What's This?

A blog post! Where has the time gone? Well... starting late January 15 our 2009 Arizona Bible Conference unofficially began. It lasted until late Sunday, January 18th and was the best conference I've had yet. I was amazed by the way God orchestrated things, from the teaching, to the living examples of that teaching, to the challenges people wrestled with both from the teaching and from each other, to the interactions between them. It was truly like a living organism, the way people fell and rose again, and came and went, bringing challenge, inspiration, nourishment and encouragement, and carrying away the waste materials of old, wrong thinking, pain, bondage, condemnation and failure.

God told me through the classes and through nearly every person I spoke with that I have to stop trying to do things, stop trying to take control with this book. He will do it. He told me that I cannot make the deadline an idol to which I sacrifice my life and time and peace (and really, my relationship with Him) in hopes of satisfying it and not bringing its wrath down upon my head.

He told me that Jesus was late to the wedding at Cana, and when the people came to tell him about Jairus's daughter who was dying, he dawdled and thus missed His deadline, which was a true deadline: the girl died before He got there. Ah, but He's in the business of resurrecting the dead, and missing that deadline was part of the plan.

The lessons have continued since, and I have fought them. At least until the last few days. This all sounds so trite and superficial in light of what has happened. But for the longest time I have been so confused. How do I relax and let Him do it (speaking specifically of writing this book) and yet do the work? When I relax, I always think I get too relaxed and wander off into distraction. When I try to work, I get too wrapped up in it and start to try to take control.

There are many aspects involved in this whole situation. One of them is the fact that our sin nature doesn't just produce sin, it produces good. Good that is disgusting to God (as Isaiah 64:6 reminds us -- all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment). The trouble is, it doesn't seem disgusting to us. It seems good to the natural mind. It seems right. And sensible and professional.

And that's been part of my problem with this whole book and deadline thing. What God has been working on in me (not me working, I've given up) is not my sins and weaknesses, though they come out, but my strengths. My tendency toward human good. I want to fix things. I want to make that application. I see that I'm not supposed to care about the deadline or whatever, and now I want to make myself not care. I see that I'm supposed to do my work heartily and now I want to make myself do it (even though I may not be sure what "heartily" means and may not even stop to think I might not know -- or, maybe, can't know?). So part of what I've concluded in the last few weeks is that I just can't do it. Which is really ironic, given how many times I've told other people that we can't change ourselves. Oh, but I want to. So badly, do I want to.

I want the Life beyond Dreams. I want to be a winner. I don't want to be ashamed in heaven. I want to do what I'm supposed to do and to obey. And what I'm grappling with is the reality of how the old self can take those perfectly good and legitimate desires and warp them. Seize them for itself and go running off on a plan to make them happen. And it doesn't seem wrong or wicked at all. It seems very right and good and even doctrinal. Which, as I said, is often how human good seems to the natural mind.

The laughable thing about it all is that it's not very long before I've fallen into frustration, dismay, anger, anxiety, guilt, condemnation, etc, because I can't execute my plans. I told the Lord, "I don't know how to just let go and still do the work. I don't know how to wait and still be ready. If I start trying to make sure I'm taking every thought captive and sort out what doctrine to apply I end up tying myself in knots."

And He told me I don't need to know. He'll do it. I just need to relax.

He reminded me of One Day at a Time and Stay out of the Future. What I must consciously do is STOP thinking about anything related to the future. Focus on today. Focus on the work I'm doing today. Not the work I have yet to do, or the work I will do tomorrow, only the work I have to do today. And of that, really, only the next thing. Whatever is the next thing -- the next chapter, the next scene, the next paragraph. That's all I need to do right now. When that is, done, then I will focus on the next thing.

He reminded me to believe Him when He says He will be good to those who wait for Him, to the person who diligently seeks Him. (Lam 3:25) To rest in His Hands. The book is His production, not mine. When someone else is in charge of an operation, you don't have to think about the big picture, you only have to think about the task you've been assigned in it.

He reminded me that even if everything seems like it's wrong, it's not. Everything is actually right, because it's exactly as He has chosen it to be in eternity past, for His glory and the blessing and benefit of His creatures. Like me. Whatever happens, whatever comes in that looks like a disaster, a hindrance, a delay... it's okay. He's got it all in hand. He's decreed it to be.

He reminded me that when I'm confused or lost or tired, I can come to Him for answers, guidance and renewal. This may seem like a "DUH" point, but I lose sight of it sometimes when I'm deep in the mire of paragraphs and lines of dialogue and bits of scene setting and elements of world building that all need to be integrated somehow in a way that makes sense, moves the plot, is internally consistent, doesn't use too many words, and sounds good. I was formerly getting frustrated and overwhelmed and backing off. I still do that, but now, after a break, I go back and ask Him to show me. He has been.

As a result I now have, in finished form, the first 29 chapters of The Enclave. I don't know how many chapters there are going to be. Maybe 40. Maybe more. I told my editor that I didn't think I would finish it all by the 9th but that it would not be too long after it. Maybe a week. Maybe two. We're playing it by ear. And things are finally starting to get clearer. Not flow, necessarily, but it's gathering shape and substance and clarity, which in itself is motivating. It's hard to keep pushing yourself through a sea of mush...

