Modern Medicine

Tonight I am preparing my colon for a colonoscopy tomorrow (my first). What fun. Not. But I can't help thinking what a strange world we live in, that we will deliberately drink a solution designed to give us diarrhea.

I guess there've been worse things in the past -- trepanning, blood-letting, leeches...

I have to drink it in two sessions, one today (at 5pm) and another tomorrow, when I have to get up at 4:50am to do it. I comfort myself with the reminder that long before this time tomorrow, I'll be done with the whole thing.

Despite the weirdness of being on a liquid diet all day, it was a good one. I am very slowly learning just how it is I'm to trust the Lord, in all areas, and relax. Just let Him take my hand and guide me and when some giant rears up to threaten me, not to run away but stand there, letting all the confusing, conflicting thoughts swirl around me until finally they fall away and He shows me which one I need to focus on. I've wanted to know which one too soon, I think. Anyway, I've finished chapter 14 and am on to 16 (skipping 15 for now to attend to when I work through the other plotline/pov)

So it's off to bed. More or less.

~~

Monsoonal Return

It rained over the weekend, pretty hard, and they're forecasting a return of storms, which gives me an excuse to share this photo from a couple of months ago, when the sun was shining in the west and the rain was moving in from the east. I wasn't sure the rain would actually show up, but I think it does pretty well.

The chainlink in the foreground is part of a little "atrium" we have at the backyard gate so we can have two gates into the yard, sort of a safety/containment feature for Quigley. It's worked out pretty well for us, especially with him.

Also in the picture is Adam's old gym set, and to the right, behind the grapefruit tree, our no longer used pigeon loft. Originally it was a chicken coop, then we got rid of the chickens and a few years later, started raising homing pigeons. Here's an old picture of some of them:


Today I took my mother for her fourth and final chemotherapy treatment, and this time everything went smoothly again. She's still having sensitivity problems with the drugs, particularly in the days following the treatments so they are giving her prednisone to counteract that. The doctor tried to get her to go for two more weeks, but since the data supporting this treatment came from studies that used four treatments he didn't have hard facts to support his advice, only a "gut feeling." She'd had enough of it all, though, tired of feeling bad, which this time was for over two weeks, and came in there ready to quit.

Next up will be radiation treatments, which seem like they'll be much less troublesome, but one never knows.


~~~~

A Change in Plans

I had planned to post Reflections on the Abundant Life part 2, today, but instead, I'm going to talk about what happened today, which itself illustrates what seems to be the Concept of the Week... Month... Year? that God is drilling into my thinking. That concept is that my plans are not really all that important and can easily be demolished by all sorts of things outside my control. Thus it's better not to make too many plans or assume too much. It's likely things will turn out differently.

Today, for example. Today I went with my mother for her second chemotherapy treatment. The first time, as I mentioned, they told us it would take six hours and to bring our lunches, and things to do. Instead, it took only took two hours and we went back to her house to eat our lunches. That's because she had no reaction to the medication and everything went smoothly.

That experience under our belts, we assumed today (never assume!) that things would go likewise and didn't bring lunch. (Though I did bring two dark chocolate energy bars, of which I ate one; my mother held out for her potato salad, waiting at home.) This time she did have a reaction to one of the chemo drugs.

About five minutes after they started it (by intravenous infusion), she told me she was starting to have trouble breathing, one of the things we were told to be alert to. I immediately went around the corner of the section wall to the nurse's station, a trip of about ten feet, who threw down her pen when I told her, and hurried back to my mother to turn off the drip. In that short time it took me to go and come back, my mother had turned completely red in the face and neck, her breathing trouble was worse and she said she felt intense prickling in her face and head and was developing a painful cramp in her back.

The nurse gave her a shot of Benadryl right into the IV feed and it had almost immediate effect, easing the breathing first, then the flush and prickle and finally the back cramp. Within ten minutes she was almost back to normal. They gave her half an hour, though, to get really settled, then administered more Benadryl, some steroid and started the chemo drip again, very slowly. Everything went well after that, if slowly, but it was quite intense while it was happening. The nurse was very good.

