State of Fear - 2

Okay, I thought I was done with State of Fear, but there is one more element that I really enjoyed: seeing the various techniques of argument set against each other in a situation where I wasn't personally emotionally involved. I've been reading off and on recently about techniques of debate, recognizing some of them as things I've encountered without even realizing what they were (like the "say it enough times with great authority and you'll be believed" technique) and this book had some more examples.

What I'm seeing is that just because the listener reacts and won't listen or completely dismisses what the speaker says, doesn't make the speaker wrong or remiss.

In one sequence Evans, the main pov character and global warming advocate, has just been shown a page of fully documented references to scientific studies -- hard data showing that Antarctica, after 6000 years of warming is now actually cooling. Only a small localized portion of it is warming. Overall, it's the other way around. Evans ignores the information Kenner has given him, so Kenner says,

"You thought the Antarctic melting was something new?"

"I thought it was melting faster than previously," Evans said.

"Maybe we won't bother any more," Kenner said.

(His assistant) nodded and started to put the computer away.

"No, no," Evans said. "I'm interested in what you have to say. I'm not close-minded. I'm ready to hear new information."

"You just did," Kenner said.

So he looks over the references they gave him a little more closely and...

... folded the sheet carefully. "These studies are probably financed by the coal industry."

"Probably,"Kenner said. "I'm sure that explains it. But then everybody's paid by somebody. Who pays your salary?"

Kenner goes on from there to lead Evans into admitting that he works for an environmentalist firm, and inquires if it would be fair to say that his opinions are what they are because of it. Evans hotly denies this, but Kenner pushes him a bit more until he's really irritated. At which point Kenner says,

"Now you know how legitimate scientists feel when their integrity is impugned by slimy characterizations such as the one you just made. We gave you a careful, peer-reviewed interpretation of the data... Your response was first to ignore it, and then to make an ad hominen attack. You didn't answer the data. You didn't provide counter evidence. You just smeared by innuendo."

Evans's response to this to to swear at him, insult him further and conclude that "Nobody agrees with you." Another non-argument. When Kenner points out that the scientists who wrote the papers cited on his list of references do agree with him, Evans throws up his hands and with one final expletive, walks away.

Fascinating. I have been on the receiving end of this. I will express an opinion, and people will ignore it, belittle it, then make ad hominen attacks. Press them and they get madder, say "to heck with you," and walk away. The really bad thing is that I know that on occasion I have done the same thing when someone else says something I don't agree with.

It's because we get emotional. And when that happens we stop thinking. It seems enough to just say "That's ridiculous! Nobody agrees with you! Everyone knows the Bible is true!" (or whatever). But it's not. You have to keep thinking and leave the emotion out of it. Emotion has no thoughts, no standards. It just sputters and shrieks. Instead of thinking about the issue, it attacks the person who is not agreeing.

Which, strangely enough, is exactly the subject we started studying in Bible class tonight. The doctrine of emotion... Though when I sat down to write this blog, I had no idea I was going to make this connection... :-) Really!

Grace,
Karen

State of Fear

During my convalescence from the broken arm, one of the books I read (way back in August, now) was State of Fear by Michael Crichton. It was a quick, effortless read, and I really enjoyed it. Crichton has a lot of swift dialogue exchanges so the book isn't as long as the pages make it look.

Making his main viewpoint character a global warming believer was the perfect way to handle the material he wanted to deal with. The hero, John Kenner (a professor of environmental science who was not the viewpoint character), really knew his stuff and when he encountered a global warming fanatic, he'd ask them questions. Like could they back up their beliefs with facts? Usually they couldn't. It was just, "everyone knows this is true!" but no specific data. No familiarity with the texts, the actual studies, or with the fact that many of the conclusions about global warming have been drawn from computer models - which are only guesses - and not hard data.

Here's an amusing sequence:

"So," Kenner said, "Global warming represents a threat to the world."

"Absolutely," Bradley said. "A threat to the whole world."

"What sort of threat are we talking about?"

"Crop failures, spreading deserts, new diseases, species extinctions, all the glaciers melting, sea levels rising, extreme weather, tornadoes, hurricanes, El Nino events - "

"That sounds extremely serious," Kenner said.

"It is," Bradley said. "It really is."

"Are you sure of your facts? You can back up your claims with references to the scientific literature?"

"Well, I can't personally, but scientists can."

"Actually, scientific studies do not support your claim. For example, crop failure -if anything increased CO2 stimulates plant growth."

I love how Creighton pulls you through such exchanges with action. The exchanges themselves are always brief and somewhat contentious, salted in between the action sequences. The story is based on understanding all this, but it's slid in well.

This exchange and others like it made me think of the Bible and being ready to make a defense and maybe even being able to go on offense with Bible information. Kenner was completely relaxed and utterly confident of his facts. He knew what the studies were, had the references, and also realized what the media/world system was doing in terms of deception. How by simply claiming a thing was true enough times, they could bring people to believe it, whether it was true or not.

He didn't argue or get angry, he'd just question people. Eventually he'd cite the facts, complete with references to actual studies. When they responded with ridiculous claims in the face of that evidence, he simply stopped talking about it. In fact, more often than not he just said a little bit and moved on to another more immediate or practical concern. Or left entirely.

Crichton was also good at portraying people who knew nothing, but were very emotional and didn't want to consider facts or change their minds. They knew because it was "obvious" or because "everyone" knew that. I know people like that. I've had conversations with them. I always thought the problem was something in me, but now I'm seeing through this book that it might not be.

I'm also seeing the importance of being prepared with your references -- in my case historical, archaeological or scholarly facts, verses, etc). It's inspired me to move in the direction of preparing a defense... first of the Bible's credibility. Second of the claims of Christ. Not that someone who rejects the Bible as a legitimate authority can't still be swayed by its words. The Word of God is alive and powerful. Alive. It does things to people like no other written material or words can. But logically, defending the Bible -- which in the past is where I've fallen down -- is the best place for me to start.

Back to State of Fear... As I said I really enjoyed the character interactions, the action and the information. Crichton includes a substantial bibliography at the end, listing books he used to prepare for writing his novel. I only went through half of it and came up with a list of books I'd like to read that is probably twice as long as what I would ever be able to. But that aside, the book really moves and has a lot of intriguing, "different" elements. For all he wants to inform about global warming as a scam, Crichton never forgets that he's writing a thriller, either.

Grace,
Karen

The Suffering Servant

One of the reasons it is said the Jews rejected Jesus as their Messiah is because they were expecting Him to come back as the conquering king, not the suffering servant. But scripture paints the picture of both, as evidenced by the belief of some rabbis in two messiahs, Messiah ben Joseph, the suffering messiah, and Messiah ben David, the victorious king. I suppose, human nature being what it is, it's not hard to imagine how they could have lost sight of the suffering servant, even if Old Testament sacrifices do scream of it: the slain lambs and rams and birds and goats... Jewish temples were filled with the blood of animals, all of them pictures of the bleeding and dying the messiah would do. Pictures of a messiah that had to be human, because God cannot bleed, and angels don't bleed nor, so far as we know, suffer physical pain.

Bleeding and pain are for humans.

That realization seems to me profound. It suggests that part of being human is suffering pain. That, in a sense, humans were made to suffer. Yes, Adam and the woman were made perfect and placed in a perfect environment, but that was done with God's full knowledge that they would eventually fall and be kicked out of the Garden. In fact, I believe the Bible teaches that was His intent. (Not that He made Adam sin, just that He knew He would and decided to use that in His plan.)

When God the Son took on the form of a man it was in order that He could suffer what He never could suffer as God. That's a concept sharply at odds with today's society which seems on a mission to wipe out all suffering. We cringe at the thought of anyone having to suffer, make all kinds of laws to protect ourselves from it, try to pretend we can avoid it if we follow those laws and do all the right things. We act like it's the worst thing ever should we encounter some (and most of what we do encounter is trivial, and certainly far less than what our Lord endured).

I think many times Christianity is sold with the notion that it will end suffering. "Come to Jesus and have peace. Come to Jesus and have happiness and blessing." Yes. There is peace, happiness and blessing in a life lived in Christ. But the world's definition and perhaps many Christians' definition of those terms is not the same as God's. The world's idea means no suffering. Peace comes when all the circumstances are good and right and comfortable. That's not God's definition.

I submit that suffering is a big part of what it means to be human. And that the way a Christian views suffering has a lot to do with how he views the Christian life, and his purpose on earth after salvation.

Charles Hodge in his Systematic Theology, has this to say on the subject:

"If the end of redemption as well as of creation and of providence, is the production of the greatest amount of happiness, then Christianity is one thing; if the end be the glory of God, then Christianity is another thing. The whole character of our theology and religion depends on the answer to that question."

It's a question worth pondering.

Karen

Son of Man

Recently we've been studying in our Bible lessons about the humanity of Christ. One area of indication of His humanity is found in the names He is given or gives Himself.