Anyway, that's kind of where I've been for the last couple of weeks. And oddly, I've had no words for the blog. I wasn't even intending to write this one, but suddenly the Spirit moved. And here it is. How about that?

~~~

A Private Retreat

Well. I was supposed to go to the San Francisco Bible Conference last week, scheduled to leave Thursday and return today (Monday). I had my plane ticket, my hotel reservations, and had even gotten my suitcase out in preparation for packing. But Enclave had not been going well, and distractions just weren't ending. We had a birthday celebration for my mother on Tuesday night, during which Thanksgiving and Christmas were discussed. Maybe that triggered it.

Or maybe the Lord just used it. I don't know. Whatever the case, I was awakened at 4:15am Wednesday morning by a hot flash (not unusual) and was flooded with the sense that I should not go. That I needed to stay home and concentrate on the book.

Lately the Lord had been dealing with me on the matter of taking this part of His calling on my life more seriously. If you've been reading this blog for any lenght of time you may have noticed that I've been struggling to apply some of the principles I've been learning -- most notably the concept of rest. I have never been sure how to rest and at the same time do the work. Most problematic of course was that horrid deadline. Should I completely ignore it and just live my life like a normal person, doing whatever came up, writing as I could and let the Lord handle it? Well that was one way to maintain rest.

Sort of.

But over the last few weeks I think I was being shown something else. Not that I need the deadline, but that I have an unusual calling, one that seems to require solitude, and much time for contemplation. The sheer number of things that had crowded into my mind compromised my ability to concentrate on the word. And maybe I should be taking that work more seriously. Not to the point where I obsessed about the deadline, but where I started choosing for it over other things.

So there I was Wednesday morning, faced with the sudden conviction that I should stay home. Yes, it's a good thing to go to the conference and fellowship with the other attendees, to build them up, to encourage the pastor(s). I've done any number of them. I'd sacrificed time to work on the book just last August for one. Maybe it was time now to sacrifice time at the conference (for I absolutely love going to them) for the sake of the book.

It was one of those choices where both seem right, but you can only choose one. In the the end, talking it over with a friend, she pointed out that I was only seeking to do what God wanted me to do. Whatever I decided he would bless it, because the motivation was right.

I had already decided that I would go and work on the plane and in between lessons... so the whole idea of fellowshipping was already curtailed in my thinking. To go, to have to spend Wednesday preparing, then Thursday traveling... and how could I gather my material properly to work on it somewhere totally outside my comfort zone, as one of the pastors taught over the weekend? Not just out of my comfort zone, but on an old laptop I never use, with a different program, a flat keyboard, no printer. I wouldn't have my files, my papers...

So I decided to stay home, looking at it as a matter of caring for my own vineyard, which is a concept we've been repeatedly exposed to of late in our Bible classes. I canceled my flight (I love Southwest -- didn't lose any of the money, and have it for the next conference I need to fly to. Maybe Florida???) and my hotel reservations. Except for the one friend I talked it over with, and one other, I kept my decision secret, deciding to act as if I was out of town, still get the lessons, but beyond that devote all my time to writing.

Wow. That level of concentrated focus really made a difference. What I thought I would work on, I didn't. What I did, was very difficult. I became enmeshed in a dilemma of which of several scenes to put in what order, and what day should I start them on. Should I begin the narrative on Monday and just do a summary til I got to Wednesday, or should I start on WEdnesday. Should I start with Cam? Or Lacey?

In the end I had to go back to chapters 19 and 20 and redo the endings on them, putting in material I was trying to stuff into 22 and 23. It's made 19 and 20 much stronger. A lot of things emerged over the weekend, time which I had mostly to myself, since my husband had other activities that kept him away most of the days. I really started learning how to listen to the Lord.

It's been so cool to be blank and just go to Him and say what should I do? Then I listen and He tells me. It's step by step. Moment by moment. I am not thinking about the deadline at all. I've given it over to Him. Again. I've also given over myself to Him, too, since I have been so utterly incompetent at managing myself. He'll have to do it. The cool thing is, he's eternal and omniscient so in His perfect plan He's already factored in all my screw ups.

So this marks the end of my little "retreat" but it's been very enlightening and I think I will be doing a lot more guarding of both my time and my mind in the days to come.

Notes from the NE Conference -- Burnout

The recent New England Conference was so full of rich concepts that really resonated with my life, that I thought I'd share a few of them, excerpts from my notes. I don't know how far I'll get, because they seem to be tying into things I'm dealing with right now, and I may want to write about those things as well, but I'll start with some snippets from my notes from the first morning, Tuesday Aug 5:

"God's been preparing all of us as a body of Believers to learn the importance of one word -- love. We all need to recognize and improve the love we have for one another. It begins with you taking care of your own soul first, your relationship with God,. Then you worry about your relationship with your family, church, ministry, nation...

"Do you have a problem loving others? It's because you don't really love yourself.

"People who recognize their own sins, their own flaws, faults and failures are those who make the best ambassadors for Jesus Christ. Those who're forgiven much recognize how much they have been forgiven. When you see all the ways you fail, you'll have the ability to love others.

"We must take care of those areas closest to us before we can take care of those who are at a distance.

Song of Solomon 1:6 says, "Do not stare at me becuase I am swarth, for the sun has burned me. My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me caretaker of the vineyards, but I have not taken care of my own vineyard."

"burned" here refers to a believer who is burnt out, who hasn't set aside enough time for himself -- for studying the word, prayer, time with God. If you're going to lay down your life for others, you must first take care of yourself.

~~~~

The AZ Group

Here is a smaller than I expected picture of the AZ group that attended the 2008 New England Bible Conference in Massachusetts last week. I'm second from the left. As you can see, most of us are wearing long pants, long-sleeved shirts/jackets, etc. I should note that the tallest person in the back is not from Arizona, so far as I know. Also, two of our group reside in Colorado in the summer, Tucson in the winter, so I guess they could count for Colorado and Arizona.

It already seems like an age ago. At church today people asked how my week was, and I could hardly remember. Well, there's been a continuing issue with Quigley. He is acting all fine and lively but his digestive tract has not been right for days, so I've been cooking a lot of rice and examining a lot of droppings.

Tomorrow (Monday) I take my mother for her third chemo session. This time we are bringing our lunches since I expect they will want to go very slowly with the infusion to avoid a repeat of the reaction she had last time.