But the point of this post is that instead of two hours it took five this time. You never know what a day will bring, and while I wouldn't say it's bad to plan, more and more I'm seeing the importance of being ready to change. To be flexible. The important thing isn't seeing your plans accomplished, or getting things done, it's to see the Lord in all that happens and adapt with grace and contentment. Enjoy the parts you can. Mostly we had a good time, and I was very happy I was there with my mother today, because it would have hard for her to summon help on her own. It's very difficult to call for help when you can't breathe... and there wasn't anyone else around in our little section. Plus the speed at which the reaction occurred was just mind boggling.

I also read through the remaining chapters of The Enclave and am pleased to report that I've finished the read through. Now I have to start the real work. But not today!

Tomorrow I'll go back to my reflections. Maybe. ;-)

****

Reading The Enclave

I really should write a blog post. Before another day passes. I don't know what's happened to me. Maybe I've just gotten out of the habit, or, more likely, it has to do with the problems of the evening, where we have to fix dinner, walk Quigley, fool with Quigley, stretch, clean up, shower before bed (because we have a swamp cooler and it's been terribly humid with dew points closing on the 7o's and I can't stand going to bed all sticky)...

Maybe I'm slipping into a fugue state (Fugue state: An altered state of consciousness in which a person may move about purposely and even speak but is not fully aware. A fugue state is usually a type of complex partial seizure...) during the day and that's why parts of my life just seem to wink out. (Actually I think it's just that I'm getting distracted yet again by whatever happens to be lying about on the flat surface of whatever room I happen to have gone into for whatever reason -- looking for a pen, need to check something on the computer, need to find something in a book, need to find the book, going to put something away -- and time just flies away with me.)

Anyway, I've finally started plowing through The Enclave. Oh, dear. It's very First Draft Wretched. The first twelve chapters are VERY SLOOOOOW. There are so many things wrong with it, that it can be overwhelming, would be overwhelming if I didn't just step back and put in completely in the Lord's hands. He's going to make it beautiful and meaningful in His time. I have no idea how He's going to do that, and in my view He has a huge problem... but it's HIS problem, not mine. All I have to do is read through it and make whatever notes occur to me.

I'm on ch 22. I have made 202 notes so far. Those are the numbered ones. I also have random notes jotted on the ms itself. The problem in those early chapters was keeping myself in the chair and reading. It was a worse slog than the slog I reported on a week or so ago when I was trying to read that other fantasy novel for endorsement.

But why would I expect otherwise? My assignment in the first draft was always to just write and let it be bad. Let it be boring, repetitive, stupid, inconsistent, without direction... Well. It is. But it's cool in one way to see all the stodginess in the beginning, because those are areas ripe for cutting. And cutting is good.

I also have to report on the ranula. Last Sunday, while eating dinner, it suddenly doubled in size. Here I'd been resting in the Lord to take care of it, trying to convince myself it was getting smaller, and suddenly it was very definitely NOT smaller. We went to the dog park and came home and it was if anything getting bigger. If I had to wait two weeks just to see that Ear, Nose and Throat guy, I'd surely have to wait two weeks to get a surgery scheduled if I called Monday. And in two weeks I'm going to a Bible conference.

So the Lord had another problem. Finally about 9 pm, when the ranula was hurting and now seemed to be extending up past my tongue almost to the top of my teeth, I couldn't stand it any more went to Him and asked him to make it smaller. "Could you please just make it smaller now? It's driving me nuts. If it comes back tomorrow, fine, but this is...not a fun time."

I went in to brush my teeth, looked at it, realized it looked a lot different than it had before, almost like a soap bubble now, and the skin on it seemed so thin, I figured I could break it with my fingernail. So I did.

Clear mucus came out. The whole thing deflated. Half an hour after the prayer was offered it was answered. And as the days have passed the whole thing has receded. I don't know if it's just not closed up again (recalling the issues of removing the roof by surgery and having it grow back) and that's why it seems to be gone, or if it's really gone, but whatever it is, I'm happy!

There have also been many spiritual discoveries and realizations going on, but so far I've been unable to articulate them for a blog. Soon though.

--

Ranula

How weird. This is how The Enclave begins:

Cameron Reinhardt is an idiot!

