Reflections on the Coma -- 2

One of the problems with accepting the idleness that Dorothea Brande claims is so essential to creativity is that "long periods of rambling leisure" do not jibe very well with our achievement-oriented society. Nor even with some elements of Christianity. As Christians, we're not to be slothful, after all. We don't want to be that door turning on its hinges in the bed! Or that lazy, wimpy person who won't leave his house because "a lion may be in the street!" We need to be up early seeing to the ways of our households, doing heartily whatever our hands find to do... not sitting around staring out the window.

And yet...being busy and industrious can as easily be a product of the flesh as of the Spirit. I didn't believe in Jesus until I was 21 and for all the years before that I was an achiever. I worked hard, I was conscientious, I was responsible, I did the work. I was driven to do the work. Good performance was essential to how I saw myself as a person. Bad performance meant I was bad. A failure. No good. When I got saved, those viewpoints and motivations did not go away. In fact, I believe that achiever stuff is part of my personality to this day, part of the strengths of my flesh. My flesh feels good when I achieve and perform well. It still wants me to do that. But maybe God doesn't so much.

Because we are also told, "It is vain for you to rise up early and sit up late to eat the bread of painful labors. For the Lord gives to His beloved even in his sleep." Sometimes we are told to stand still, sit down, shut up and watch the Lord fight for us. To be still, and know that He is God, that He is good to those who wait for Him. The achiever part of me is not wild about waiting.

Nevertheless the Christian life, I believe, is about experiencing and receiving grace. Over and over God tells us what He has done for us -- everything -- and how much more He wants to do for us. Yet, too often I think we get caught up in doing things for Him, when that's not what He wants at all.

For one thing, He doesn't need us to do anything. He is perfectly and totally self-sufficient. He doesn't need us, He doesn't need the angels, He has always been totally and completely and perfectly happy. He remains happy, with us or without us. His plan will go on whether we conform to it or not.

He doesn't want us to do for Him, He wants us to know Him, and to have His mind in us, to think like He does. He wants us to believe He is who He says He is and live like we do. He wants us to allow Him to conform us so that we will be like Him and in that have the capacity to receive and enjoy all the things He wants to do for us. And some of those things include the times when He gives us the privilege of being used by Him to further His plan and purpose on Earth. But that's not the same as us doing things for Him.

My pastor puts it this way:

Achievement belongs to God; blessing belongs to the Believer...

All that to say we don't always have to be doing something, building something, seeing measurable progress. We have to be obedient, but it's a moment by moment obedience, and I think our being relaxed and patient and calm as we wait, confident that He will see done what He has called us to do, is worth a lot more to Him than our overwraught efforts to "get something worthwhile accomplished today!"

Returning now to my window...
karen

Reflections on the Artistic Coma - 1

As I said on Wednesday, I have some thoughts about the Artistic coma that I wanted to share. Here is part of the quote from Wednesday's post:

"[The writer] will only know that there are times when he must, at all costs, have solitude; time to dream, to sit idle. Often he himself believes that his mind is empty...That strange, aloof, detached period has been called "the artisitic coma" by observers shrewd enough to see that the idleness is only a surface stillness. Something is at work, but so deeply and wordlessly that it hardly gives a sign of its activity till it is ready to externalize its vision..."

I have very definitely experienced what is being described above in my writing life. Nearly every time I start a new scene, or a new chapter I begin the "strange, aloof, detached" period. My mind is blank. If I try to make myself think about what I want to do, it slides off to other things. If I insist, I will only come up with vague notions that have nothing to do with anything. It all seems dead, lifeless, dull. I wonder why I thought this was something I should develop. I think maybe it's not really something I should develop. I start putzing around.

Suddenly I find myself checking the email. I read blogs. I walk through the dining room to let the dog out and see a magazine, which I start reading. Suddenly I get an idea for a blog post. Or another book. Or an email I want to write. I become consumed with curiosity about some bit of trivia that floats into my mind and go to the internet to find out about it, or dig through the closet to find a photograph. I start reading a novel I've already read...Then I feel guilty and try to make myself get back to work.