Jesus (Yeshua) is the name provided for his humanity, one shared by four other Israelites, including Joshua the son of Nun, who took over from Moses and led the Jews in taking the promised land.

Son of David is a title that linked Him to His ancestor David (a man) and to the royal promises that would be fulfilled by the Messiah (as a man -- a descendant of David who would sit on the throne of Israel forever).

One name in the New Testament is especially meaningful because it was the name He often gave Himself: Son of Man. This was the title that linked him to the earth, His mission and His humanity, even as it focused on his lowliness and humanity.

The Son of Man has no place to lay his head. (Mt 8:20)

The Son of Man came eating and drinking = human activity.(Mt 11:19)

This name also focused on his suffering and death. "The Son of Man must be delivered over to sinful men...and be crucified and die and rise again..." (Lk 24:7) Any focus on suffering and death has to refer to His humanity, since God can do neither.

The name "Son of Man" is used more than 80 times, and in fact, is used two times more than "Son of God" in the New Testament.

That's interesting. You'd think Jesus would be more concerned with identifying Himself as the son of God, rather than the son of man. After all, few around him had any trouble recognizing him as human and in fact, many thought that was all He was. Why would he use the term Son of Man for Himself more than Son of God?

Well one reason is because of the angels. This was such a cool revelation for me. The Bible teaches we are all a on a stage (see my article What is the Angelic Conflict under Writings on my webpage) where angels watch us and God's dealings with us. They were especially watching during the time that Jesus was on earth, and there are all sorts of references in the Bible to angelic appearances during that time.

And why not? It had to be absolutely mind blowing to them to see the God of the universe, the one they had worshiped in the throne room of heaven come down to earth and literally become a man. A being lower than themselves, a being that could be hurt, that could bleed, that had needs, that was so incredibly fragile. A being whose need for air would tie him to the dust of the earth, even if gravity did not. Mind boggling. It must have been almost impossible for them to believe He'd really done it, thus their need to hear, over and over: he really was God and man, united in one person, forever.

The fact He lowered Himself to do that, makes Him a God worth worshiping. Worth everything. It's mind boggling even for us to think about what God was willing to become and to sacrifice for the sake of people, His creatures, most of whom would want nothing to do with Him... Even so, He reached out and gave it all for us who believe and those who don't. Seen in the full context of the angelic conflict and how the human race figures in resolving it, the Incarnation is a stunning demonstration of God's love and fairness and wisdom. And, above all, His grace.

Karen

Blog Friend Forever

One of my long time blog readers (and former frequent commenter, when I had the comment function turned on) notified me today that she had chosen my blog along with four others to receive a Blog Friend Forever Award. This award is given "to awesome BLOG owners who keep their readers excited about their posts. Their blog posts are interesting (NOT spammy) and worth reading and keep their subscribers looking forward to each and every post." Thanks so much, Michelle! . I'm honored and I appreciate the encouragement.

Michelle lives in Phoenix, and is the sister-in-law of a friend I used to homeschool with. Michelle also homeschools and has recently completed her first novel, Eldala, a fantasy/romance which she has published through Lulu.com. You can find more information about it on her blog sidebar, including early reviews and an excerpt from the book.

Grace,
Karen

Halfway There

I've been really tired the last couple of days. And also really busy with various pursuits. Which is why there was no blog post yesterday. I see my orthopedic surgeon tomorrow -- the one month follow up. In preparation, the physical therapist measured my range of movement and we compared it to his original measurements. I've made decent progress and am about halfway there on the waving/flapping motion with my hand, and maybe not quite halfway on the twisting/rotating motion (twisting your arm so your palm faces up or down -- facing up is the hardest and the one with the least progress)

Between the visiting dog, interrupted sleep, various chores needing doing, the increased number of arm stretching sessions, errands and appointments, I haven't had more than a hour 0r so a day to focus on Box. Tomorrow doesn't look much better but I might be surprised. I'm off the skyscrapers, and have made the relevant decisions about my building. For one thing, I intend to abide by Connie Willis's advice to research and work out no more of the details of your background than you really need. I'm not writing a novel about constructing a building, after all...

The latest area of inquiry is what life is like for a postdoc (and what exactly a postdoc is) and in a research institute. Yesterday I overwhelmed myself with the vastness of my ignorance. Today I remind myself that I am not writing about life as a postdoc or in an institute, either. It's good to keep the goal before me. Also, the Lord knows exactly what I'll need to know and I'm going to trust Him to guide me in that pursuit.

To that end I started reading Michael Crichton's Next which I just picked up from the library yesterday. Already I've learned about dewars (steel thermoses you fill with liquid nitrogen to transport embryos) and cytokines, got reminded of venture capitalists and the biotech world and, having been slogging through a fairly boring biblical novel (a different one from the one I talked about a few posts ago), am quite pleased to be carried along again.

But I still think I'll be going to bed shortly after this is posted. And after I ice my arm one last time...

Grace,
Karen

A Moth and a Dog

"She was delighted in seeing her plan upset by unexpected events, saying that it gave her great comfort and that she looked on such things as an assurance that God was watching over her stewardship, was securing the accomplishment of His will and working out His own designs...(whatever the obstacle or interference) she was joyfully ready to recognize the indication of God's ruling hand and to allow herself to be guided by it."

So said Elisabeth Elliot in one of her books of someone called Janet Erskine Stuart. I copied the passage into one of my little homemade books and though I liked the notions conveyed in it, I don't think I ever really understood them. Until the other day.

I've instituted a little morning routine where I do different chores each day for an hour or so, and last Friday little things kept interrupting, so that the hour stretched into two. Then as I was finally making my breakfast, I found a moth hiding under the mini blinds and spent some more time trying to kill it/get it out of the house. And I thought about how things like that moth, that you don't expect are always popping up and why is that? Why can't things just go smoothly? It seemed to me that the Holy Spirit answered, "So you'll know you're not the one in control of things."

And suddenly I saw it. Well, of course! And not only am I not the one in control, but I need constant reminders of that fact. As I've mentioned before, it's all too easy to get caught up in all the things I've got planned to do. Suddenly the schedule becomes the master and all those things take on way more importance than they should.

Today I got another lesson in that. Today the neighbors had the roofers over to remove the old shingles in preparation for putting on a new roof, and they brought their dog over to our yard while the workmen worked. Hercules is a nice dog, cute, friendly and full of energy. But there were all sorts of little interruptions, concerns, and adjustments to be made as a result of having him here. Somehow I didn't even finish my chores until after lunch. And only got in three of my arm exercise sessions. And no work on Box.

But there is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ and I refused to let myself take a guilt trip over it. Instead I thought of the moth and reminded myself that nothing really depends on me. "Faithful is He who calls you and He will also bring it to pass." Or, as Job says (23:14), "For He performs what is appointed for me, and many such decrees are with Him."

And today's events served to remind me of those facts.

Grace,
Karen

Why I Didn't Like This Book

One of the things I've noticed -- and perhaps struggled with the most -- in my experiences with today's Christian writing communities, is the strong thrust toward supporting one another and one another's works, regardless of the differences in doctrinal beliefs that might exist and the degree to which those differences are manifested in our stories. For some a difference in doctrinal belief is apparently of minor importance, rather like the difference between liking vanilla or chocolate. I've even heard some say that they don't care about theology at all, they just want to love Jesus. And the brethren. For one with that viewpoint, I can see where it would be easy to read and recommend books, movies, etc, regardless of doctrinal content.

I don't think that way, though. Doctrinal differences matter to me. Oh, I'll be the first to say that people have every right to believe what they wish to believe, and even to write stories that reflect those beliefs (indeed, if you're going to write, you should absolutely be writing about what you believe and care about!) What I have trouble with is recommending those books to others when they put forth things I consider to be against the Truth. If my heart cannot rejoice in something my mind rejects as false and wrong, how can I tell others to read it?

A case in point is a book I read recently, which I shall not name because I did not finish it and would not be able to recommend it, for reasons which I shall set forth below. In general I don't like to talk about books I haven't liked, but I thought perhaps this dissertation will shed some light on my approach.

My problems began with the book's premise -- that a man had been cloned from Christ's body using a cell found on the Shroud of Turin. My first thought was that God would never allow that to happen because it would have no meaning in His plan and would, in fact, seriously obfuscate important elements of the work and person of Jesus Christ. The whole reason for the virgin birth was so that Christ would have a human body without a sin nature. Which means his human spirit, imputed by God along with a human soul at birth, would not die on contact with a body contaminated by the sin nature passed down from a human father. He had to be spiritually alive, perfect -- sin free -- and yet, like Adam, have the will that would enable Him to sin if He chose.

