Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Enough time

{Image of digital clock here which Blogger won't upload}

At this time, as the days are running out and the chapter progress has once more slowed to a maddening creep, I have to remind myself that God knew exactly how long it would take me to write this book, and He set the deadline accordingly. Furthermore, I must recall that He has given me exactly enough time. Not extra time. Not less time. Exactly enough time. Down to the minute.

I don't like that, as I think I've mentioned before. I especially don't like it now, when I still can't see clearly how everything is going to work and ... of all things!... have to keep doing this walk by faith thing. It would be nice to do a little sight-walking now and then, I think. Or maybe not. Since faith is much more pleasing to the one who put me here and gave me this calling, than sight. I just have to keep claiming and keep claiming the promise that it's all going to work out, even though I'm still not seeing it.

Even though, just when I think that's it, I've got it in the bag, it'll be a simple matter to just run through the rest of these scenes... they all fall to mush and fog. A hundred questions beset me. I can't answer any of them, though I'm thinking right about now that maybe I'll just force the answers to some and see where it takes me. It can't be worse than the blank screen, head, etc.
I think I mentioned chapter 35 last week. I'm still stuck on it. I did write 10 1/2 pages of it yesterday finally, after thinking about it for 3 days. I added another five or so today and now have 17 pages. It is almost done. I just have this one intense, really cool, been-looking-forward-to-it for months bit to do. A page or two. Maybe a paragraph or two. And everything has gone still and silent and blank.

But I've prayed, and I've shown up at the desk, and my attitude is good. And He hasn't yet delivered. So, I just have to wait patiently, knowing -- believing -- that He has it all in hand. No matter what it looks like.

Onward, plodding...