Here is a snippet from my conference notes that I especiall liked:

Every day when I wake up, I should say, "What does God have planned for me today? What will happen in my life that I can learn of the Lord Jesus Christ and how He responded to life and to His father."

~~~~

2008 New England Bible Conference

I'm back! A week ago Monday I left with several friends for Massachusetts by way of Albuquerque and Baltimore (though we never had to get off the plane) to attend a week long Bible Conference at our "home church," Grace Bible Church in Somerset, MASS.

It was amazing. First because the members of the local assembly there made incredible provisions for us, their guests (I don't know how many people came from other states and nations, but there were a lot of us -- a rough count of the folks I know of tallies at 97.) They provided us breakfast and lunch every day, the foods mostly prepared by members of the congregation, which meant we got to taste an array of the kind of food that the local people actually ate. It was all yummy, but I'm still blown away. There was also an abundance of drinks, and in the breaks, coffee, tea, and various other treats, snacks, hors d'oeuvres. The last night at a "Raptard Party" (that's a party for the Rapture retards -- those of us who believe the Rapture is coming in the next few years) they served lobster. I've never eaten lobster, so that was quite an experience. Very good. Very messy. Very fun.

There was also a lot of rain, which those of us from the desert appreciated. And it was cold. Which I also appreciated despite the fact I wasn't prepared for it. When I packed, I couldn't even conceive of what cold felt like. Should I bring more of the short sleeved tees or the sleeveless? It never occurred to me I might want something long sleeved. But despite the fact that I was able to wear only a portion of what I'd brought, I the cold was a welcome reprieve.

Of course we didn't travel all that way just to enjoy cool weather and rain, nor even to sample local foods. We came for a spiritual feast and a great reuinon of royal family. And boy did we have both!

If the physical food was fantastic, the spiritual food was even better. Amazing. Phenomenal.

The conference was on relationships and there were a number of speakers -- we had about five hours of teaching every day -- and all of them seemed to be on the same pages, teaching various aspects of the same message even though they hadn't in most cases talked to one another or coordinated what they were going to teach on. The Holy Spirit was thus very much in evidence, His hand seen in the almost eerie orchestration of all the messages and songs.

The central theme was relationships, but the one thought that seemed to me to have been most repeated was that you must get your relationship with God in order first, and only then can you get your relationships with people in order.

I'll have more to say on it all tomorrow, but right now I'm still getting unpacked and caught up on all the things that didn't get done while I was away. And trying to recuperate from all the excitement, late nights, three hour time zone shift, and five hours of sitting on a plane.

Royal Family Weekend and Enclave

The monsoon is officially underway and once again we are watching the thunderheads build during the afternoon. This was taken through the front window, early in the process.

Last weekend our Pastor from Massachusetts, whom we listen to online, either live or recorded from a video stream and played three hours later (since 7 am is too early for everyone to get to church) came out to visit us, giving us some face to face teaching and some time of encouragement and fellowship. Friends from adjoining states came in for the occasion (as did our son, from San Diego), and we had a great three days. One of those nonstop talking things, that always leaves me with a sore throat, since I'm not that used to talking.

All in all it was a fantastic time. The things that were taught and said were amazingly right on target for the issues that we've been dealing with -- and the only way he could have known was through the leading of the Holy Spirit because we hadn't told him. Some of the things I hadn't told anyone about, so that was very cool.

I also got a chance to ask a question about the Nephilim (specifically how there could be some "afterward" as mentioned in Genesis 6, when they'd all been destroyed in the flood) which prompted a great deal of discussion. It's made me a little more comfortable about the theory I came up with for The Enclave, which I had begun wondering about lately.

Speaking of The Enclave, my editor has finished reading it, but will be out of the office for the next week until Monday the 7th when she'll be ready to talk to me about it. It seems weirdly appropriate that that should be the same day my mother begins her chemotherapy. I'm going with her and we expect to be there about 6 hours, so I probably won't be doing any book talk that day. We saw the doctor today, after the completion of all the tests, and it's become clear this will not be an easy process. But God chose it for our benefit and has His hand on it all. The important thing, I'm finding, is to stay in the moment and keep my mind out of the future.

Karen

The Sheep's Works

Sheep can do nothing for the shepherd. They cannot carry him when he's weary, heal him when he's hurt, guide him to water or pasture... It is the shepherd who does everything for the sheep.

In ancient times, sheep were a measure of a person's wealth. They were valuable animals that produced wool, mutton, and milk. The wool was by far the most valued production and was, of course renewable.

It was the wool that really struck me in the conference lessons. That is the most valuable production of the sheep: wool. Yet sheep do not consciously grow wool. They don't sit in the pasture and think, "I'm going to grow some wool today," then close their eyes and strain as they say, "Grow, wool! Grow!"

It's really the shepherd who has the most to do with the quality or quantity of the sheep's wool. If the sheep is well cared for and eats the good grass and drinks the clear water, wool is produced. All those things have to do with the Shepherd and how he cares for the sheep. If the shepherd brings the sheep to bad grasses, it will become malnourished. When it's malnourished, wool production is poor. The wool is shorter, thinner, brittle. And other areas of sheep production are not as good either. The milk is not as nutritious or as abundant. The lambs may be smaller, skinnier, fewer and weaker...

This analogy to Christian works could not be better. Readers occasionally write to thank me for being obedient to God's calling to write. The sentiment has always left me somewhat bemused, and now at last I have the proper metaphor to express why. It's like going into the field and thanking the sheep for making wool, when all the sheep did was follow the shepherd and eat what He provided. The wool was a side-product from the sheep's point of view. Better would be to thank the shepherd for taking such good care of the sheep. Or to thank the sheep for eating, but that seems a little weird, too, since what's so special about eating? Sheep are dumb, yes, but even they know how to eat!

Now, whenever I hear the term "bring glory to God" I visualize myself sprouting wool -- whatever production I have is something I do because I'm designed to do it. If I'm eating the right spiritual food and drinking the pure water, at rest and content, then it's going to happen. Not because of me and my intent and my plans, but because of my Shepherd's.