Only to repeat the process. Used to be, by day's end I would be quite upset with myself, consumed with guilt -- I have no discipline! I should try harder! I have wasted the whole day! If I am not going to write, I should at least do some chores.

The only thing is, when I'm actually in the day, at the time when I could go do the chores, I never think that's really what I should do. It always seems like if I'd just concentrate I could get something going with the writing.

In the last few months I've really begun to come to terms with the fact that this is not so. That what is going on with me during these times is this period of detachment Dorothea Brande describes. My brain feels empty as far as the work goes, yet I don't feel free to leave it and go off to do other things. Chores are, for the most part, not periods of idle leisure. They are purposeful and when I do one, I immediately start thinking about the next oneI have to do and the next. My mind is never free enough from the accumulating list to do's, to get around to playing with the story.

So I'm thinking now that it's about time I recognize this and stop beating myself up about it. It's not lack of self-discipline, it's lack of understanding the process and accepting it. I really am working, even if externally it looks like I'm just reading Internet Movie Database or Powerline or some article about Russell Crowe. It's okay to just sit and stare out the window at the pigeons while listening to music and let your mind wander. In fact, it's more than okay. It's a crucial part of the process and if I don't allow myself time to do it, I will do it anyway...but in a less productive vein.

Yesterday I started ch 30 and ran right into whatI described above: the material was dead and dry and empty. I had a general idea of what was to happen, but it bored me. What had seemed interesting to me a couple of days ago, now seemed completely pointless. Aha! I thought. This is the period of detachment -- not from society, as I'd assumed before, but from the work itself! The period of withdrawal and indifference! To the work itself. That's what's going on here. The very state of dryness means the nameless faculty is at work and I should rejoice.

So I took my note pad and my notes and I went to the other room (away from the computer and email and blogs) and I sat and watched the pigeons and listened to The Man from Snowy River and Dan Fogleberg and John Denver instrumentals. I did some crocheting... I let my mind wander. A lot. When I thought of other things to do that had nothing to do with the work, I just went and did them. And then came back.

And slowly things began to come, piece by piece, layer by layer. I still have no pages written. I don't even have an outline... but I have images, and I have incidents and events and characters. I have a good idea where I'm going to start and what has come before and where it's going to lead. And I also have a pretty clear picture of a progression of events that will probably be a scene in the next chapter or two. So, though I don't have any pages of prose to show for what I did yesterday, nor even any coherent outlines... but I still think a lot of work actually did get done.

Kinda like with the work that God does behind the scenes when we think He's doing nothing at all. And then one day it all breaks open and we're amazed at what is there.

Tomorrow: Reflections on the Coma -- 2

Karen

Novel Journey Interview

Okay, I know I said I'd do some reflecting on the Artistic Coma today -- it's been one of the most important concepts of my creative process/writing life I've had to internalize -- but I just found out that Novel Journey has put up my interview today. So, if you're interested (and hopefully you are!), please head on over there and check it out. For some reason I completely forgot to mention my website, blog, etc, in the interview, which is typical... I did manage to mention my books. I think...

That reminds me of something Dale Cramer said when he was interviewed there recently:

"I really don’t do much marketing. I enjoy meeting with groups like book clubs, and I do the occasional signing, but for the most part marketing has been unproductive and discouraging for me. I’m no salesman. I have always believed word of mouth is a writer’s best marketing tool, and word of mouth advertising is a byproduct of the quality of a book. Consequently, I feel my energies are far better spent making sure I produce a book readers will recommend to their friends."

Yeah. I can totally relate to that! And speaking of producing a recommendable book... I'd better get back to work. (I'm up to chapter 30 now, and editing ch 9 -- still off schedule but getting closer.)

Tomorrow I will say more about that coma thing...

