Monday, March 06, 2006

the good that I would...

Even without the complication of serpents’ venom, fear is a constant temptation for me; one I have to face in some form nearly every day. Fear I’ll not get the story ‘right,’ fear I’ll not finish on time, fear I’ll not have been suitably disciplined and because of it, all will be lost… Even fear I’ll run into that horrible blankness when I want so badly to write something and make some progress. That in particular stops me from diving in, the same way fear of cold water makes you stand waffling at the side of the swimming pool.

The solution is a familiar one that for me must be repeated constantly: I must recall and believe that God has all of it under control. That He’s the one writing this novel, not me, and that NONE of it depends on me, not even on my being regular and disciplined. I WANT to write this book. I want it to be the best I can make it. I show up at the desk almost every day and I’m willing to work hard when I know what to do. I’m listening to the teaching of His word daily and trying to apply it. As much as I can, I’m filled with the Spirit. That’s all I need to do. He will do the rest.

Even my failures in self-discipline are not a problem for Him. He knows my weakness and He knows at times it’s going to get the better of me. He’s already told me that’s going to happen: “The good things I want to do, I don’t, and the self-indulgent, stupid things I don’t want to do, that’s what I do.” Of course He’s allowed for it! That’s why He provided such an easy means of getting back into fellowship: I will acknowledge my sin to Him and move on. What He wants is what I’m already doing, for the most part. But he also wants me to relax and trust Him completely for this. And to enjoy the flight.

Today: I finished the second draft of chapter 1, through page 11. It takes lots of thinking, but I rather enjoy revising. It's fun to make things better.

Grace to you,