Grace,
Karen

Big Bad Shepherd

I have an old Reader's Digest book called Great People of the Bible and How They Lived. I don't much care for the text but the photos and illustrations are fabulous. One of these, by artist Paul Calle (back in 1974 -- he's come a long way) involves a lion making off with a sheep, in the midst of four bare-chested shepherds armed with spears and slings. If you've ever seen the video of the lion attacking some hunters, you know how fast those things can move. How efficient and powerful of killers they are. To come up against one, armed only with spears, clubs and slings would be daunting to say the least. (If you haven't seen it, you can see it here, but be warned -- it's kind of hard to watch and the lion dies.).

Shepherds of David's day and before were not wimps. When Joseph's brothers sold him to the slavers, they concocted a story about having found his tunic torn and bloodied, and their father Jacob naturally concluded that he'd been eaten by a wild beast. It was a good story because that was a common end to shepherds in the field. When you went out with your sheep (your flock of brainless mutton on the move, the world's first mobile cafeteria) you knew that there would be predators that would come to seek what you were guarding and guiding. David recounts his own story of having killed both lion and bear to get his sheep back. David, the shepherd who slew the giant Goliath with a sling and a sword. .

Shepherds were tough and fierce. David, writing of the Twenty-Third Psalm knew that as well as anyone, and was a demonstration of it.

In last week's conference Pastor John Farley quoted from Josias Leslie Porter's book, Five Years In Damascus: With Travels And Researches In Palmyra, Lebanon, The Giant Cities Of Bashan And The Hauran. Porter was an 18th century missionary who visited the middle east in order to get a better idea of the reality behind many of the images used in the Bible. He said that shepherds even of that day had none of the peace and placidness we see in the stereotypes of devotional renderings. They were more like warriors. Grim-faced and fierce eyes, armed with dagger, pistols, battleaxe, and club they went out prepared to do battle for their sheep.

"Don't confuse the Lamb with the Shepherd," said Pastor Farley. "If a shepherd is up to the task of guarding and keeping his sheep, he will be more like a lion."

I think that's wonderful imagery to help us see yet another facet of our Lord's person and character. In fact, that's what this psalm is about: who is our God? David could have cited the ten characteristics of His essence, but instead, he went a step further. The Lord is my Shepherd. My big, bad shepherd who is absolutely up to the task of handling all my needs, of bringing me to the place of choice grass and quiet, soul restoring waters, who will heal all my wounds, guard me from ravening beasts, and whack me over the head with his rod or haul me out of thickets with his staff when needed. With this guy leading me, taking care of me, providing for me, how can I possibly ever lack for anything?

Well... the fact is, I can't. And every time I worry about anything, no matter how small, I'm being exactly like the stupid sheep who freaks out at the sudden appearance of a rabbit and starts a stampede of the other stupid sheep in his periphery. And the best thing is, my shepherd knows that. He knows my weakness, and He knows how to take care of me in spite of it.

The Lord is my shepherd, I CANNOT lack.

Grace,
Karen

What Sheep are Really Like

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want..."

So begins perhaps one of the most famous passages in the Bible, and certainly the most famous and beloved psalm. Many have memorized it, claim it and love it. But how many read it with the realization that if they claim the Lord as their shepherd, they are identifying themselves as sheep? And if they do realize that... do they really understand what that identification implies?

Our Arizona Bible conference last weekend dealt with this latter question. And the identification does not imply that sheep are cute and fluffy creatures who love following their shepherd, and we are therefore the same. I wonder how many people are aware of the very frequent and consistent reference God's word makes to us humans as sheep. Of all the animals it's sheep that God chose as the ones we most remind Him of.

So what are sheep really like?

What follows are some tidbits on sheep from the conference, courtesy of a former sheep farmer who was in attendance. Consider how much like sheep are we as people (spiritually/soulishly):

Sheep are dumb. Dumber than goats; dumber even than cows. They are so dumb they have to be led into the barn at night because they can't find their way on their own -- this is the same barn they might sleep in every night!

When sheep fall over they need assistance getting up.

When they do fall, their wool gets filthy and they need to be brushed and cleaned by the shepherd,or eventually they will develop all sorts of ailments.

Because of a sheep's makeup, it is impossible for them to lie down and rest. They must have a definite and complete sense of freedom from fear, tension, aggravation and hunger before they will rest.

Sheep require continuous attention and tremendous care from the shepherd.

When sheep are frightened, their first instinct is to run away. And sheep are easily frightened.

They also display a tendency toward mob behavior, particularly with respect to fear. For example, a herd can be grazing peacefully across a quiet hillside when suddenly a jackrabbit jumps out of a bush and startles one. In moments the one's fear (of nothing) has spread throughout the entire herd and they all run panicked in every direction.

Keep in mind that God is well aware of all these qualities and chose the comparison VERY deliberately!

If you'd like to hear these lessons for yourself, you can find them at http://www.gbible.org/ under "Featured classes": AZ conference 2008 (in four parts)

Grace,
Karen

Quigley and a Bible Conference

A whole lot happened this last weekend which is why I missed my posts for last Thursday and Sunday evening. Even today I'm fairly distracted and know I'm not going to get much written.

On Thursday the preliminaries for our annual Arizona Bible Conference began, with old friends arriving from out of town and many of us gathering to help with the setup of the conference room occurring at the Doubletree Hotel that evening. Because Pastor McLaughlin is on hiatus, dealing with personal issues, Pastor Farley taught the entire conference, giving us an in depth look at Psalm 23 not only from a shepherd's point of view but from a sheep's as well. (If you want to listen to them, check out the AZ Conference 2008 lessons at http://www.gbible.org/ where they can be streamed or downloaded.)

They were a fantastic series of lessons, which I will no doubt be drawing from for blog posts in the near future. (Though at the rate readers are asking questions that I'd like to answer, who can say.) The best thing about it for me is the image I will carry with me of the shepherd/warrior, the strong, wise, gentle man who at the same time is fierce and well armed and prepared for fighting off lions, bears and thieves sometimes single-handedly to protect his sheep. The one who must make sure the sheep are protected and feel completely safe before they will eat from the pasture of choice grasses He has led them too. But more on that later...