Karen

The Artistic Coma

From Dorothea Brande's 1934 classic, Becoming a Writer :

"[The writer] will only know that there are times when he must, at all costs, have solitude; time to dream, to sit idle. Often he himself believes that his mind is empty. Sometimes we hear of gifted men who are on the verge of despair because they feel they are going through a "barren" period; but suddenly the time of silence is past, and they have reached the moment when they must write.

"That strange, aloof, detached period has been called "the artisitic coma" by observers shrewd enough to see that the idleness is only a surface stillness. Something is at work, but so deeply and wordlessly that it hardly gives a sign of its activity till it is ready to externalize its vision. The necessity which the artist feels to indulge himself in solitude, in rambling leisure, in long speechless periods, is behind most of the charges of eccentricity and boorishness that are leveled at men of genius. If the period is recognized and allowed for, it need not have a disruptive effect.

"The artist will always be marked by occasional periods of detachment; the nameless faculty will always announce itself by an air of withdrawal and indifference, but it is possible to hasten the period somehwat, and to have it, to a limited extent, under one's control. To be able to induce at will the activity of that higher imagination, that intuition, that artistic level of the unconscious -- that is where the artist's magic lies, and is his only true 'secret.'"

Tomorrow: Reflections on the Artistic Coma

Schedules and Creativity

After this last failure to follow my self-imposed schedule it's occurred to me that one of the problems with schedules is that they are logical and linear -- very left brain. I divided the number of chapters I had left into the days I have left and came up with 2 1/2 days to spend per chapter. I inserted all that into my calendar, then penciled in the coherence edits ("easy" tasks that can be done after the hard work of first drafting is completed for the day). Very simple, very straightforward.

The problem is, creativity is in large part neither simple nor straightforward. Reading about the creative process you quickly learn of the periods of blankness, the times when the work is being done behind the scenes by the non-verbal, non-linear right brain, the way the solutions spring upon you whole cloth, or else the elements fall into place step by step with no conscious or logical planning.

In fact, nothing organic grows in a rigidly logical and linear manner -- take a look at any tree! When you try to force a non-linear process onto a linear calendar, then, it's hardly surprising when it doesn't work out.

Right now I'm having to work through Trap and Carissa's thread as it proceeds through the book -- that means I'm actually doing a degree of the coherence edit on those scenes completely out of the order my schedule had imposed. But so what? The work is still being done. I may not have a nice, neat map of the journey ahead of me, with its built-in assurance that I'll not fail to finish on time... but I have the Lord. And He has assured me that, whatever happens, I will not be ashamed. I just have to believe Him. And I know without a doubt that He prefers that to all my schedules and reliance on my own ability (ha!) to keep them.

Already Off Schedule

Well, last Thursday I made up my little work schedule for the rest of the month. On Thursday everything went splendidly. I made all my goals. On Friday things fell apart.

I thought chapter 28 would write itself in a couple hours that morning. Instead I ended up having to go back through all the earlier scenes for the plot thread in that chapter, analyze them, and see what actually had happened. By noon I had done that -- and discovered that I have to rewrite ch 16 before I can tackle 28. Since I also had a coherence edit of chapter 6 to finish Friday, I switched to that, hoping to at least get one goal accomplished. Instead I worked all the rest of that day and 9 hours on Saturday on chapter 6. It's done, but the schedule's out the window. And it only lasted one day! I'm not too disappointed nor am I surprised.

106 here yesterday. That's hot. Went to church and then spent most of the afternoon outside talking. When I got home later, I was completely wiped out. Dehydrated I think. So I got nothing done, though my schedule called for passes through chapters 7 & 8. Oh well.

