The latest was Enclave. Not just what am I going to do in it next, but what am I going to do, period? Should I listen to the part of me that's not wanting to work and do other things? Or should I force myself to do something? If so, what do I force myself to do?
On Sunday morning, I wrote in my journal: "Is it really that you slam every little thing on Him and don't think about it any more?" (Yes, I've been over this and over this. I'm a slow learner. I can't believe, I think, that it could be so easy. That I really DON'T have to figure it all out, come up with a plan and execute it.) As I said, it's the "don't think about it" part I'm struggling with. Though I'm not sure what I think "slam the cares on Him and leave them there" means except don't think about them, since it's the thinking about them that's the worry part...
Anyway, after writing that question, I took a shower, did my morning routine with Quigley then, as I got ready to eat breakfast, I opened one of my little books full of excerpted notes from Bible class. It was completely random, when you just open the book and expect to page through it to the place you're looking for. Only this time the page I opened to said:
God has given us instruction on how to walk and please Him. He has taken care of the trip. He knows where we're going and what we need and He's provided everything we need. DO WE BELIEVE THAT???
We've received advanced doctrines and motivation to continue to spiritual maturity and on into No-Man's Land, and we can excel still more. Going ahead will blow you away. But there'll be times YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT.
That's the whole point: believing more and more just how great God is, despite what eyes say or friends or your body, your bank account, the world. THAT'S ALL HE'S AFTER -- that in spite of all the chaos and nonsense and distraction and silliness, we stick. We continue to believe Him and trust Him.
Anyone who heard the lesson taught in Basics class tonight at Grace Bible Church in Massachusetts will recognize that the same concepts were communicated. I especially liked the part about how, just as God did everything for us concerning salvation while we were still his enemies, much more will He do even more everything for us concerning all that comes after now that we're His children. He has a plan and He's provided everything in it that I'll need to carry it out. And primary in that plan/provision is that I learn to think like He does, which means I learn who He is, more and more, and what His grace -- what His plan for me -- is really about.
Grace upon grace. Living grace upon salvation grace. As we came to Christ, so we are to walk. Not depending on ourselves and our ability to solve our problems or come up with a solution, but believing Him and waiting for Him.
So yesterday I did that. I told Him I was going to trust Him to move me to write, if that's what He wanted me to do. And if not, I would just enjoy my time in Him and not worry about it or guilt myself because of it. And it turns out, He didn't want me to write, because I didn't do a lick of it.
Today however, what was a blank field, an empty room, a solid, featureless wall, turned into a field of possibilities. Chapter 7 has begun to take shape and I did it today. Because I wasn't supposed to do it yesterday.