Yes, he had a PhD from Stanford. Yes, he was widely acknowledged as a brilliant geneticist. Yes, Doctor Swain called him the field’s newest rising star, the Institute’s greatest asset, and a fabulous hiring coup. But this wasn’t the first time Lacey McHenry wondered how the man managed to get up in the morning and make it to his office fully clothed.

She stood in the open doorway of the frog room. A large, rectangular steel tank hulked against the bare, peach-colored wall across from her, one of its three, hinged covers propped back against that wall. Live frogs and toads scattered the concrete floor beneath it, watching her with bulging golden eyes; more of them had trailed slime onto the gleaming linoleum of the corridor behind her in their break for freedom.

Apparently Dr. Reinhardt had come in sometime this afternoon and forgotten to close not only the lid, but the door as well. Collecting his subjects, he’d hurried off to his lab, heedless as a teenaged boy, and never mind that all the remaining amphibians could and did escape; never mind that someone else would have to clean them up.

Surely he was living proof that a man could be a genius and a moron at the same time.

The frogs continue to have a place throughout the story, so for inspiration I have small plastic tree frogs scattered about my office.

Thus, it's somehow strangely appropriate that the cyst under my tongue is called a ranula, named after the belly of a frog. Euwww! Supposedly because it looks like one, though I fail to see the resemblance.

I learned all this from my visit to the Ear, Nose and Throat specialist yesterday, a visit that consumed two hours of my time but only about ten minutes of said specialist! Anyway, it's more common in females than males, and more common in children than adults. In fact, he's never seen one in an adult.

I'm honored. Not.

It's a salivary gland duct that has been occluded...er...stopped up (been reading too much medicalese). We can go to the hospital and he can cut the roof of it off and let it hopefully form a new roof without the saliva inside it. Of course it might not do that and they'd have to cut the roof off again. Maybe again. Maybe have to take the salivary gland with the roof... Or we can just wait and see if it will go away. Which it probably will.

Since it's not really even bothering me any more, I opted for wait and see. The same thing I've done with the trigger finger. I suppose if it suddenly grows as large as my thumb, as the doc said they sometimes do (usually in children), making it hard to talk (heaven forbid) or swallow, then we'll take the surgery route. But that's future and we're commanded to stay out of the future so for now, I'm waiting.

The cause? They don't know. Possibly some trauma to the gland, though how that would be accomplished, I have no idea. Quigley's given me a lot of cuts and bruises, but I really don't think he could have reached the salivary gland. Maybe it was a particularly ferocious tortilla chip... The internet says it's bad luck.

Ranula. Too weird.

Catching Up

Where does the time go? I knew I had missed a few posts but when I logged on and checked the last one, I was astonished to find it was a week ago. Well, there've been a series of smallish but annoying happenings that were momentarily distracting, but turned out not to be a big deal. Nuisances, time consuming ones, but no more.

Like the bizarre cyst I've developed under my tongue. I've actually had it for maybe two months, and thought it was a blister that I sometimes get from a food allergy. I had been pressing on it with my tongue, releasing the fluid in it, and flattening it. I kept thinking it would go away. Finally, last Wednesday, I couldn't release the fluid no matter how hard I pressed. That's when I realized that I'd had it too long, and probably should get it looked at. But who would I call to look at it? Thursday morning I talked to the nurseline through my husband's work, and was advised to see a doctor within three days, so I called my primary care physician and got in that afternoon.

Of course, it's distracting, especially with all the cancer talk that's been going on in our lives lately, and not just because of my mother. But I more or less refused to let myself go there and a good thing, since it's only a nuisance, the doctor said. Something that can be cut out on an outpatient basis (or might even go away on its own). He thought I'd get in with an ear, nose and throat guy within a week but they were booked up, so it won't be till next week that I can see anyone. Meanwhile I'm really thinking the thing is going away on its own.

On Tuesday (last week) I had replied -- finally -- to an email asking if I'd read a new fantasy novel for possible endorsement. Normally I don't do that sort of thing, but this time, being on "vacation" I thought I might give it a shot. The only problem was that the book in question is the second in a series of which I'd not yet read the first. But the publishers willingly offered to send me the first book to read in prepartion for the second. I told them that I'm a fast reader and if a book grabs me I'll finish it in a day or two, depending on the length. Both books arrived Wednesday evening, so I figured I'd have Thursday to read the first. And except for the intrusion of the matter of the cyst, I did. Except...