God knew all of this would happen and has made allowances, so I'm not going to sweat it. There's always time to do the will of God... though I often wish He'd build more buffer and run-over days into His schedules. Then again, when you 've known everything that's ever going to happen since eternity past, I don't suppose you really need buffers or run-over days.

grace,
Karen

Good Enough

"Good enough is good enough whereas perfect is always a pain in the *** and often not worth the trouble anyway." ~John Clark, Without Remorse (Tom Clancy)

As I was sitting here getting ready to do an edit of chapter 4, the internal pressure began to build and with it the fear. I stopped. I recalled the above. I thought how it’s not up to me to make it perfect or really even “good enough”. (What is good enough anyway? Coherent within the time I have to devote to it? Is that good enough?) I thought how it’s not supposed to be hard. I thought how I should pray, seek the Lord’s guidance in it, ask Him to show me whatever changes need to be made, give me whatever ideas He wants me to put in and just relax.

It’s the flesh that wants to get it perfect (so no one can have a basis to criticize; so readers will offer praise -- always a source of pleasant stimulation, but also of false motivation). It’s the flesh that tries to take control and do it. When the Lord has promised to see it done. The yoke is easy. The burden is light. Relax. All you have to do is read the chapter and make whatever notes occur to you. That’s easy.

And so I did. And yes, I finished the coherence edit of ch 4 and it is good enough.

Onward
Karen

One Month Left

Well, it's June 1. I have one month and five days left to finish this book, and I have at least 12 chapters to go. Plus I have to go back through all the chapters I've written so far and fill in as many of the holes as I can and insert the changes I already know have to be made so the thing will be at least somewhat coherent. I'm up to chapter 3 in the coherence draft...

I think at last it might be time for a schedule... though I have my doubts as to whether it will really do any good. Though schedules do help somewhat in encouraging me to work past my comfort zone in trying to stay on track (often far past my comfort zone, actually...) there are inevitably times when I cannot get the work done in the time I've alotted and then I have to fight with the guilt and angst over that "failure." I guess I'm still feeling my way along as to what works best for me, what the Lord is asking of me, etc. But I think I am going to make one up today and see how long before I go off of it.

I finished chapter 27 last week, and have made substantial progress on chapter 29 -- finished the main scene, in fact. I'm just not sure how long it will be once all the holes are filled in and if I'll have room for a smaller scene tucked in at the end. Thus I don't know if I can call it done or not yet. I'll see what today brings.

Off to work
Karen

The Rough Draft

A quote from my Writing the First Draft folder:

"Anyone can do the rough draft of a novel and it probably won’t look much worse than the first draft of any great novel you care to name. The difference between “anyone” and a serious writer is rewriting, rewriting and more rewriting . . . the serious writer reads the words with cautious, yet growing elation . . .

"Good rewriting demands easy, unhurried tinkering with words. Each unsuccessful try eliminates another wrong solution and leads you to the right one. I can’t emphasize too strongly how important this is, the fact that writing leads to writing, that failed attempts lead to eventual success, that the solution to a rewriting problem is made up of all the attempts that led nowhere.
The trouble is that when you’re just beginning to write, you may believe that words committed to paper are sacred, fixed, immutable. But you’re not dealing with a finished, printed, copyrighted book, only with an idea, a pile of words that will change many times before they take shape as a book."

~Dorothy Bryant

Movie: Mission Impossible 3

Instead of renting a DVD this week, we went to the theatre to see MI3 on our son's recommendation. He was right: it was good! And I like his take on Tom Cruise: the guy may jump and squeal on Oprah's couch, rave about Scientology and exhibit other eccentric behaviors, but I don't go to a movie to see him act like himself. I expect him to be acting like someone else. And for me, he did it splendidly in this. Despite it all, he remains darned good looking and he has a wonderful intensity and physicality that make him very entertaining to watch.

I think I did like this one better than its predecessors. Being a fan of the original Mission Impossible TV series, I was quite dismayed with MI 1 when the team -- which was what the series was all about -- was wiped out in the first five minutes of the movie. The second one had no team either, so I was very happy to see it returned in this one. MI 3 is still not about the team pulling one off on the bad guys per se, but I could live with that.