If someone were to clone a body from a cell of Christ's humanity, God would still have to impute human life at the point of birth and why would He? There would be no point. God's entire intent was that we come into this world sinners, condemned from birth and in need of a savior. Breathing life into the perfect body of this clone would only be recreating Adam, and we've already been there, done that... Why would I want to read about something that would be completely pointless?

But the book is notable for its success in the field of Christian SF , so I finally decided to give it a try anyway. If story, writing and/or characters are strong enough I might overlook my doctrinal quibbles. Besides, the novel begins with an "Important Note from the Author" that says things in the book are not as they seem and we should keep reading. Okay, I thought. I'll read. The whole cloning thing could turn out to be a hoax...

Given that the main viewpoint character is an unbeliever, and that the character behind the aforementioned cloning project is also an unbeliever -- and one hostile to God -- this viewpoint seemed viable. I had serious trouble, though, when not too far into the book it was declared that the cells which were cloned had come from Christ's resurrected body. There was no way I could believe that, since resurrected bodies are not at all like regular human bodies (able to walk through walls, appear and disappear, fly, travel through space, etc,). The clone, however, did not seem to possess any of these powers, though as the book progressed, he did have some supernatural abilities...

Still working hard to suspend my very intense disbelief and lack of desire to even investigate these concepts, I persevered, holding on to that admonition at the start that things are not what they seem...

Only to run into the author's portrayal of an event which, though never referred to as such in the story itself, was obviously the Rapture. However, instead of vanishing as the Left Behind series presented it (and as I believe the Bible teaches), all the Christians dropped dead all over the world, leaving their bloated, decomposing corpses for those left behind to deal with. That's not only gross and macabre, but I don't believe God would do that with His royal family! The resurrection is a blessed hope, something we are to look forward to with eagerness and delight. Furthermore, we are to lights and blessing to the world, in life and in particularly, I think, in the finale of the Church age. To portray that moment as all of us dying physically in unison, leaving piles of dangerous, pathogenic "trash" behind, doesn't mesh with who we are in Christ nor, even more, with who God is. I thought the whole idea to be an insult to His character.

It also doesn't mesh with what Scripture has to say about the resurrection -- that it is not a physical death, but a bodily resurrection. The mortal shall take on immortality, and our bodies shall be changed in the twinkling of an eye, not left behind rotting. Jesus, the first fruits of the resurrection and the prototype for the rest of us, did not leave behind a body to rot, but was transformed, and we will be like him, caught up to meet Him in the air...

At this point I put the book down and did not read it for days. Then, since I was about halfway through, I decided yet again to set aside my objections and go on. It became clear that the clone was, indeed, not a good guy (I'm guessing the Antichrist) but now the story began to drag. There was too much political maneuvering, obvious, New Agey, demon-influenced characters, and an ever increasing list of elements that provoked my 'That's not the way it is/will be!" reflex. Also the story seemed to have become less and less about the characters, and more and more about presenting the author's view of end time events. The gradual revelation that his timeline for those events and the events themselves were not at all according to what I believe the Bible teaches was the straw that broke the camel's back.

There are many things out there to read, and not enough time to read even a small portion of them. At some point you have to make a decision as to whether you will devote any more time to a book you are deriving more moments of annoyance and disagreement from than pleasure. Thus about three quarters of the way through, I gave it up.

People who know me well would not find any of this analysis surprising. I do it with movies, too, though usually they don't have outright Christian principles they are portraying. It's in large degree why I am so picky about what I like. Sometimes that pickiness dismays me. On the other hand, I am what I am by the grace of God, and the same aspect of me that is so picky, is part of what I do when I write my own books. So I guess I'll just have to live with it.

Karen

Blowin' in the Wind

"Your soda is sloshing in the cup. The hanging lamp over the table is swaying like a pendulum. You're beginning to feel a little seasick. Are you in a boat on rough seas? Nope, just on the top floor of a skyscraper on a windy day."

"On very windy days, the building sways...the corner columns creak and groan... and my windowpane flaps and vibrates so alarmingly that I abandon my office." -- Tenant, Sears Tower, Chicago, IL

--From Skyscrapers by Carol A. Johmann

I'd heard about the fact that skyscrapers sway a bit in the wind, but I was... ahem... blown away to read that your soda would slosh in its cup and you might actually feel as if you were at sea. Wow. The book says that skyscrapers are actually designed to sway no more than their height in feet divided by 500. Which means the taller of the two World Trade Center Towers (yes, this book was written before 9-11) could and did sway 3 feet in all directions at the top.

My building in Black Box is not going to be a skyscraper, but it is going to have an atrium and it's going to be unusual, so I needed to know if it was even possible. I think it is, and I'm glad not to have to deal with swaying in the wind -- it's only going to have ten stories. I also learned about how they have to keep water tanks on the tops of very tall skyscrapers for fire fighting, since even the longest firetruck ladders only reach about the tenth floor.

My institute is ten floors but it's out in the middle of nowhere, so it probably needs some water tanks on the upper floors, too. Which has given me an idea for a lake and a garden on the ninth... or maybe eighth floor. That should be fun. I wonder if I do that, does it mean there has to be a flood sometime in the book? ...ooh. When I put it that way, given this story's Noahic underpinnings, I suppose it's almost inevitable. But we'll see...

Have a great weekend,
Karen

The Ig Nobel Awards

My friend Ed Willett's science column this week covers the annual Ig Nobel awards, bestowed each fall by the editors of the Annals of Improbable Research. This year's batch of winners for the oddest topics for research projects/papers includes the one investigating the most common problems sword swallowers encounter while pursuing their ... swallowing. If you've read my Guardian-King books, you know I have a special love of swords, though I've never tried to swallow one -- nor had any desire to. It boggles the mind, though, to think that someone would consider this a worthy topic for research...

You might also find the paper about our unexpected bedfellows (winner of the 2007 Biology Ig Nobel) to be of interest. Or not...

Then there are jet-lagged hamsters, very odd suggestions for military weaponry, and, well, Ed's written about it all much more amusingly than I so I refer you to his article here.

Enjoy
Karen

Skyscrapers, Therapy and a Bird

Well, I ended up just too tired to do a post yesterday. Oh well. Today I worked on making a map for my research institute campus. I also have to decide on how the main building is constructed and do some floor plans. As I was progressing through the chapters I was jumping all over the place (Lacey's room is first in the basement, then on the third floor, then the fourth...) and I realized that if I didn't stop and take care of these details now, it was only going to get worse, probably to the point where no one would be able to find all the inconsistencies before the book went to print.

To that end I went to the library and checked out books on skyscrapers -- mostly I was looking for information about what their basements were like, but as usual I've learned lots of other interesting things that are helping me with the building design in general. I also made a campus map, using the information I've already set down in the book combined with a few borrowed features from an old map of the Biosphere2 property.

Besides that I had another physical therapy session today, during which I was given some silly putty like stuff to take home to squeeze and pinch. Since I'm having less problems with the swelling, we're getting a little more aggressive on the exercises -- bending my wrist down, then up, then rotate right and left -- and he increased my daily sessions from three times a day to five or more.

Finally, I received in an email the following link of a dancing bird. I enjoyed it so much I thought I'd share it. It was posted on another blog (for bird rescue) and is accompanied by music from the Backstreet Boys. Enjoy.

http://birdloversonly.blogspot.com/2007/09/may-i-have-this-dance.html

Karen

What's Enough?

Recently in Bible Class, we had a guest speaker who challenged us to figure out what we wanted in life. He said that for fifty-two years he'd chased after money and success, and it didn't end up at all the way he thought it would. So he challenged us to make a list of what we wanted. What would be enough? But first, he said, know this: "If you decide on some number as the benchmark of success, you will always want more. It won't be enough. No matter what God gives you, it'll never be enough. You must decide what is enough for you. And it won't be a number."

That really spoke to me. I'd already realized that for years I had been looking at success in terms of X + 1 : whatever I had at the moment plus one more. A certain number of books sold would be success, a number I hadn't specified, but which was more than what I'd sold to date. And I'd seen that no matter what the number was, it would never be enough. Once that was reached, then I'd want more...

What about all my books in print? Is that success? Or maybe publishers eager to buy my next book, vigorous pre-release sales and a continuous stream of fan letters? These are all still numbers. And still nebulous at that. No matter what I'd say -- sales as good as So and So's, sales better than they were for my last book -- it would never be enough. Because it's intrinsically based on comparison, and there'd always be someone with more. I've read that authors who are getting million dollar advances get upset because their competition got a tenth of a million more on their contract. It's human nature.

What about getting on the best-seller list? I'm sure that would be fantastically thrilling the first time. But then what? If that's success, I'd want it a second time, and probably for longer than the first. And all the while, there'd always be the knowledge that someday I'd be supplanted. It's inevitable. No one stays number one forever... So...do I want to be #1 for a day? A month? Five years? My lifetime? Is that success? Is that security? No.