...Because the second event of the weekend, almost as significant in details of life terms as the conference is in spiritual terms, is that on Saturday my hubby went to Phoenix and brought home Quigley, an eight week old redbone coonhound pup, who even at this young age seems nothing like Bear and is quite a handful. His arrival meant that in interim moments during the conference and attendant activities (which included the ordination of Pastor Rory Clark and three deacons; eating out and a trip to Sabino Canyon) I slipped home to meet and play with the puppy. Who is incredibly cute, but has very sharp teeth and claws and seems to be far more fixated on biting and chewing than I remember Bear being.

His presence means that I must do my chores and especially any writing activities during his naps, because at this point we haven't forced crate training on him, and aren't comfortable leaving him in our not-puppy-safe yard yet. He is quite comfortable outside, but since he seems to want to bite and chew on everything in his periphery, the yard is not ready for that...

Since I am not ready for him to attack the wires of my computer yet, either, I don't want him in my writing room and so...I have yet to work out the details of how I'm going to get any work done apart from naptime. The Lord knows how, though, and I'm trusting Him for all of it.

Also, I'm happy to report, my shoulder pain has abated, and I decided maybe the kingdom of darkness was the real source of my finger problems and have chosen to ignore them for now. Just do the things I have to do, and leave it to the Lord to handle. If my hands turn into claws, then I will have to do something. But so far that doesn't seem to be happening. Though they are now covered with scratch-scabs from the onslaught of tiny, knife-sharp puppy teeth!

But isn't he cute?
















Grace,
Karen

Finally Back

Last post I said I'd be back on Tuesday, but as it turned out I was too travel-tired to make myself write anything. One of the reasons I added another week to my hiatus from blogging is because I was in Salem, Oregon for their annual Oregon Bible Conference over the weekend. We had fantastic weather, fantastic and challenging lessons, wonderful, rich conversations and a lot of conviction about showing God's mercy to others, specifically in the realm of communicating the Gospel or important information regarding the spiritual life, even though the likelihood of being rejected is great.

A group of us also went to the coast again (see photo) but this time it wasn't foggy. Cold when you were walking into the wind, yes, but not when it was at your back. I had a great time.

The friend I traveled/roomed with and I approached the entire adventure without our usual in-detail planning, and didn't even rent a car. Instead we relied on God to work out all the details, and boy, did He. It was awesome to see the provisions unfold, day by day, moment by moment. And seeing as our lessons have been on the divine decrees of late, it's been tremendously stimulating to be able to apply those concepts to our lives.

Also, while in Oregon, my broken arm and carpal tunnel hand had a chance to rest since I didn't have to deal with the usual chores and such. Even better, the cold dry air worked wonders for relieving the discomfort, though that returned as soon as I stepped back into the hot, humid air of Tucson. Thankfully, the humidity is falling rapidly, so that, too, may soon be a thing of the past. Plus, I've only one week left of wearing this cast. I can't wait to get it off!

The really funny thing? I've never been to a conference where anyone had a cast. And this time there were two of us with them. So we got to compare casting technique and injury stories. His was much more interesting than mine...

Grace,
Karen

San Francisco Conference

Last Thursday, Mar 15, I headed out for San Francisco for another weekend of learning God's word and fellowshipping in the company of like-minded believers from all over the country. This was the first time for the San Francisco group to hold a conference and it was wonderful. At left is the lobby of the Doubletree Hotel --San Francisco Airport -- where it was held.

Pastor McLaughlin was in fine form, opening the conference Friday morning in Revelation 3:14 where he began the last segment of his conference studies on the seven churches of Revelation. He started with a review of the seven churches which some take to represent different developments in the church throughout the church age, while others say they represent different types of churches in any generation and still others that they represent different types of believers in any given church during any given generation of the church age. I tend to think it's all three.

Again he stressed the importance of knowing which dispensation we are living in, for without that knowledge it will be impossible to live the Christian way of life.

From there it was on to the exegesis of Rev 3:14 which begins the passage on the church at Laodicea. The first word of note is aggelos which can be transliterated "angel" or translated "messenger," depending on its usage. When it refers to supercreatures, the transliteration "angel" is used; when it’s referring to something in the human realm, it should be translated "messenger." In Mt. 11:10, Mk 1:2, James 2:25 you find examples of when it’s used for people and translated messenger.

In this case, it refers to the pastors of each of the seven churches in Asia minor at the time, and also to the future pastors of the different types of churches in the church age, who are certainly God's messengers to us in these days. But the Pastor does not have a special in with God. He has a voice. Behind the voice must be thought and understanding of the word of God in the original languages, in the historical context in which it was written (Isagogics) and in the comparison of scripture with scripture.

The Bible is the most important textbook, historical tome, instruction manual known to man. It is the one book we can study constantly and still not learn all that it contains. It will survive all time and the destruction of all the present universe. It contains the very thoughts of God, given to us so we might know Him – who He is, what He’s done for us and what He wants us to do.

It has always seemed like a no-brainer to me that the Bible beyond all other books or sources of knowledge should be studied intensely -- like no other. In it are the keys to life in time and in eternity. In it are all the answers to any problem any person will ever face. It contains the answers to why we are here, how we got here, where we are going…

But we can’t all sit down and spend all day studying the word of God because we have to feed and clothe and shelter ourselves. Thus God provided the gift of pastor-teacher. To certain men He has given the gift of pastor teacher, and they are to be supported by those who are assigned to learn from him, so that he will be free to spend his days in the concentrated study of the word of God.

It's not an easy calling. In fact, the daily teaching that is the practical outworking of Our Lord's command to Peter to "feed my sheep" is the easy part. It's the studying that is the hard part. The part that requires discipline, dedication, preparation and a great deal of mental effort. It may take a man all day to unravel the meaning of a single verse – insights that may take but seconds for him to speak when he teaches his congregation.