The opening especially intrigued me -- showing a portion of the climax, one that ends badly, before breaking away to What Came Before. Throughout the movie I kept straying back to that information, wondering if knowing it was making the story better or worse. At times I thought it didn't help, because I didn't like it, and it lessened the impact of what would have been surprising story developments otherwise. Though even when you knew what was coming, I thought they ended up doing a really good job of making it surprising and interesting. The bridge scene, for example. The capture of the rabbit's foot for another -- I was almost dreading that, to be honest. We already know from that opener that he got it, so why go through all the time and trouble of showing us how? And, as it turned out, they didn't really, and handled that section very intriguingly.

I also enjoyed the scenes between Ethan and his fiancee -- such a contrast of light and joy to all the dark tension and seriousness of the rest of what was going on in his life.

So I'd have to say, I recommend it, and am glad we paid to see it in the theatre. There are some really nice visuals that would probably lose impact on a smaller screen. Plus, it's just fun to do now and then.

Next up: Superman Returns!

Have a great day
Karen

Memorial Day 2006

Looking Back at Iraq
A war to be proud of

By Victor Davis Hanson

There may be a lot to regret about the past policy of the United States in the Middle East, but the removal of Saddam Hussein and the effort to birth democracy in his place is surely not one of them. And we should remember that this Memorial Day...

Read more of this excellent Memorial Day retrospective on our activities in Iraq here.

Karen

Korean War Memorial Photo by davebluedevil (dwm)

Even Tolkien

Lots of stuff going on around here lately -- Bear (the dog) has had to go to having his fluids administered daily now (from every three days) plus extra medications that have to be timed around his eating. We've had doctor's appointments (an hour waiting at the vet for what was to be a five minute blood draw), a birthday, an anniversary and various other distractions... um... like the season finales of Lost and 24...

But I want to thank Michelle for giving me the idea for today's post in her comment on yesterday's blog about Tolkien and Lewis struggling...

This is from Overcoming Writing Blocks, a book I've mentioned before. It's one of the many writer quotes sprinkled throughout the text:

"I play patience, or draw marvelously intricate patterns on backs of old newspapers while I'm solving the crossword. Then I feel ashamed and try to get back to work, but the phone rings or Edith calls me to tea, so I put it off for a later day." ~ J.R.R. Tolkien


Karen

Weighed Down No More

In Bible class the other night, our pastor spoke of the goals and deceptions of the kingdom of darkness. How we often imagine the demons primarily trying to put things into our minds, when in reality their objective is more to keep things out of them -- ie, the things of God.

They want to separate us from being occupied with Christ and concentrating on the Father's Plan for our lives. Those believers who get committed and serious about learning His word and living in His plan, will be attacked. And the demons know that one of the best ways to pull us away from thinking about God is to get us thinking about ourselves and our circumstances.

And too often we are complete suckers for their ploys, especially the one of anxiety. Having dealt with our kind for thousands of years, they know how effective simple anxiety is at cutting our minds off from the things of God. And it's so easy to get us there...

Just send in some in people to put fear, worry or anxiety into our souls. Or bring in some situation of suspense. Our enemies know how much we hate not knowing what's going to happen, how automatic it is for us to fall into contemplating all the aspects of the "problem", thinking about all the bad ways things might go, then getting caught up in trying to solve them with our own power and ways.

Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in the heart of a man weighs it down.

I've been weighed down lately, without really knowing why. For some time (a week? A couple? I'm not sure) I've awakened to a downer feeling each morning whose source I could not identify. Sometimes it would continue intermittantly throughout the day. I especially noticed it when I'd think about working on the book. I thought I was probably tired, and worried a little that if I was already starting to be tired now, what was I going to be like in a month?