Security is easy. It's in the Lord. It's with the Lord. Success? I used to think it was selling a book. Having a contract. Well, all five of my books have been published, and if I had books to sell that no one wanted to buy, then by this definition of success I would feel I wasn't successful. How about awards and reviews? I've gotten four Christy awards. A Publisher's Weekly review. And yet, in my human nature and thinking, I want more reviews, more awards, more letters, more ads, more sales… Because if the first book gets a review, and the second book doesn't, then the second must not be as good as the first. There won't be as much attention paid. Sales will slip off... You failed...

What is enough?

Well, our speaker was right: it's not a number. So I go back to the original question and beyond? What do I really want? What do I think X + 1 of any of it will give me? Human viewpoint says it will give me a sense of worth and approval. But that's a lie. I will never find either on the road to success by numbers. The world promises you the favor of men -- and by that a sense of worth and approval from the accomplishment and approbation -- if you work hard or have talent or "luck," if you follow the rules. And maybe you will for a season. But take away the accomplishment and approbation, and the worth and approval goes with it, proving that none of it was genuine. I want to be confident in my worth and approvedness no matter what people say or do, whether there's success and approbation or whether there's not.

And as I write this, I realize I already have the seed. Instead of yearning for X + 1, concentrating on that, why not concentrate on truth? On what the Bible has to say about me as a believer in Jesus Christ:

I'm already approved by the only one who matters. I have great worth to Him because He gave His uniquely-born son for me. Jesus himself went to the cross willingly. For me. I have been bought with a very high price. Because of it, I have God's own righteousness and have been reborn a new creature. I'm indwelt by the Lord Jesus Christ. I am a royal priest, a royal ambassador for the God of the universe. I have a great and awesome treasure inside of me: His word and mind.

I have peace and contentment. I have an intimate relationship with the Almighty, who cares about me and my happiness more even than I do myself, who loves me as a child and friend, who made me as I am for his glory and pleasure -- to bless me.

Focus on these things and it becomes difficult to care about sales and numbers, especially when you realize you have nothing you did not receive by grace. Focus on these things, and everything else fades to unimportance. It is remembering all of these fantastic things about ourselves as believers in Christ - and living in them - that provides the only true and stable happiness in life.

Success isn't a number, it's a way of thinking. It's knowing "Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death..." It's having Him say, in the end, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant." That's success.

Grace,
Karen

Moving Forward

Today marks two weeks since I've had the cast off. My arm is still an almost constant annoyance -- aching, twinging, being weird -- and not regaining its range of motion nearly as fast as I expected, but it is improving. And my expectations, I realize now, were worthless, based as they were on my total ignorance of this rehabbing process.

But every day I can do a little bit more, and I'm content. One cool thing to come out of all this is that I now have a night time brace for my right hand and a nifty little "smart" glove with ergo beads to keep my right wrist in proper position while typing to prevent the carpal tunnel syndrome from revving up. And of course, I have the speech recognition, as well.

And I'm also making progress on Black Box. Not a lot, but I'm still feeling utterly relaxed about it, knowing that the Lord is going to see it through. I worked in some changes on Chapter 7 today, and have come to the realization that I have GOT to make some maps, so I'll probably be doing that Friday or Saturday, if I have time. I have to go in for another physical therapy session Friday afternoon, plus do my home exercises in the morning, so I can get in two sessions for the day. That's good for eating up about three hours at least...

Anyway, my hands are getting tired of typing here (speech recognition can be quite cranky and stop working for no apparent reason, which it did when I was trying to dictate this post) so I'll say good night and toddle off to ice my arm.

Have a great weekend!
Karen

Human Celebrityship

I thought I had nothing to say about the publicity addiction post, but it turns out I do. I woke up this morning with several things on my mind related to it. The agent's observation that the blog is a way to connect with readers and let them know about your books. A comment by one of the blog readers that she always keeps in mind the "needs of my readers". The tendency for blogs to become popularity contests in the concern for getting comments and cross linkages and conversations so that your blog will end up at the top of some list somewhere.

Here's some of what the Lord's been showing me lately:

"For we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh, although I myself might have confidence even in the flesh. If anyone else has a mind to put confidence in the flesh, I far more: circumcised the eighth day, of the nation of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the Law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness which is in the Law, found blameless. But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in the view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for (because of) whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them dung in order that I might gain Christ…" (Philippians 3:3-8)

The upshot here is that the Apostle Paul is regarding as dung all the qualities of his person, his life and his achievements that might make him a celebrity in human eyes. And the word he uses, skubalon, does indeed refer to animal excrement. Thayer's definition is 1) any refuse, as the excrement of animals, offscourings, rubbish, dregs; 1a) of things worthless and detestable. It's a pretty strong word, and Paul uses it deliberately to communicate the depth of his revulsion for all those things. Things which, says Luke 16:15, many use to justify themselves in the sight of others; things which are highly esteemed among men, but detestable in the sight of God.

That's a hard verse and concept to get one's mind around, especially in our day when the lust for human celebrityship is running rampant -- in the writing field, as much as any other. It's even in the Christian writing field, just more cleverly masked. As people strive to get their names before the public (to establish their brand = to become famous, at least to some degree), to get their books known and out there so that sales will be good (successful in human eyes), they might even say it's not themselves they're trying to promote but God, or the message God has given them. I don't buy that anymore. I think God can promote His own message and bring us along for the ride if that's His will. (And if we have developed the capacity -- or should I say, He's developed that capacity in us, over time through the inculcation and increased application of His word.)

Years ago, my pastor, R.B. Thieme, Jr, had this to say on the subject: "The believer is responsible for the values he establishes in post-salvation experience. You'll either establish those values on the basis of the word of God or on the basis of the arrogance sins, which include inordinate ambition and inordinate competition. When you regard celebrityship (human success, fame, wealth, etc.) as dung, you are fulfilling the plan of God. If you are negative to the spiritual life, you move in your ambitions toward success or celebrityship and you get to the principle of glorification of self: 'Look what I'm doing!'"

I've had that quote in my little booklet of selected notes for years. More than ten, at least. It never meant so much as it did to me this last week, when I came to see its elements at play in my own life more clearly than I ever had before...

Grace,
Karen

Publicity Addiction

Last summer, shortly before I broke my foot, I came across a blog post on publicity addiction. I think I was googling email addiction and publicity addiction came up along with it. I found it fascinating, thought I'd run a post of my own, and include it as a link.

Instead, I'm pretty much just going to link to it. I think a lot of what she has to say is right on, though I'd take her conclusions a step further. This summer the Lord has convicted me that my job is to write my books, to communicate truth through them and through the blog, and leave the publicizing to God. It's not my job. I know I've said this before, but it seems that even though I say it, and believe it, there are still cobwebs of unbelief that must be cleaned out. Little bits of the whole I still cling to, trying to drag out of the fallen city of Jericho and hide in my tent. Or really, in my case, not even hiding them, since I didn't realize what I was taking out. It's easier to recognize some thing you are not supposed to cling to and much harder to see the whole frame of reference that is off.

Anyway, I offer this post from an agent (I'm assuming it's Jessica Faust, cofounder) with the BookEnds, LLC — A Literary Agency blog. It's called An Intervention and it's about, well, publicity addiction. You can find it here.

Enjoy,
Karen

3:10 to Yuma

Last weekend our Friday night movie group went out for dinner and to see the Russell Crowe/Christian Bale western remake 3:10 to Yuma (rated R for lots of violence). Was it good? Not in the cheering, uplifting, makes you feel good for a week after you've seen it kind of good. But it was... fascinating. Russell Crowe and Christian Bale are my two favorite actors and they were mesmerizing, especially Crowe. Together they had tremendous chemistry.

The whole movie was exquisitely cast and put together. The acting was amazing and you just had to keep watching. You never knew what would happen next, and you wanted very much for everything to resolve satisfactorily, though you didn't know how that could be pulled off, and not even what would be satisfactory. For me the ending was like having the rug pulled out from under me. And yet... as time has passed... it was the right ending.

I never know until the next day whether a movie is really good or not. Some turn out to be full of icky things I wish I'd never seen. Some never enter my mind again, to the point I can't even remember seeing them. Not so, 3:10 to Yuma. I couldn't get its images -- particularly scenes of Crowe -- out of my mind, all day Saturday. Scenes I responded positively to, even though he played the villain. But not until I went to bed Saturday night, and a torrent of thoughts and realizations swept through my mind, did I really understand what was going on there.

Right after the movie our group had discussed whether or not the Bale character's uprightness had softened the Crowe character and changed him at the end. We had differing views, and I was more on the side that he'd been changed. In that moment Saturday night I saw that I was wrong. Ben Wade, the train robber and killer played by Russell Crowe, was not only a sociopath, but a type of Satan. Or even the cosmic system personified.