It didn't grab me. I kept stopping and thinking of other things I could do. Wanted to do. Eventually I stalled out at something like page 31. The next day I read about three more pages and stalled out again. I haven't been able to pick it up since. I have read that for some readers it's slow going in the beginning, but picks up later, so maybe that will be my experience as well. But I also don't think it's my cup of tea to begin with. And there's almost an aversion in me now toward reading it...

On Friday, Quigley tore up one of the cushions on one of our couches while we were away at dinner. We returned to a happy-to-see- us, tail-wagging dog at the back door, walked through the kitchen and dining room to the living room and stood there with our mouths hanging open. He had shredded the fabric and the batting, and tore out chunks of the foam base of the cushion, further reduced some of the chunks to bits and pieces, added in the shredding of several paper items and spread it all across the living room floor. He was having a jolly, old time. We were not.

None of our dogs has ever done such a thing, so we were completely shocked that he had. The only good thing about it is that that couch was old and on its last leg. We planned to replace it with a new one and were only waiting until we were sure Quigley was reliable. Well. We're sure now that he is not. Just in case we doubted, tonight he chewed a hole in his bed.

And yesterday he tore a hole in the orca chew toy I'd just bought him that was supposed to be for Rottweiler-type power chewers and designed to provide "long-lasting chewing enjoyment." Try five minues.

Friday he swiped the Fels Naptha soap off the kitchen counter that I was using to scrub barbeque grease out of my shorts... which gave him diarrhea for the next four days (the Fels Naptha, not the shorts). Sunday he was mugged at the dog park by a huge German Shepherd, a husky or malamute type dog and a pack of followers...

But tonight he and I took a walk around the park in perfect weather, with very few people, storm winds cooling us off and storm clouds providing great sunset views.

And yesterday my mother had her first session of chemotherapy where everything went splendidly. Instead of the six hours they told us it might take, it only took two. She had no allergic reactions, little discomfort, did not get sick and had a generally normal day. Today she had to return for a post-treatment shot designed to keep her blood count from dropping, one that she was warned might make her feel bad and achy. So far, though, that's not bothered her either. I grateful for the Lord's answers to prayer, and His gentleness with her in this situation.

And finally, rounding out the end of the missing week, today I talked with my editor for 2 hours about The Enclave as she gave me her feedback on it. Almost none of it was surprising (except maybe the part about it actually hanging together and not being boring). I'm not sure I'm ready to work on it yet, but I'm thinking I might start reading it tomorrow or the next day. Just read it through, nothing more. See what's there, but not make myself have to figure anything out. But first I have a couple of birthday cards to finish.

Well, that's it for this post. Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow rather than next week! That's my intent, anyway.

--

Royal Family Weekend and Enclave

The monsoon is officially underway and once again we are watching the thunderheads build during the afternoon. This was taken through the front window, early in the process.

Last weekend our Pastor from Massachusetts, whom we listen to online, either live or recorded from a video stream and played three hours later (since 7 am is too early for everyone to get to church) came out to visit us, giving us some face to face teaching and some time of encouragement and fellowship. Friends from adjoining states came in for the occasion (as did our son, from San Diego), and we had a great three days. One of those nonstop talking things, that always leaves me with a sore throat, since I'm not that used to talking.

All in all it was a fantastic time. The things that were taught and said were amazingly right on target for the issues that we've been dealing with -- and the only way he could have known was through the leading of the Holy Spirit because we hadn't told him. Some of the things I hadn't told anyone about, so that was very cool.

I also got a chance to ask a question about the Nephilim (specifically how there could be some "afterward" as mentioned in Genesis 6, when they'd all been destroyed in the flood) which prompted a great deal of discussion. It's made me a little more comfortable about the theory I came up with for The Enclave, which I had begun wondering about lately.

Speaking of The Enclave, my editor has finished reading it, but will be out of the office for the next week until Monday the 7th when she'll be ready to talk to me about it. It seems weirdly appropriate that that should be the same day my mother begins her chemotherapy. I'm going with her and we expect to be there about 6 hours, so I probably won't be doing any book talk that day. We saw the doctor today, after the completion of all the tests, and it's become clear this will not be an easy process. But God chose it for our benefit and has His hand on it all. The important thing, I'm finding, is to stay in the moment and keep my mind out of the future.