I can never be reminded of this without feeling a depth of gratitude that God has given me a man who is willing to do all this. It's hard work and unfortunately there are pastors out there who do not wish to do it and so resort to other, easier routes.

More than that, there are many believers who do not wish them to. Believers content to scratch the surface of the love letter God has sent to us under the assumption that the deeper truths, the theological matters have no bearing on their day to day lives. They just want to get by. Or maybe they just want to get whatever they can out of it so as to have a nice life.

I was especially struck by the words Pastor McLaughlin spoke toward the end of his message:

The Lord Jesus Christ had many lovers of His heavenly kingdom, but few bearers of His Cross;

Many seekers of comfort, but few of tribulation;

Many companions of His table when He was prospering, but few in fasting.

Many desire even now to rejoice with Him, but few are willing to undergo suffering for His sake.

Many are eager to follow Him so they can eat of His loaves... but few that they may drink of His cup.

Many say they love Him, so long as there is no adversity.

And many will praise and bless Him so long as they receive comforts from Him. But if He withdraws Himself from them, they fall into complaint or even great deception...

As I said, it was a great beginning to a great weekend.

Grace,
Karen

Arizona Bible Conference part 2

After the teaching on the fact that Jesus Christ controls everything, Pastor McLaughlin turned to an examination of the Synagogue of Satan, mentioned in Rev 3:9... A synagogue is a place of learning, and refers not to a literal synagogue, but to a system of thinking. Satan's system of thinking, with which he has decieved the whole world, is constantly teaching us whether we want it to or not, through the media, education, books, music, other people, Internet, etc. It's a multi-faceted system, holding something to appeal to almost everyone, and can be broken down into two major approaches.

The first represents the way Satan thought at the time of his own fall, prior to the creation of man, and cited in Isaiah 14. It's a system of living for self, with no interest in God whatsoever. ("I will make myself like the most high. I will ascend to the mount of the north. I will do what I want.")

For those who want to live for something beyond themselves, he has a second approach, offering them the various religious systems like Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, cults, etc. If people do manage to believe in Jesus and become Christians, he has counterfeits for them as well. This second approach accepts a belief in God or even in Jesus, but subtly attacks His character, his nature and His word. Satan does this by bringing in counterfeits that seem right, but are just enough off to lead his victims astray.

Wanting to be like God, He has counterfeited everything that God has done or commands. The Bible teachs of another Jesus, another Spirit, another gospel, another communion table... He presents himself as an angel of light and has ministers of righteousness sent out to teach people how to be righteous his way. These are the people who think they are serving God and aren't, mentioned in Matthew, and Romans, and Timothy and Corinthians. We must be alert to them and turn away from.

This second approach represents Satan's thinking after the creation of man, when he went into the garden and questioned the woman regarding what God had said. Satan knew very well what God had said, ("From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat") but pretended ignorance to trip her up. "Has God really said you shall not eat from any tree of the garden?"

He used this approach again when he tempted Jesus in the desert in Matthew 4, quoting scripture to our Lord in the second and third temptations. Which brings up the startling point that Satan knows the Bible. In fact, few have mastered it as much as Satan -- he's had thousands of years to work at it, after all -- though without the filling of the Holy Spirit he'll never be able to really understand it.

The point is, he can and does use even the Bible to trip up God's people. If we are not solid in what the word of God teaches we will be vulnerable to his schemes, Bible based and otherwise. For they are everywhere.

Karen

Arizona Bible Conference

Photo: Doubletree Hotel in Tucson

This last weekend we held our third annual Arizona Bible Conference for Robert McLaughlin Bible Ministries here in Tucson. After temps in the high seventies for a week, clouds and a cold front moved in just in time for the conference. Not exactly what we would have hoped for to welcome attendees from the northeast and northwest, who had had their fill of cold and clouds. But so what! It was a great conference no matter what the weather.

Pastor McLaughlin continued his teaching on the seven churches in Revelation, taking up again the Church at Philadelphia mentioned in Rev 3:7 - 13 where he left off at the California conference in November.

He started with a brief reference to the doctrine of the open and shut doors, reminding us that God opens and shuts doors in our lives because He loves us and has a definite direction in which He desires each of us to go. When he shuts a door, we should be humble enough to accept it. If we push the door open -- and often we will be allowed to, if we insist -- we will not end up where He wants us to be.

After that he took up the concept that Jesus Christ controls everything, as referenced in Colossians 1:15-17, and many other passages. "The continuation of the universe and creatures and the stabilized atmosphere of our earth depends not on the devil or people or so-called scientific laws, but on the omnipotence and perfect integrity of our Lord Jesus Christ." He upholds all things by the word of His power, even when he was a baby coming forth from the womb, even when he was on the Cross. In fact, when He was on the cross he could have called on the angels to deliver him from the lies, the mocking, the people who had put Him up there, but he did not, because He chose to stay until all our sins were paid for.

So-called scientific laws were not created by science, nor can science uphold them. Science simply observes, investigates and plays with them. (A point that reminded me of something I'd read recently in an interview with Michael Crichton, that "Science is a self-correcting discipline." Meaning that whatever is believed to be true about things today, will most likely be "corrected" as men continue to observe and investigate the environment in which God has placed us.)

Pastor McLaughlin listed some items that supported this concept of "self-correction," starting with Erastosthene's 3rd century BC tally of "all" the stars: 675. This was presented as scientific fact at the time. In 200AD, Ptolemy counted 1028 stars. Flamsteed in the 18th Century counted 3000. In 1862, as telescopes continued to improve, 300,000 stars were counted and today, of course, the count is over 200 billion in the Milky Way alone. The stars didn't change number in all that time, only our ability to see them. Which is, of course, the obvious and major limiting factor in science: our ability to perceive all the necessary information and then to correctly put together what we've perceived. It confounds me how men and societies continually conclude that they've finally gotten all the relevant facts, only to discover later that... they did not.