He was attractive, likeable, intelligent, knowledgable, artistic, charming, competent, gentle and generous at times... And turned into a vicious, cold blooded, extremely efficient killer in the blink of an eye. More than that, he had no conscience. He took what he wanted and did what he wanted without regard for anyone else, and no one could stop him.What was fascinating to me was not just that all the characters in the movie were to one degree or another pulled under his spell, but that I was, too.

Only afterward did I see how much I had liked Ben Wade -- against all sense -- and therefore wanted him to be reformed. I wanted to believe he did indeed have some good in him that would eventually come out and everything work out right and good...somehow. Even though I knew very well the horrible things he'd done. Even though logic said, "These things cannot be ignored. For justice to be served he has to die..." Incredibly, my emotion obscured the logic, and my attraction to him caused me to overlook and minimize his crimes. To make them somehow justified.

After all, the first guy he killed was a traitor. And the guy he killed with the fork was extremely obnoxious... and had done his share of lawless deeds, as well. And the next one... ah, but the details aren't important here. What fascinated me was how I could be made to like something about the character so much that I would overlook obvious, even heinous elements of who he was and project positive elements of my own values upon him. In short the power of his charisma caused me to deceive myself, and turn him into something he wasn't.

Wow.

And that is only one of many elements woven together throughout this picture. I love the complexity and the layers and the way so many things were interwoven. Christian Bale's character was another gold mine of reflection and discussion.

This movie provides a great illustration of how we allow ourselves to be deceived in life; of how Satan and his Cosmic system minions operate, offering things that don't deliver what they seem to promise and leave us used up and discarded...

So was it good? I'd say it was. But definitely not for the kiddos.

Grace,
Karen

Grace Missings

Periodically I encounter friends and acquaintances -- believers -- who exclaim about how much God is blessing them. "All these wonderful things that I have have come from God," they say. "All these contracts, all these clients, all this success and materialism -- all from God. I know it is Him and nothing I did." I hear it often, and the other day it occurred to me that while those statements are true (everything anyone has ultimately comes from God), the real test of whether a person believes them or not comes not during prosperity, but in adversity.

When all those grace blessings are missing. When there are no contracts, when there are no readers, when rejection has come again and again, what does the person think then? Is there self-condemnation? Does the person flail himself for not having written better? For not having worked harder? For lacking talent? For having made bad decisions? Does she think it's something about her and her performance and her works that has produced this lack in her life?

But wait. I thought everything came from God, as a grace gift, and nothing depended on the recipient. In situations I've observed, including my own life, the implication in the good times is that none of the blessings are deserved. Why then in the bad times do we presume to think that it's our failure that's caused the lack? It's not. Or at least it's not when it comes to our worldly performance. (okay, yes, there are some times when failure is plainly due to lack of preparation or unrealistic expectation. For example, the midget who has never played basketball and fails to be drafted by the NBA. That's not what I'm talking about.)

Instead we should look to our spiritual lives. Are we going forward in God's plan for our lives, renewing our minds by learning God's truths from our pastor-teacher on a daily basis, rebounding regularly, and trying to live in what we learn as much as possible? If not, some adjustments need to be made. If so, then you can count on the fact the lack of particular blessing has nothing to do with your performance in the world, and everything to do with God's wisdom and timing. Grace missings, that's what I call them.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be provided for you."

Grace,
Karen

ARIZONA

A friend from the San Francisco area sent me this link to a fantastic slideshow set to a song by Rex Allen, Jr. about Arizona. Since we're soon to have our annual Arizona Bible Conference, it's been making the rounds, but I wanted to share it with those of you who haven't seen it yet. I have been viewing/listening to it at least once a day, and then I can't get the song out of my mind! Since I've been to nearly every place pictured, it stirs old memories and reminds me of how much I love where I live!

http://objflicks.com/arizona.htm
(make sure you have your volume on)

Enjoy!
Karen

Therapy

I went for my second therapy session yesterday. My physical therapist (Jeff) first had me put my arm in a tank of melted paraffin. That was pretty cool -- er -- hot, actually. But when I pulled my arm out and had a wax hand, that was cool. Then he wrapped it in plastic wrap, then some kind of quilted thingie that had been heating in a steam bath and finally a blanket. Then I sat there for a bit and let it all sink in. That was the good part.

After everything was nice and warm, he took it all off, including the paraffin, and started cranking on my arm. The two places with the most limited range of movement are bending my hand back from the wrist, and trying to turn it over, palm up with elbow locked at the waist. Even with lots of work and pressure, the muscles/tendons hardly gave at all in either area. Progress is minimal. And of course my wrist, which doesn't care for such abuse, tends to swell and ache in reaction afterward. I do have a brace, but Jeff recommended I use it as little as possible.

At the moment, my most regular use of it is in the middle of the night, when I wake up to a throbbing wrist and grope around in the dark for the brace. Putting it on brings swift relief and I fall back to sleep until morning, when I take it off again.

The whole process has made me think of things spiritual and how much time, teaching and pressure it takes to transform us. How so often in our lives we see no progress at all, even as we know that God is at work in us. Staring at my stubborn wrist, especially when I'm trying to pull it around palm up, and seeing such resistance, seeing maybe a hair's breadth worth of movement, is a great visual aid to compare with things invisible.

And what of Black Box?, some ask. It's coming along slowly (I finished going through chapter 3 and making changes today), but I am not in the least alarmed. I just feel very calm, very placid, very much at peace about it all. It will get done in the right time. And I am no longer interested in stressing out about it.

So many things have happened lately in my life that have shown me that God really is in control of every little detail, I can hardly think otherwise. Relax, He has been telling me, and let life come to you. I have everything under control. The only thing you need to fear is not entering into the rest I've designed for you to live in. I've really seen it as a choice, and more than that. I've come to the realization that nothing the world has to offer is worth giving up this peace. Yeah, maybe I'll be so relaxed that I won't get the book out "in time" (whatever that is) and lose readers. But you know what? I no longer care. I'd rather have the peace.

Grace,
Karen
PS. The picture is of one huge, 4-parted kite that we saw on our beach walk in Oregon. It was cool, and reminds me of resting and relaxing... so I put it up. The biggest one on the bottom spun in the wind

Grace Bible Church

Today I want to direct your attention to a fantastic source of information on the Word of God. Grace Bible Church has just redesigned its website, making the material easier to receive than ever. You can listen to messages live as they are being taught, stream recorded messages, both as audio with powerpoint messages and as videos, or download them to your computer or mp3 player to listen later. There are mp3 messages on CD you can order, and even cassette tape. If you prefer the written word, there are selected doctrines to download in a pdf format, as well some of GBC's booklet publications.

There's also a search function. If you have a subject you want to study or research, you can type that into the search box and come up with all the places where your subject is mentioned -- it might be an entire lesson or series of lessons to listen to/view, or a printable doctrine, a publication... It's a goldmine of information. There's even an online Bible.

Best of all, in accordance with GBC's objectives of making the teaching of God's word available to whoever is interested on a grace basis -- it's all offered free of charge. All you have to do is go there, click on what interests you and listen. No signing up, no logging on, no one contacting you.

You can find the site at http://www.gbible.org/.

Have fun!

Karen

More on those Unstressed Ancestors!

Ooo! A friend emailed regarding my Unstressed Ancestors post and brought up the example of baking bread. A weekly task for our utterly at ease ancestors. For those of you who've ever tried baking bread, you know how hard kneading it is. Especially if you're making more than one loaf. And it just goes on and on and finally you just give up because your arms have become limp, shaking, noodles hanging off your shoulders.

Or what about beating rugs? Or doing the laundry by stirring it in a pot over an open fire for days like my stepmother used to do? And these are not even that far back of ancestors. They cooked on wood burning stoves with all that dangerous fire and lit their homes with candles or kerosene/oil lamps.

Ah, but one thing they did not have was a barrage of voices over TV, radio, Internet, email, magazines, newspapers, etc pouring into their lives, warning them about the dangers of candles. No nightly videos of how the Christmas tree went up in a flash flame and took the house and family with it. There were no special safety classes on how to stir the laundry without falling into the fire or scalding yourself on the boiling lye-filled water, nor detailed stories complete with gory video of those poor unfortunates who did fall. Of course today, such activities would probably be banned as far too unsafe. Already in many places it's illegal to have an open fire in your yard.

So maybe we really do have more stress, being inundated with warnings and disaster stories...

...and articles detailing how stressed out we are... :-)

Karen

Wasted Service

"No service offered to God is ever wasted."

I first encountered this saying in Elisabeth Elliot's Keep a Quiet Heart years ago. Not only did I think it a good saying, but I often claimed it when I was down in the dumps about the lack of success I'd had in writing. I think I even quoted it once in an interview.

Lately God's been convicting me that it's not true. For the most blatant example, take Cain, who offered the fruit of his labors to God in all sincerity and, I'm sure, complete confidence that God would be as pleased as Cain was by all his hard work (much more than Abel had put out). We know that because the Bible tells us how mad Cain got when God didn't accept what he'd offered.