Karen

General Hospital

Well, the obstacles and distractions continue right up to the end, it would seem. I really intended to start posting more after the Sunday May 18 post, but circumstances have prevented it. I can't remember what happened that next Monday, but something did and I do remember only being able to work for half a day.

About two weeks ago we learned my mother has breast cancer, and last Thursday we spent the day at the hospital with her while she had her surgery. The operation went splendidly, no blood loss, no problems whatsoever, which is pretty remarkable for an 80 year old woman. Of course many people were praying. We are waiting now to see if chemotherapy will be needed.

Friday, the next day, she was discharged from the hospital, and after driving her home, I come home and literally crashed. I was SO tired I just lay around all day and napped. Meanwhile, during all of that my husband was suffering from a very intense stomach flu. Saturday I got some good work in, but Sunday was church and also the day we were going to celebrate our son's birthday. We were to meet at 5pm.

About 4pm I went from feeling fine to feeling bad. By 6:30 I was in the bathroom losing my lunch (literally). It was the most intense bout of stomach flu/diarrhea I've ever had, which admittedly isn't saying a lot since I've rarely had the stomach flu. I think the last time was when I was a kid.

The second day, Monday, I couldn't sit up for any longer than it took to take a few sips of water. I slept on and off pretty much all day. And visited the bathroom in between. So obviously I didn't get much work done then either.

It's so bizarre the way these things keep coming up, but I am getting used to it. In some ways I just want to get this book finished before something else happens! If only I had the energy. I'm not feeling too bad today, even went for a walk, though I still haven't been able to eat much more than dry toast in the way of solid food. Maybe tomorrow.

Believe it or not, though, things are progressing with The Enclave. I have 23 chapters ready to go, and six more drafted. Only one of those is really, really sketchy at this point (that would be ch 29, the one I started today). I think the book is going to go to 33 or maybe 35 chapters. But these are shorter chapters than were in Guardian-King, especially some of them. So it doesn't look utterly hopeless. I doubt I'll get it in by next Monday, but I'm now shooting for sometime that week for sure. Probably should let my editor know.

On the home stretch now!
Karen

Hand & Box Report

Last week I visited the hand specialist. He confirmed that I have trigger thumb and two triggering fingers on my right hand (my ring and index fingers), with the thumb being the worst. He said there's really no clear cause, and that while restricting activity and anti-inflammatories can help, they don't necessarily cure it.

I could have gotten a cortisone shot around the thumb tendon that day, but I had Quigley in the crate and didn't want to have my hand incapacitated for the rest of the day. Plus I wanted to see if the chondroitin and glucosamine would work. The bottle recommends you take three capsules for 1-2 months, so I'm waiting to see if there's improvement at the end of two months. It seems like there is some, but it's not dramatic by any means. And the fingers seem to change. One day the ring finger is triggering, the next day it's the index finger.

If it doesn't work out, I can call whenever I want to set up an appointment for an injection, and I don't have to worry about it spreading or getting so bad there's no hope but surgery. At least at this point.

It's not necessarily a repetitve injury related thing, though it can be. Or it can be from an injury to the base of the finger where the tendons have thickened. It can be related to another condition like arthritis or diabetes (I don't have either of those). More often it has no clear cause. It is more common in woman than men, and often begins between ages 40 and 60.

Dr. Margolis doesn't really recommend the chondroitin/glucosamine route, but he was fine with me waiting to see what would happen. He said that sometimes it just goes away by itself, too. Why do I suspect it might go away as soon as I have this draft finished?

Assuming I ever finish it, which at the rate things have been going seems doubtful. LOL. Not really. Today I woke up realizing that I had taken back Quigley's biting problem from the Lord and was trying to solve it myself again -- feeling like I had to constantly be interacting, watching him, dealing with the situation. But when you trust the Lord with all your heart (thinking) and do not lean on your own understanding, you aren't supposed to be thinking about the problem and what to do about it. You leave the problem to Him.