So it's not science that made the laws or governs them, and it's not science who put us here, and really, it's not science or scientific advancement/invention that will destroy us or preserve us. That power belongs only to our Lord. Science can only observe His brilliance and His faithfulness and His power. And if science contradicts what His word says, then I'll take His word, and wait for those scientists to correct themselves!

More important though, the upshot of examining the fact that it is Jesus who controls everything, who made everything and maintains everything... that He contols the storms, the winds, the thunder and lightning, the rain, the sea... that there is nothing outside of His reach -- the conclusion you come to is that there is not a single problem in your life He can't handle. And yet how often do we get distracted by and focused on the details of our lives and all we can see is the problem. How silly to let ourselves get all flustered and frenzied when we know the one who numbers the very hairs on our heads, and yet holds the planets in their paths and hangs the earth on nothing! It's an awesome study to meditate on.

And that was only a snippet of what was taught the first morning.

Karen

2006 California Conference

Above is a view from our hotel, the Riverside Marriott.

I've just spent the last four days in Riverside, CA for what was, I believe, the fifth annual Robert McLaughlin Bible Ministries California Conference. We had a great time, as always. Two classes a day, Friday and Saturday, a question and answer period Saturday night after class and another class and communion on Sunday.

I got some great answers in class and in the Q&A afterward and was so looking forward to going over my notes (I'm a copious note-taker) only to discover that somehow I'd left my notebook in the hotel room! Arg. (One of a number of consequences of going on a trip immediately after a big push to finish a book draft. For the second time now, I have dared to venture out into public without a brain. This time, fortunately, I gave no speeches, but I was amazingly turnip-headed! Leaving my notes behind is just one example!)

Anyway, today I tried to recall some of the things that stuck out for me and here are some snippets and reflections ...

In honor of Veteran's Day Pastor McLaughlin broke from his study of the seven churches in Revelation to do a special on soldiers. He started with the doctrine of Warfare, then went on to a study of Gideon.

Gideon's story starts at the end of the 40 years of peace that followed the victories of Deborah and Barak. Israel is once again doing evil in the sight of the Lord, ie, getting involved in idolatry. I've often wondered about all the emphasis on idolatry in the Old Testament, in light of Romans 15:4 (For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have confidence.) If it's for our example, instruction and encouragement why all the references to idolatry being such a problem? I mean, you don't see too many statues of Baal around these days. Then he defined idolatry: anything we turn to for help, happiness, support, success, comfort, encouragement or security instead of the word of God. By that definition, idolatry takes on new meaning.

Even as Christians, how many of us turn to something besides the word to make us feel better or more confident or secure? How many of us focus on getting that thing we just know is going to solve all our problems and make us wonderfully and finally happy? In fact, without it, we are often desperately unhappy and yearning. It can be a job, writing, being published, getting a mate, having the mate you have act right, having your family or kids turn out right... the options are innumerable. I see the temptations everywhere, but for me now they especially hang out in the field of writing when it comes to getting or being/staying published.

As Pastor McLaughlin moved through the passage the next major subject was miracles and how miracles are the easiest thing in the world for God to do. The much harder thing for God to do is to get a Believer to line up his thinking with God's -- to learn His word and then to apply it to his life. A miracle can be accomplished by a snap of God's fingers, but bringing a Believer to maturity requires that believer's volition. And a lot of time and consistency.

Miracles are used for many things, but rarely does God use them to deliver his people from their problems. Instead, the deliverance lies in his word -- in changing our thinking and our viewpoint and really believing what God has already told us. And that's pretty much what happened with Gideon. The arabs in the land were the problem, and the miracles didn't solve the problem.

Gideon was visited by the Lord and told right off that he -- Gideon -- was going to deliver Israel. After that he saw two miracles: the fire coming out of the rock to consume the meat and the bread he'd offered, and the Lord vanishing before his eyes. But at that point, instead of remembering what he'd just been told (that he was going to deliver Israel) he thought he was going to drop dead from having seen God. His panic tells us how short his memory had become, and how shaky his understanding of God's very recent word to him was.

Of course he didn't drop dead, but finally got his act together, listened to what God told him to do and went and tore down his father's idol -- in the night. And that was another cool thing. Gideon was too afraid of his father to do it in the day, and his fear (despite having been told directly by God that he was going to deliver Israel and seeing two miracles) caused him to do it at night. Which, ironically was exactly what God wanted him to do since the final operation for which Gideon was being prepared would be accomplished at night. I find the fact that God has incorporated even our failures into His wonderful plan to be extremely comforting. And also the demonstration here of His very great patience with us when we are total doofuses.

Which Gideon surely was. For after he tore down the idol and saw his father suddenly switch sides and defend him against the angry religious Israelites who wanted him dead, and after 32,000 Israelites came at his call to be under his command, he lost his nerve again. This is so much what I see in my own life. Great things happen, you realize God is leading you in a direction, first you're afraid to step out on faith but finally you do it, then the stakes multiply and -- oh, no! What if I make a mistake? I have 32,000 men waiting for me to command them. What do I know about command? What if I fail? Oh, noooo.....

So then we have the fleece episode which is really... well, blasphemy. God already told Gideon what was going to happen, and Gideon just didn't believe him. The God who cannot lie. The God who does not change, and in whom there is no turning or shadow. Gideon doubts Him, so he asks God to prove himself. Give me a sign. How many of us do that? I'm really not sure you mean what you say here in your word, God. Could you make the stoplight turn red right now? Or the lights in my living room flicker? Or have someone call me? And God was gracious. He did the miracle. Only to have Gideon doubt the miracle and turn around and ask for another. And even while being insulted, again, God answered his request.