But we also know that God is fair. He had to have provided instruction for the kind of offering He wanted before the fact, which is why He rebuked Cain for his anger afterward. In fact we know that Adam had already been shown the need for a blood sacrifice, since an animal had to die to provide skins for himself and his wife to cover their nakedness in the Garden after the Fall.

It's hard to imagine Cain did not hear the instruction, whether it was given by God directly or by his father Adam. But hearing doesn't always mean receiving. Who knows what he was thinking when he "heard." Perhaps he wasn't really listening, or didn't think it mattered. Perhaps zeal (arrogance? competition with Abel?) prompted him to want to do even more than what God asked. In fact it must've seemed to Cain completely unacceptable to have to go to his younger brother to get the lamb for sacrifice. Then he would have had to do nothing, since Abel had done all the work of keeping the sheep. How much better, his human mind must have reasoned, to give of his own labor. Surely that would be ever so much more meaningful to God -- all Cain's blood, sweat, tears and effort through the months of tending his crops. Now there was a sacrifice! A real giving of himself.

Unfortunately God wanted nothing to do with it. Thus all of Cain's service, though offered sincerely, was wasted effort.

As with his, so can our efforts be wasted if our good deeds are done in the power of the flesh rather than the Spirit. (I Cor 3:12-15) And anything done in violation of God's word (instructions) cannot possibly be done in the power of the Spirit. Which is why it's so important that we know exactly what the Scripture teaches about what God wants of us in terms of service, rather than depending on our feelings or traditions or the opinions of others.

Grace,
Karen

It's Gone!

The cast is off! My arm is skinny, wrinkled, the skin feels hypersensitive, I have three dimpled scars from the pins and VERY limited mobility. Dr. Meaney gave me a prescription for a wrist brace and a referral to a physical therapist. I got the brace, went home, called the therapy place, and it turned out they had an opening in 2 hours. So I took it, and 3 hours later I completed my first session. I have a long way to go in regaining my range of motion.

Typing is ironically pretty easy for it; it's my right hand that's having trouble now, seeing as I overdid yesterday with trying to wash all the coats in the coat closet combined with working too much on the computer. I'm going to have to get that headset I think, because the computer has too much trouble understanding what I dictate through the desk microphone. And since the carpal tunnel in my right wrist seems to be an ongoing problem it looks like I'm going to have to get serious about this speech recognition program.

My assignment for now is is a quartet of exercises I'm to do three times a day until my next appointment with the therapist. There's also a period of warming the arm before the exercises and then icing it afterward. Which means the whole operation is probably going to take up a good bit of time. Oh well, I'm getting used to that by now.

Mostly I'm just thrilled to have the cast off.

Grace,
Karen

Our Unstressed Ancestors

Recently I read one of those ubiquitous articles about how to deal with stress. Along the way the author made this statement: "Unlike our ancestors, we live with constant stress. Instead of occasional, acute demands followed by rest, we’re constantly over-worked, under-nourished, exposed to environmental toxins, worrying about others — with no let-up."

I'd guess most people read this sort of thing like I always have before, identifying with the common stressors and nodding my head. Yup. Our modern day lives are so much more stressful than those of our ancestors...

Oh, really? Is that why we are living longer than at any time except the days of Moses, Abraham and Noah?

Stress our ancestors didn't have? Are we talking those cavemen, hunter gatherer types the evolutionists always reference? For the sake of argument, let's say we are. They lived in the wild. They had to worry about injury, about animals eating them or their children at any moment, about finding enough food and water. Storms, floods, snakes, predators, no insurance...no doctors. Heat, cold, disease with no vaccinations and no antibiotics. They worked constantly just to eat, and keep themselves clothed and sheltered. Former childhood ailments like whooping cough are nearly extinct in our day, yet killed many in years past. Death in childbirth was at 30% for the mothers back in the 1700s, let alone in the caveman days. And even in the 1700s, children often didn't live past three.

And this was less stressful than our lives... how?

Frankly I think we have it pretty easy. Most modern day stress is really the result of a way of thinking, not a saber-tooth tiger who just started feeding on our village....

Karen

(Hmmm. Was that a rant? Maybe not a full-fledged rant. Maybe only a mini-rant. But still, I think it might have been.)

New Review & BHP tips

A new and nifty review of Return of the Guardian King is up at Christian Activities.com. You can find that here. What a nice present to start out the fall.

Also, every other month or so Bethany House sends me an envelope with advertising and publicity material produced for my titles. This is not usually a very thick envelope, alas and in the cover letter they always include some marketing tips for the month. I don't think the marketing tips are included specifically because there isn't a lot of stuff in the envelope, but I could be wrong. :-)

This month's tips concern reader reviews at Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com and christianbook.com. "If a reader lets you know that they enjoyed your book," says the BHP letter, "ask them to consider submitting a short review at one of the sites. As a first priority, encourage them to post at Amazon since it has become the top site for book-buying research, but it's very helpful at the other sites as well."

Bethany House has also developed a page on their website which they intend to continually update with simple ways readers/friends can help promote books they particularly like. If you're interested in seeing what they've come up with, click here.


With Tuesday being day 2 on my countdown to cast removal, my wait is now almost over. Only one day left. Hooray! I know the bones have healed to a large degree because there is so much more I can do now that I couldn't do only a few weeks ago. I have more strength in my fingers and the most pain I have seems to come from pressure spots inside the cast where my hand bumps it when I try to do things. (Like type, for example -- which I'm doing now.)

I also made some decent progress on Black Box, which surprised me. And I'm staying with the relaxed mental attitude about it all! Yay!

Grace,
Karen

Tyranny of the Small

This morning I woke up with an addendum to what I wrote yesterday.

It's not that we're to do nothing. It's that it doesn't matter whether God puts us in a situation where we can do nothing or whether He gives us things to do. Our attitude of rest and calm and relaxation should be the same, regardless. God's plan doesn't depend on us doing things. Yet in the process of carrying out the tasks He does give us, we can slide into thinking that it does. We forget that it's His work that matters and begin to think way too highly of ourselves. We get caught up in the "importance" of what we're doing, even start to assign ourselves tasks He doesn't mean us to do at all.

The world barrages us with things to do and in that barrage we get swept up in the tyranny of the small, carried along from one task to the next to the next, with 20 more "shoulds" and "have-to's" and "want-to's" waiting in the wings. All those little tasks fill our thoughts and become our masters, while a subtle tension builds as we scurry to obey them. And peace flies out the window.

So today (Day 3 in my countdown to cast removal), as I started getting back on track with writing and housework (both long-neglected), I've tried to keep all this in mind. To stay relaxed, to stay focused on Him and not let everything get so blasted important. I've actually been typing with both hands until my cast gets too uncomfortable, whereupon I switch to the speech recognition feature. It's working well, though it seems to me I can type a lot faster than I can use the speech thing.

As for the content of the book... I spent today analyzing the cobbled scene I dictacted on Friday, and slowly getting back into the flow of ideas. As I've mentioned, I spent my time off doing lots of research, and I'm feeling good about the things I've learned and the ideas they've given me. I've also gotten to the point where I can see what needs to be changed and how that's going to head the plotline off in a stronger direction.

Grace,
Karen

Resting

We used to keep homing pigeons, and though we got rid of all of our birds years ago, there are still pigeons who come and hang out near the water tub in our back yard. Sometimes they settle into the grass and just rest in the sun.


The picture above is evocative of my life this summer, though even last spring there were already glimmers of the thought changes to come showing up in Bible class and in my journals. It was sometime in April when I was reading about Noah and contemplating the unlimited atonement of Jesus' work on the Cross. Both pointed to the fact that part of the process of being conformed to the image of Christ is that we learn, and are transformed into being able to do things with full effort without regard for the outcome. Without the need for the world's or people's positive feedback, or any feedback. Without the expectation of it, in fact.

Noah preached for 120 years and had no converts. He made no discernible difference in his world, and yet he was glorifying God in a magnificent way, demonstrating the patience and grace of God with every word and with every new year that passed with those people who cared nothing about what he said continuing to live and pursue their wickedness. Jesus hung on the cross for six hours, swathed in darkness for three of them while he bore, willingly, the sins of all the people who have ever lived and ever will, so they might not perish but come to change their minds about Him.

The vast majority did not and will not change their minds, and as we've learned lately from a study of the divine decrees, He knew in eternity past they would not, yet decided to die for them anyway. "Anyway" is the wrong word. Because dying for those who would refuse to respond is part of the point. Yes, His work was to to save those who would believe in Him, but the fact that He provided the same work, the same opportunity to those who would not, speaks of the importance of the free will of men -- our capacity to choose -- and God's incredible graciousness toward us. The only reason any creature ever ends up in hell is by his own choice, not by any lack of desire or provision on God's part.