When I saw that I could just put the whole biting thing into His hands and leave it, and not feel like I have to take a puppy class, or some other class, or find the best solution, training tip, or be the best trainer, but could just leave it alone and let Him handle it -- in His time -- the peace returned. So that's how I'm dealing with it today. If he bites, I do the same things I've always done, but I'm not going to get into that place where I'm thinking I have to get it stopped NOW.

And today was great. He hardly made any skin-teeth contact at all. I actually had him outside quite a bit, too, so I got a lot of thinking work done on Box. I decided not to include a number of scenes I'd planned, rearranged chapters and a scene or two. I'm now working on chapter 14 again, but I've taking the second half of the old ch 14 out and put it in 15 and have a new scene I'm adding to the end of the new 14. Once finished, I can move on to 16, which is already sketched in, or maybe even 17, depending on how I'm led.

Tomorrow is another day.

Grace,
Karen

Miscellaneous Update

Last Wednesday and Thursday I was unable to access the blogger dashboard to do a post. Today I had more trouble and it turned out I needed to reset the Local Area Network. That seemed to work and here I am.

Last Monday (the 21st) I researched trigger finger treatments and discovered that what I have isn't tendonitis after all, it's some weird ailment that mostly affects older women starting in their 40s - 60s, and isn't a result of overuse after all. It just happens. They don't know why. You can have it in one finger or several. The doctor on the site I found said that he'd only seen one person have it in all ten fingers at one time and it was a handball player. He said that immobilization is ineffective, as are anti-inflammatory drugs, icing, and activity moderation. The first line of treatment is cortisone shots and if those fail, surgery. The longer you wait, the more likely surgery will be your only option. After either treatment, though, it might come back. Swell.

I made an appointment with the hand surgeon that day, but he was booked up for four weeks so it'll be awhile before I see him. Then a friend told me she'd had trigger finger and used chondroitin/glucosamine and it went away. So I decided to try that (since we have an abundant supply in the house) and see if it gets better before time for the appt. So far I haven't seen a lot of improvement, but at least I'm not trying to blame my actions for it, and have just gone back to doing whatever I need to do. The good news is, my shoulder is no longer giving me trouble, though that could partly be because I've still not been able to do much computer work with Quigley around.

Speaking of Quigley, he's been getting better in some areas and developing new problems in others -- like learning from the dog on the other side of the fence to join her in barking continuously at each other. And we had an incredible, two-hour, crating scream-fest last Friday night.

Today brought new troubles, however and the worst, yet: he threw up all his breakfast mostly undigested about six hours after he'd eaten it. Since at his age he is vulnerable to parvovirus, even when he's on the right schedule of shots, we were concerned he might have it and took him to emergency (why do these things so often seem to happen on Sundays?). Turns out they think it might be a blockage in the small intestine. X-rays showed no hard object like a rock or wood, but from the pattern of gas pockets the vet saw, she thought it could be some sort of thread or fabric blob. Or nothing but irritation from something he ate. Like orange and tangelo leaves, or dirt. Or cat poop. Or...??? She also said that she's had occasions when she's seen the pattern indicate an obstruction but upon cutting the animal open, finds nothing. Since Quigley eats everything, though we've been trying hard to keep him from doing so, it could any of the above.

Treatment options were 1) to give him subcutaneous fluids along with injections of antibiotics and famotidine and, assuming he doesn't vomit for 12 hours, see if he can then hold down food and water, 2) hospitalize him on IV fluids with possible barium drink/x-ray exploration to see if the blockage will pass with the increased hydration and 3) exploratory surgery.

We opted for treatment number 1, the least radical treatment of subQ fluids and wait the night out. Actually it was my husband's decision, because after the night I spent waiting with Bear during his acute kidney failure episode, I hate wait-the-night-out scenarios. But since I failed in that event so badly (spiritually speaking), evidently the Lord has decided to give me another shot at it. And what a surprise: that very principle was mentioned in Friday night's Bible class, which I actually didn't listen to until last night. If we fail a test, He'll graciously keep giving us another shot at passing it.

Hmm. Kind of gives you a little more motivation for passing it!

Grace,
Karen

I'm Back!

