky the voices of the old hands down in the front rows may come drifting back to comfort you and encourage you to stay the course...

Just like learning and applying doctrine in the spiritual life.

Grace,
Karen

Unhurried Tinkering

"Good rewriting demands easy, unhurried tinkering with words. Each unsuccessful try eliminates another wrong solution and leads you to the right one. I can’t emphasize too strongly how important this is, the fact that writing leads to writing, that failed attempts lead to eventual success, that the solution to a rewriting problem is made up of all the attempts that led nowhere." - Dorothy Bryant, novelist (I made no note of where I got this quote from when I copied it into my journal).

And here's John Gardner again, whom I've quoted before...

"Fiction ... begins with a rough sketch. One gets down the characters and their behavior any way one can, knowing the sentences will have to be revised, knowing the characters’ actions may change. It makes no difference how clumsy the sketch is – sketches are not supposed to be polished and elegant. All that matters is that, going over and over the sketch as if one had all eternity for finishing one’s story, one improves now this sentence, now that..."

Just more examples of taking Baby steps.

Karen

Notes on the Process

Where did the week go? I don't know. Nor do I know why I kept forgetting to write a blog post until I was too tired, but... it went. And I forgot.

Last Thursday a storm blew in, the first in a long time. It rained in the morning and again in the evening. I enjoyed that -- I always enjoy the rain -- and I also had a bit of a breakthrough in my writing process. In the days before I'd set myself to get to work, using the timer and, eschewing perfectionism, determined that I would write out a sketch of the notes I'd come up with for a scene. I did it and was quite pleased with myself. What I wrote was bad, just as I'd said it could be.

So then the next day, Thursday, I got myself behind the computer at 9:30am (my new tentative time to get there - Flylady's routines are working splendidly) but instead of pressing on, I was just dismayed and confused, upset, hamstrung. The scenes I had written the day before weren't right. And I just had to get them right. I had to do that right then, on Thursday. But every time I looked at the work, my thoughts would snarl and I would run away.

So I went back and reviewed earlier entries and recalled -- duh! -- I was taking BABY steps. When I wrote that draft, I was letting it be completely bad. Of course it would be flawed and grossly imperfect now. Nor was there time to let the perfectionism take over, either. Baby steps needed to be applied on subsequent drafts just as much as on the first draft. Every day, in every project, it seems. Just like I'm not going to get the house decluttered or completely cleaned in one day, so I'm not going to get the chapter, or even the scene right in one day. In fact, it almost never works that way. Whatever I do today, the work is better, clearer, closer to what it will be when it's done.

So I decided to set a specific, concrete goal for the day: I would go through the material I'd written paragraph by paragraph and note briefly what was there and any thoughts that occurred as I did so. When I began to do the work, though, I suddenly became aware of the awful negative, mocking tone of my thoughts as I analyzed. When I noted something illogical or out of the blue, my approach with myself was critical, dismissive and mocking. "What an idiotic development!" my inner voice would say. "WHY in the world would THAT happen?!" And so on. Since Flylady has addressed this aspect of the whole perfectionism syndrome -- be aware of the negative voices in your head and shut them down -- I think I was better able to be aware of them. And being aware of them helped me to tone them down.

Instead of heated denunciations, I was able to ask myself why such and such might have happened, or what could be the result of something that I'd written as occurring. I think that was very helpful, not least because you don't give yourself such a feeling that it's all horrible and there's absolutely no hope. The very language you use with yourself reminds you it's a process, a series of steps and adjustments and it's not all going to get done today.

Having done the analysis, I did a summary of it and discovered what the problems were: contradictions and/or nullifications in the dialog, no stakes, no goals, no consequences for any of the supposed threats and no specifics. Seeing all that was great because now I knew what I needed to do. Lay out the contradictions and decide which way I wanted to go. Set up some goals and stakes and consequences. And work on being specific.

Best of all, I did all that in 3 hours.

Have a great week!
Karen