God has run these truths through my thoughts, through Bible class, and through my life for the past five and a half months. This time of quietness, when I've been able to do so little, has drawn my attention to a long held-motivation I've come to see as wrong: the motivation to produce and to accomplish for the sake of what that gives me. This too, I've written about before, but the glimpses are getting clearer, and the conviction of its wrongness greater.

There is the satisfaction of feeling good about myself because of what I have done -- when I am in reality but an unworthy slave who has done only what is required of her. This is the arrogance of achievement, when there is no achievement we can really do that the Lord does not provide or enable.

On the flip side, there is the guilt that comes in when my accomplishment doesn't meet my goals, the subtle impatience that simmers behind the scenes as I try to get each thing done only so I can go on to the next, the frustration and sense of loss and even purposeless when the accomplishments seem to have no effect on anything -- or at least not the effect I'd hoped. Arrogance, guilt, impatience, frustration -- those are all sins.

And a sense of purposeless is unfounded and flies in the face of what the Word of God teaches. For we were created with great purpose: to bring glory and pleasure to God. Not by our actions, or our striving, but in receiving with joy all that He wants to give to us. All that He has already given us. To relax and let life come to us, knowing He has all under control. To think His thoughts, rather than human/worldly thoughts. To confess our sins (rebound!) . To recall we've been bought with a price and that we are even now perfect in His eyes and that our experiential sanctification is something He does, not something we have to strive after...

It's more, even, than that, though. It's a paradigm shift in my thinking, not happening all at once, but day by day, and it's hard to articulate. Even with all the words I've set down here, I feel as if I've not yet come to the core of it. And probably won't for a time. All I know is, I'm finding a greater peace than I ever have before. Things I used to care about, I don't any more. He's got it all under control. Whatever He has planned, He is doing, not me. Like the pigeons, my soul can settle into the grass and rest in the sun, confident that whatever lies ahead He has already thoroughly provided for it. It's His plan, all the way. Not mine.

Grace,
Karen

Speech Recognition

Well a number of people have told me I should try using speech recognition and since I have a program already on my computer, I thought I'd give it a try. It comes automatically with Vista so I didn't have to buy it or install it, all I had to do was go through the tutorial to learn how to use it. I'm using it now. It makes me talk more slowly than I'd like to, so I'm not sure how well it will work for writing fiction, but I'm going to give it a try.

When I first started I was so excited I started laughing and the computer didn't know what I was saying. There's a little box at the top telling me it's listening and if it doesn't understand it asks me "What was that?" So while I'm laughing, it's asking me that and meanwhile typing "up up up up up up" and something about "losing she got offer but up up up up up up up up up up up up up". Which only made me laugh more. At least if I get totally lost I can just use the mouse, but I think this is really going to help take the load off my hands.

Already I've written an e-mail and this blog post and plan to try some more e-mails and maybe even Chapter Nine tonight. What I really should try is a nonstop but I fear I would talk way too fast and mumble way too much to produce anything coherent.

Next is to see if I can get this inserted into the Blogger program (just now when I said Blogger, the computer thought I wanted to "save water"). I guess you'll have found out by the time you read this if I succeeded.

Grace,
Karen

Finally Back

Last post I said I'd be back on Tuesday, but as it turned out I was too travel-tired to make myself write anything. One of the reasons I added another week to my hiatus from blogging is because I was in Salem, Oregon for their annual Oregon Bible Conference over the weekend. We had fantastic weather, fantastic and challenging lessons, wonderful, rich conversations and a lot of conviction about showing God's mercy to others, specifically in the realm of communicating the Gospel or important information regarding the spiritual life, even though the likelihood of being rejected is great.

A group of us also went to the coast again (see photo) but this time it wasn't foggy. Cold when you were walking into the wind, yes, but not when it was at your back. I had a great time.

The friend I traveled/roomed with and I approached the entire adventure without our usual in-detail planning, and didn't even rent a car. Instead we relied on God to work out all the details, and boy, did He. It was awesome to see the provisions unfold, day by day, moment by moment. And seeing as our lessons have been on the divine decrees of late, it's been tremendously stimulating to be able to apply those concepts to our lives.

Also, while in Oregon, my broken arm and carpal tunnel hand had a chance to rest since I didn't have to deal with the usual chores and such. Even better, the cold dry air worked wonders for relieving the discomfort, though that returned as soon as I stepped back into the hot, humid air of Tucson. Thankfully, the humidity is falling rapidly, so that, too, may soon be a thing of the past. Plus, I've only one week left of wearing this cast. I can't wait to get it off!

The really funny thing? I've never been to a conference where anyone had a cast. And this time there were two of us with them. So we got to compare casting technique and injury stories. His was much more interesting than mine...

Grace,
Karen

An Update

Well, last Thursday, I saw my orthopedic surgeon and he took out the nails. (Really, "pins" is a euphemism. They were 3-4 inches long and about a thick in diameter as framing nails.) He used a pair of pliers to get them out and had to tug pretty hard to do it. It hurt and felt weird but wasn't all that bad, and I much prefer having them gone.

He also made it clear that the break is very bad and I "did a lot of damage" which was evident this time from the x-rays. I'm going to be in physical therapy for months. And the swelling and need to elevate my arm is not going to end until I get the new cast off in 3 weeks.

The carpal tunnel problems in my right hand that I mentioned last post, continued through this last week and have not really abated even today. I've been reduced to reading, praying, watching movies or just sitting and staring out the window. It's been strange to be so... unproductive, though I've been at peace about it. It's obvious this is where God wants me for a time, so this is where I want to be. I know He's working, just not exactly clear on what.

Not wanting to push the typing/carpal tunnel problems, I'm going to take another week off from the blog. Check back next Tuesday for my next entry.

Grace,
Karen

Carpal Tunnel

The broken arm is mending. I'm not having so much trouble with the swelling as I was, though if I overdo, the cast still gets really tight, my fingers swell and my arm starts hurting. Then I have to lie down and elevate it. Still I was enjoying longer and longer times of doing chores and on Saturday, I even got back to writing.

Sunday, though, I awoke with carpal tunnel in my right hand -- pain and intermittent numbness from having to do the work of two hands combined with too much writing longhand and working with the mouse on Saturday. There'd been glimmers of this in the last week with bouts of the tingling and numbness in my thimb & forefinger, but I ignored it.

The end result: once again I have to scale back and do nothing "productive."

I'm learning patience, acceptance of God's timing and how to trust Him completely for this time and the book I'm unable to work on. I've also got an opportunity to focus on the blessings I'm still receiving, rather than the disappointments anf frustrations and enjoy my life -- even these slow and seemingly "wasted" days.

Because of the carpal tunnel though, I'm going to try to stay away from the computer, so I'll be taking a break from the blog this week. Check back next Tuesday (the day after Labor day) for my next post and a progress report. (Eventually, at least, I should have quite a run of movie and book reviews!)

Grace and peace,
Karen

CE and BCE

In researching the Maya today, I discovered that BC and AD are no longer the terms of choice for historical reckoning. Instead we have... CE. That stands for Common Era or Current Era or (if you really must) Christian Era. Years previous to that time are said to be BCE -- Before Common Era. I had to look it up. Wikipedia says...

"The term "Common Era" is preferred by some as an alternative to the overtly Christian "AD" and "BC," since "Common Era" does not use religious titles for Jesus such as "Christ" and "Lord," which are used in the BC-AD notation. Andrew Herrmann, writing in the Chicago Sun-Times, observes, "The changes — showing up at museums, in academic circles and in school textbooks — have been touted as more sensitive to people of faiths outside of Christianity."

After 2000 years of reckoning our years based on the life of Christ that is now coming to an end. Yet another indication that we are in the end times. Which seems weirdly apprpriate since once the rapture comes, it isn't going to be the "Christian era" any longer. The kingdom of darkness seems to be getting a head start on that now.

Karen

Two-Handed Typing

Well I've come to the conclusion that whatever I do, it's not going to change the rate of my arm's healing. Whether I lie around all day or do things, it's going to hurt off and on, it's going to swell up or not, it's going to heal at its own pace and I must be content with that. And I am. In fact, it's a relief to realize I don't have to worry about that.

This weekend I finished Dean Koontz's Odd Thomas, and watched The Illusionist, for the second time -- I liked it better than the first time. All of this is feeding into research for Black Box.

And how cool is this? I just typed all that with 2 hands!

I can tell though that I won't be doing it for long, because I'm feeling growing pain in my wrist as I do it, but still. Two handed typing! Even if only for a few lines. Hooray!

Karen

New Cast

Tuesday was a great day -- the swelling down, almost no pain. I got a lot done. Wednesday I paid for that. The swelling returned full force, and with it the pain. I could do nothing but lie around and ice my arm. I guess that is a common scenario. Today I saw the doctor and he removed the splint and replaced it with a light blue cast. It's great.