I liked how pastor emphasized at this point how in Judges 6, Gideon had been doing all the talking and not listening much. As a result he didn't learn much and kept falling into fear. But in Judges 7 God started doing the talking, Gideon started listening and obeying and finally started moving forward in the plan...

Karen

OR Conference: Doctrine of the Open Door

This is the brand new Salem Conference Center where our Bible conference was held last weekend. It was directly attached to the hotel, so it couldn't have been more convenient.

A week ago Wednesday my friend Kelli and I were talking about some tapes she had given away to someone and couldn't find -- one of which was on the Doctrine of the Open Door. "Oh," I said, "I really want to hear that one." But it turned out there was only part 1 of 2 on the shelves back at Grace Bible Church where she'd gotten it and she didn't think they could make any more of them. And the doctrine wasn't available online either. "Well," I said, "I'm sure he'll repeat sooner or later. Maybe he'll even teach about it at the conference!" It was a totally random remark because we had no reason to think that would be the case, and we both laughed to think of that happening.

Thus we were absolutely blown away when Saturday night, as part of the line by line study of Rev 3:8a ("I know your deeds. Behold I have put before you an open door which no one can shut...") the pastor began a study of the Doctrine of the Open Door!

An open door refers to a grace opportunity God provides us related to giving meaning, purpose and definition to our lives. God puts before us many doors -- as many, in fact, as we have positive volition enough to walk through. Some are universal, like salvation, and, for believers, the door of communication of truth, while others are individual-specific, like the open door of service.

I especially appreciated the information given in connection with the door of communication of truth -- that it has two sides. One side where the communicator must be given an open door to communicate the truth of God's word and the other side, where the receiver is given the open door to receive that communication. And this part is what really struck me:

"If you stay receptive to the communication and application of the truths of God's word, live in your spiritual gift and the niche He has for you, He will bring everything to you: your pastor-teacher, the word of God, the spiritual gift itself, and even an occupation that gives you the time and money to do what He wants you to do. Whatever your spiritual gift is, prepare yourself in it and God will provide the people to feed off it. That means you don't need to employ all the gimmicks and publicity efforts the world systems says you do. He will do it. It's simple.

"He will nourish, nurture and mature your spiritual gift, not you.

"In Col 4:3 Paul asks for the Colossians to "pray for us that God may open up to us a door for the word, so that we may speak forth the mystery of Chirst..." Paul realizes he needs help -- the people must be lined up to receive the information and Paul must be in the right place at the right time to provide it."

This meshes so well with the whole concept of gathering readers for one's books. The readers have to be lined up -- they have to have the time and inclination, in a way they have to be prepared to receive what a writer has been led to provide.

At the very the beginning of my published life, I received confirmation of this fact in an email from a woman who said she'd walked into the bookstore looking for a devotional to help her with some tough times she was having in her life. She looked through all the books on the devotionals shelf and found nothing that interested her, turned around and there was Arena standing on the shelf behind her. For some reason she picked it up and that is the book she bought and took home. Then she wrote me to say it helped her far more with her troubles than any of the devotionals she'd considered would have.

It's all His work, His plan, His grace. We just have to rest in that.

Grace,
Karen

PS. I'm posting over at Speculative Faith tomorrow (Wednesday) continuing my reflections on how obvious to make the Christian elements of my work and what has come of my decisions. I hope you'll check it out. It'll be my last time to blog over there until the first Wednesday in November.

Oregon Bible Conference

Well, I'm back from the Oregon conference and it was wonderful. Fantastic. So many amazing things happened. We got to fly, drive a brand new rental car, stay in a palacial hotel (the Phoenix Grand Hotel, pictured above) and eat wonderful food -- in addition to the classes and the fellowship. But we did have something of a time getting there, as our Delta flight out of Tucson was "permanently delayed" when we arrived to check in. Actually the lady at the counter said "Cancelled" at first, immediately amending that to "delayed". Even though all the people on the flight were now being parcelled out onto other flights.

But they were very helpful, and got us rerouted through Phoenix instead of Salt Lake City and arriving in Portland at 5pm instead of 2:30pm. Because we were rerouted, we were "randomly" selected for being searched. Now the young lady I was with, a long-time family friend, is a top student with impeccable manners, and also very slender, very innocent looking, and was wearing a fairly tight tee shirt that day. Seeing her getting patted down was one of the funniest and most ridiculous things I think I've ever seen and I couldn't stop laughing about it. It was funny to be patted down myself. I don't think the lady who was doing the searching particularly appreciated it, though. She was very serious about her work... and I guess I just had a hard time taking it that seriously.

Anyway, we had to spend about two hours waiting to leave Tucson and another two in Phoenix. We both had work to do, and so the time was well spent. I also think perhaps I should invest in my own private plane cabin because I became incredibly productive stuck in a tiny aisle seat next to people who are completely engaged with each other, with nothing else to do. Sheer boredom forced me to do my editing work on Chapter 21, despite all the obstacles I kept encountering in the work!

At the end of the flight the young man seated next to me, seeing my earplugs wrote me a note: "Is Haiku 5, 8, 5?" Now poetry is not my strong suit. I think I skipped that unit in high school. I did know Haiku had a formula but I had no idea if it was 5, 8, 5, or 5, 7, 5, or something else entirely, and had to admit this, and also that no, I was not an English teacher! He thought, given the way I was marking up the manuscript that I must be grading papers. Oh, my. Woe to any student who would receive grading like that. I'm not sure I'm even going to be able to follow what I did!

Anyway, at length we got there and later that night we learned that my son and his traveling companions were also delayed out of Tucson, though not permanently -- just enough to miss their connection in Phoenix. As a result they did not get into Portland until 2 or 3 the next morning. Given all the things that were going on -- all the problems and hindrances that were hitting not just our group, but almost everyone we talked to who came -- we knew it would be a fantastic conference. And it was.

But more about that tomorrow.

Grace,
Karen