Last night I finally realized that I've fallen into fear and anxiety again, though because it's been more in my emotions than in my thoughts, I didn't recognize what I was doing. Now I do. There is so much left to put into this book and I have no idea how I'm going to do it in the chapters I have remaining. I see all the things that still need to be done, fixed, added, thought of, even in the work I've already done. How will I ever have the time to do it all? What about the "cool" scenes I'd envisioned for the end? Are they really going to be that cool, or am I going to flub it up and turn what I thought would be moving and golden all flat and gray? The storyline has not gone at all in the direction I thought it would and it's turning out to be a very different book than I'd anticipated. I fear that maybe I made a wrong turn, that I've written the wrong stuff and that it's going to be a boring book. Instead of pleasing readers, moving them and making them feel glad to have read it all, I fear they will be let down and disappointed.

Those thoughts have not been at the forefront of my mind by any means, but they have drifted in and out at times and I didn't realize how much I needed to nab them and confront them. I am seeing how the kingdom of darkness does bring in people and situations and even my own stupidity (I went glory hunting again the other day, despite knowing that is a bad idea) to reinforce all these doubts...

Still, the solution is easy: confess the fear, turn away from it and concentrate on what is true. For me, that means to recall that God has chosen me for this, and not rejected me (Is 41:9,10). That He promised to help me and guide me. I have asked repeatedly, in fact, for His guidance and for Him to make this book what He wants it to be. (And, please Lord, can you make it so I'll like it too?) I believe He has answered, even if sometimes I can't see the answer. I know He will do the work he has called me to, because He's said he would (I Th 5:24). Likewise He's assured me He will help me and that I will not be ashamed.(Is 50:7) From all this I know the book is on the right track. I know that it will all fall into place at the right time, even if I can't see it from where I stand right now. He is going to do it. It's his work, not mine and if I concentrate on that and believe that, the anxiety is gone and the freedom returns.

Grace,
Karen

Balloon photo by Hyku

A New Publicist?

I was taking my walk around the park the other day and chewing -- again -- on the issue of marketing and publicity. I had read on a blog yet another flat, no-questions-asked declaration of the fact that this business is not only about writing. That we must also market, and market vigorously, spend great amounts of time devouring all resources in learning how to do it well, etc. Since it's a personal trend in me to do just that sort of thing in any new endeavor, that would mean a lot of my time. Maybe I should hire a publicist, I thought. Would that be so bad?

So I went to the Lord with my questions, and here's the thought that immediately came into my head:

"Well, you could try that if you like. You'd have to let your existing publicist go, if you mean to hire a new one, of course... but I'll be happy to step out of the way if you think a human agency can do a better job..."

Hmph. So much for that idea!

Karen

Why I Won't Be Watching The Da Vinci Code

After several incidents of flatly declaring I would not waste my time watching -- or, heaven forbid, reading -- The Da Vinci Code over the weekend, I decided I should offer a more substantive reason than to comment with great force and conviction on its worthlessness and evil intent. So here it is:

Why in the world would I want to spend two and a half hours of my time watching a movie whose primary purpose is to discredit and misrepresent my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, His word and His work on the Cross? How could that possibly be entertaining?

For me, it could not be. Aren't I curious? No. Don't I need to watch it to know what it's about so I can answer the questions of those who might be seeking or confused? I think not. Better to know the truth of what the word of God says. Better to spend my time reviewing the reasons I believe the Word of God to be the word of God, inerrant in its original languages and the source of all truth. Better to spend my time mastering the doctrines of the Cross and the Hypostatic Union and why Jesus fathering a child with Mary Magdalene would be completely out of the Father's plan for His life. Better to become well versed on the concepts of the angelic conflict and how the devil deceives the whole world.

Because that, in a nutshell, is what I believe The Da Vinci Code to be: a repugnant deception and the devil's answer to the success of The Passion of the Christ.

Movie Night: Munich

Last Friday we rented Steven Spielberg's Munich -- about the secret Israeli squad assigned to track down and assassinate the 11 Palestinians believed to have planned the 1972 Munich massacre of 11 Israeli athletes, and the personal toll it takes on the man who led it. It was nominated for 5 Academy Awards, including best picture.