I saw the x-rays and things are coming along as they should be. I have three pins and they each looked about 4 inches long driven into the bone lengthwise. Now I know why I kept having pin pains in more than one place.

My fingers are still hampered by the swelling (they won't bend enough to type) and it is too painful to rotate my arm enough to get them lined up with the keyboard so I'll be doing the 1-handed method for awhile yet. And now it's time to go ice my arm.

Grace,
Karen

Healing

Another day of healing. Another day to find some new small thing I can do because the pain is less and the bones are stronger. There are still plenty of things I can't do, but I'm really starting to get the importance of focusing on the positive and forgetting about the negative.

For example... yesterday I was starting to get restless with how much I was having to lie around and do nothing -- even reading was difficult since the books I wanted to read are too big to handle one-handed while lying flat on one's back with an arm & pillow on one's chest. Then I remembered: lying around and letting my mind wander is exactly what I need to do to work on the book! And I won't get carpal tunnel doing it.

So today I welcomed the time to lie still and watch my penguin mobile and the mental blankness began to give way to small thoughts, ideas and snatches of dialog as more and more things came together. I'm almost ready to start rewriting Chapter 9, I think.

Also, I noticed overall today a dramatic decrease in the swelling of my arm and the attendant pain and discomfort that comes with it, which removed a lot of distraction.

Grace,
Karen

Sleeping

What with the pain, the awkward sleeping positions I must assume, and the pain meds I was taking last week -- which gave me strange dreams -- I've had opportunity to reflect on the similarity between being asleep and being out of fellowship/God's plan. Since the Bible talks about people in spiritual or temporal death as being asleep, this is not an unreasonable line of thought.

When we fall asleep we are no longer aware of reality. Instead we have dreams about a highly subjective set of circumstances and events -- things drawn from our own heads -- memories, desires, frustrations, concerns, etc. They make sense in the dream and might even seem very important... but when we wake up, we realize they made no sense at all and those things that seemed so important are trivial. In the dream, we've been completely cut off from reality, shut up in a reality of our own making.

Not only that, we awake to find that hours have passed in the real world! We've "lost" time.

In the same way, when we are out of fellowship, or the plan of God, we are all caught up in our own petty concerns, the illusions of the world, and the influence of other people who have sin natures and faulty thinking. God's word seems flat and irrelevant, and the Lord some dusty historical figure who has little connection to our lives.We've fallen asleep. We're no longer connected to the ultimate reality of the spiritual life. We need to wake up.

We need to ... rebound! :-)

Karen

Recovering

The biggest problem with typing isn't so much that I have to do it one-handed, it's that I have to keep the other hand elevated above my heart while I do it. Dropping below that level causes pain, swelling and throbbing. However, the pain is decreasing significantly these days -- I stopped taking pain meds (except for the occasional Tylenol) yesterday. In fact I stopped with the Percoset last Wednesday because it turns out I'm allergic to it.

In the effort to speed healing and reduce pain, I've been trying to lie around a lot, the easiest position in which to keep my injured wrist above my heart. If you're not on pain meds that keep you loopy, however, this gets old fast -- until I realized I could use the time to... READ!

Last week I finished Michael Crichton's State of Fear, and this week I'm almost finished with John Olson's Adrenaline, both read as forms of research for Black Box... I've also spent a lot of time on the phone and two friends on different days, independent of each other, dropped in around lunchtime with my favorite lunches. So it's been nice. We've also gone out to eat a lot, nor can I really do laundry or clean. A forced vacation, an assignment from the Lord, which I intend to fully enjoy.

Karen

Surgery

Tuesday I went to the hospital to have my arm bones put back together. I would never have thought it would be fun to have surgery, but it was. The Lord was with me all the way.

Sometime after my husband and I arrived at 11:45am, after paperwork and bloodwork, I was brought back to a bed and given a gown to put on, whose ties I couldn't tie one-handed... I waited a long time there and then my friend Verna showed up. Since she is also a nurse who works in that very hospital, it was like having my own personal guide to surgery. She could explain what all was going on, go check the schedules to see when I was slated and she even went and got Stu from the waiting room so we could all visit together.

The other nurses were fun, too and no one much liked my falling off the walking path story, so we worked on coming up with a new one. Something along the lines of swimming off the coast of San Diego and encountering a shark... Verna was even able to come into the pre-op waiting area (and she told me my anesthesiologist was excellent, which is always nice to know.) After that the anesthesiologist put a mask over my face and I woke up to pain in my arm and then painkillers. The rest of the evening was spent in loopy land where I was more or less asleep. But still, for the most part, it was a fun day.

There was another thing, too, a funny, little thing the Lord did between Him and me. The day before I'd been working with my pencils and markers and thinking how it would be nice if I could get a second box to divide them up, markers in one box, pencils in the other. Just a passing thought. Then at the hospital, I realized I'd forgotten my glasses case and the nurse said they had a case, one I could keep, in fact -- it was a pencil and marker box with a wash cloth in it! I just laughed and no one there knew what had just happened but me and the Lord.

Tomorrow (or the day after, or... whenever I manage to get it typed...), the recovery...

Karen

Distraction for August

Well, the distraction for August arrived promptly. Last Wednesday night, August 1, Stu and I were walking around the park at a good clip, and were almost done when I accidentally stepped on the edge of the asphalt path, which is about four or five inches higher than the surrounding hard-packed dirt. It threw me off-balance, I took a big lunge to recover, then another, and another, trying desperately to regain my balance. Alas, I failed and went down hard, all of my weight falling on my outstretched left hand. My arm/wrist broke on impact (along with my watchband) -- both bones, one of them in two places. Surgery is scheduled, so a pin can be put in. Which means I’ve another 6 – 8 weeks of dealing with broken bones.

This is considerably worse than the fibula, both in terms of pain and in terms of being disabled: I don't type very fast one-handed. But I know without a doubt that this is a part of God’s plan for my life, chosen deliberately for me in eternity past for my highest and best. He will provide all I need to go through this. I have already learned much about severe pain, for one thing, and am learning even more about waiting…this will no doubt show up in a book!

And since I finished ch 8 the morning before the accident, I was just about to start contemplating what I have to do in ch 9. Looks like I'll have lots of time to do that, now…

Grace,
Karen

What about Yielding?

So, I started this little series because the recent power outages caused me to remember how at the beginning of my Christian life I'd wanted to know how to yield. I knew yielding was basically giving my life over to God and letting Him run it. The question was how did I do that? A lot of people think that if they just want it to happen and "will" it to happen then it happens. One person told me he believes that if he wants the Spirit to control him, then the Spirit will.

The Bible says something else, and concentrated study can break it down into two simple means of application. We have to be filled with the Spirit and we have to learn and apply the word of God.

To walk (live our lives) by means of the Spirit (or filled/controlled by Him) is a command and it starts the ball rolling. When a person believes in Jesus as Savior, he is immediately filled with the Spirit (as well as indwelt). But soon after he loses the filling (by sinning) so, since the Spirit is required for understanding anything about the Word of God, it's important to learn how to reacquire the filling. Confession of sin, as per I Jn 1:9 or judging ourselves as in I Cor 11:31, is the way to do that.

Once filled with the Spirit, we learn the word of God to have our thinking transformed, and in that way we not only learn what sin is so we can know what to name, we also learn who God is and what His will for our lives is. Knowing that, we can begin to avoid more and more often both grieving and quenching the Spirit. That's yielding. And we don't have to burn any papers to do it.

In His Grace,
Karen

Rebound

The word that Pastor Thieme coined to describe the process of regaining fellowship is "rebound," because it's a quick word that not only encapsulates the entire process but provides a nice visual as well: when you get out of fellowship, you've fallen on your face spiritually speaking, and are basically lying there on the ground during all the time you spend in the power of your flesh. But with God's grace provision in place you can quickly bounce back up and get going again -- you just 'rebound.'

The word for confess in I Jn 1:9 is "homologeo" which means to name or to cite a court case (that would be the indictment of the justice of God against mankind as sinners, and the penalty of spiritual death, which Jesus paid on the cross in our stead). To do so you just admit that you did the sin. You name it. You acknowledge it. It's a sin. Jesus paid for it.

And you're filled with the Spirit again. Simple.

The reason I like "rebound" better than "confess" is because confess seems to imply feeling sorry, or bad about the sin, or doing some sort of penance to make up for it. If that were needed, then Jesus's work would not have been enough. But it was. We don't have to do any penance. Penance or feeling sorry isn't grace.

You don't have to make a big production out of it. You just name the sin. (You certainly don't have to promise you'll never do it again, because odds are you will, and now you have lying and thinking more highly of yourself than you ought to, to add to your list of sins to confess). It's incredibly simple for us, though it wasn't at all for Jesus. Every sin we name He already bore, and all the one's we're going to name as well. He did all the work. We receive the blessing. That's what grace is all about.

Karen