Today is the coolest June day we've had since 2000. It was only 89 degrees. Clear skies, a bit of a breeze. Wonderful!
Yesterday's trip to Cartridge World to get my ink tank refilled went pretty much as I anticipated. Though it started out smooth enough, after I installed it at home the light that showed the ink was low kept flashing -- even though the tank was now full. A couple of phone calls later revealed to me that the Canon MP350 big black ink tank is the only one they can't get to work right. (the printer's other ink tanks can be refilled fine). We actually did get it to print, but the printer can't tell how much ink is in the tank anymore. I knew it would be something strange... So I didn't get a whole lot done yesterday. At least my arms and wrists were feeling better. As they are today.
Today I floated around most of the day, trying to concentrate and failing, trying to work and ... not seeming to in any direct way. I wrote some nonstops, prayed, wrote in my journal, walked in and out of the office. It was strange the way I would read through all the elements of the chapter I'm working on, trying to see the pattern, trying to see what was the most important thing, to see how it all fit together and have nothing whatsoever seem to gel. As soon as I'd get to the end of whatever I was reading, it was as if I'd read nothing at all.
I have been contemplating the fact that it is part of the spiritual life to be content even when God is taking things away from you that you really care about, and when it really starts to look like He's not going to do what you hoped He would -- what you had trusted Him to do. Still, you look it in the face and you accept it (He's not our own personal genie after all; His plan is not about making things go the way we want) and go forward with the plan. Whatever He's going to do, you know without a doubt it will be better than anything you could come up with in your own pathetic little plans.
Today I was reminded that I also need to be content when the words and story don't come as I'd like, either. No different than anything else in life, but somehow it seems like it is because I keep thinking that I'm in charge of this. But really, if I could have written the chapter I would have. If I could have figured out the problem I would have. It wasn't for lack of desire. Or time. Or opportunity. Finally I just gave it over to Him and relaxed.
About forty minutes before time for Bible Class, a paragraph suddenly fell into place. Then a couple more. And after class, a few more things moved and shifted and took on a better shape. So in the end, I actually did make some measurable progress today. And I'm grateful.
Grace and peace,