From the day of my last post, December 20, until today, I've done no writing. First there were Christmas preparations and activities and then we left for California to visit my stepmother who is 86. Her sister (who is 87) is living with her now, and they have the house filled with belongings that were suddenly taken out of a much bigger house and put into a storage shed, and from there into the current small house. There was no room for us to stay there, so we stayed in a hotel. First time we've ever done that on this trip. In fact much of this year's trip was different and we really didn't know what was going to happen from day to day. But all turned out well, and we had a good time. Visited the Aquarium of the Pacific, the beach and found a great Chinese food restaurant in Cerritos.

It seems to me that God has been doing this constantly in my life now -- much fog and uncertainty, no plan ever allowed to stand as it was conceived. Something always changes, and often everything that you thought was going to happen collapses entirely to make way for something new. Or perhaps people or circumstances prevent a plan from being developed in the first place. The lesson then, is flexibility and the importance of focusing on Him -- rather than circumstances -- on a moment by moment basis.

I'm also seeing more and more the reality of the fact that true to God's word, those who desire to live the spiritual life will have problems and sufferings, and they are not going to go away. A particular problem might resolve but it will soon be replaced by another. Details of life. The charge of the mosquitos. There's been clouds of them lately.

The tendonitis I mentioned last month has continued unabated, actually worsening after the trip, probably because I did none of the recommended treatments for it. Oddly, repositioning my pillows at night (the ones I use still to prop up my arms) seemed to have had the worst effect, all that gripping and pulling through the night. Or maybe it's just been all the things I've had to do with my hands in the process of the aforementioned Christmas activities, cleaning, carrying and the stuff on the trip. Or maybe it just takes a long time to get better.

Besides the hands, a muscle spasm has started up in my right shoulder that manifests with burning intensity every time I sit down at the computer. Like a knife in the muscle. I don't know what to do about it, beyond stay away from the computer. I don't know what to do about my hands; either, though I'm thinking about calling a hand surgeon tomorrow.

And even when I decide that I am GOING to sit down and right, things come up that must be dealt with or attended. And I fall back on the knowlege and conviction that God has everything under control, that I might not have a clue what is going on, but He does. This book I'm supposed to be writing is His work, not mine, and He's going to have to see that I have time/energy/health and mental clarity to do it. Period.

I'm hoping that I can start again tomorrow. But that's tomorrow. For now, it's enough I've done this blog post!

Trigger Fingers

Based on the number of hits the writing parts of my body are taking, I'm beginning to think I must be writing something really important in Black Box. Now, just as my left arm is finally getting to the point of being useful and not too troublesome, I find I've developed tendonitis in my right hand, particularly my thumb. I think it's from too much housework, too fast.

It's not the first time I've developed tendonitis from housework -- scrubbing the tub is something I have to do in parts or I'll get it in my elbow. I've also developed painter's elbow when I painted the outside of the house a few years back. This is the first time I've gotten it in my hands (and I do have it in both of them, though it's much worse in the right hand)

Too much squeezing and scrubbing led to my fingers growing stiff and painful. I can't make a fist. In the morning they are especially stiff, and when I try flex them and straighten them out they lock and then suddenly spring open. I researched it last night and discovered this is called trigger finger or trigger thumb. And I have it in my thumb, as well as the fingers, and lately it's been worst of all, because when it "springs open" it sends a sharp pain through my thumb and palm. It's also visibly swollen.

It's officially called tenosynovitis and involves the inflammation of the tendons and sheath around the tendons, which prevents them from flexing open smoothly. The treatment? Advil. Ice and... of course... immobilization. They advise a splint. I'm just trying not to do anything. It's been going on for about a month, and seems to be getting worse, so finally I went to the Internet and realized I really have to stop doing everything. Which is what I've done today. I thought I'd give it a couple of days of the above treatment, and if it doesn't get better I guess I'll have to see a hand surgeon. I can't open bottles, turn faucets, door handles, locks, open the car door, or turn on the ignition. I can type, but I feel I need to do so on a limited basis because I can't always tell while I'm doing something if that's going to bother the thumb or not. Writing longhand is definitely problematic. (Does that mean I should just sit down and start typing out scenes and stop making notes?)

Sheesh! What a crazy year. But as with all the rest of it, I know this is the Lord's problem not mine. If He wants me to write, He'll have to work all this out.

Grace,
Karen