I can't exactly say it was good, or that I liked it -- it's not the sort of film that leaves you aglow with triumph -- but it was definitely worth watching. I was in college at the time the event took place, and recall it only vaguely, so it was interesting to see that recapped along with what I took to be actual footage from the news media.

I loved Eric Bana as Hector in Troy and I liked him a lot here as the team leader. His transformation from young, naive neophyte to hardened field operative is fascinating and heart-wrenching as he tries to carry out what he sees as his patriotic duty at considerable personal sacrifice. And that amidst recurring doubts as to whether what he is doing is really right. In fact, the movie itself deliberately calls into question the legitimacy of the whole operation, and makes an effort to portray both sides, Palestinians and Jews, as having equally valid claims/desires and grievances -- without really offering any conclusion. Of course, with the Word of God in the picture, the answer is clear: the Jews win; they get the land in the end. But that goes beyond the scope or intention of this film. I think it was mostly to shine a light on the complexities of the situation and the misery caused to all parties involved.

In all it was quite thought provoking, though I wonder how much of its meaning was created by the lens through which the director/writer chose to show things. It's not a documentary, after all, only "inspired" by real events. The truth could be much different.

It is not for the kiddies by any means and well earns its R rating with graphic violence, sexual content (the man and his wife), nudity, and bad language (though I don't think there was all that much of that. I can recall only a few, isolated incidents).

Karen

How Long Will it Take?

Michelle asked yesterday if I had finished the first draft of the whole book or only Chapter 25. Alas, only Chapter 25, though I've made excellent progress on Chapter 26 today. The first draft is due about July 5.

She also asked how long it took to finish a book. Well, that's partly what this blog is about. And so far, I think I might just be on schedule, even though I have rigorously refused to draw up any such thing (ie, finish chapter 25 on this day, ch 26 on this one, etc). So how am I measuring? By comparing my progress now with how it went for Shadow Over Kiriath last year. I officially started writing that book on January 19, 2004 and by January 19, 2005, a year later, I had finished up through chapter 27. That book was due Feb 28 (after some schedule revisions the previous September) and I turned it in just about on time. So from January 19 to Feb 28, a month and a half, I wrote about 14 chapters. All together the first draft took me 13 months, one shy of the 14 months I had calculated I've typically taken to write a book over the years.

Using that as a benchmark, I looked at my progress on Return of the Guardian King, which I started writing on June 7, 2005. As of May 19, I've finished up through chapter 25. Since it seems likely that I can turn out two more chapters in the next two weeks, I'm about the same place I was at this time in the journey as I was with the last book. And if I do indeed turn it in July 5, that will also work out to be just about 13 months from start to finish of the first draft.

This is the first draft, of course. All that bad writing: gaps, holes, illogicalities, running on and on as you describe this or explain that...all those asterisks where dialogue or scenes fell off cliffs, or I just didn't feel like describing anything at the moment. The ms I turned in to my editor last year I wouldn't have shown to my dog if it wasn't for that deadline. I don't know how she managed to read it and see anything good in it. But she did. Got her feedback back to me in 13 days and I started in on another two months of concentrated work to complete the second draft. I'm expecting about the same schedule with this one.

Happy Weekend!
Karen

A Scene Crasher

Well, it's happened again. I finished chapter 25 on Tuesday, but on Wednesday I discovered that the moths had gotten to it, and contrary to Neil Gaiman's experience (see previous post On Writing Badly)... it was not better than I thought, but worse. I spent five hours of near constant focus doing a paragraph by paragraph outline, analyzing it, coming up with what needed to be done and then pressing through a rewrite of about seven pages before I knocked off for my regular Wednesday lunch with my Royal Family friends.

Yesterday (Thursday) I continued to plug away on it, working all day under a most annoying state of distractibility. But that's not what "happened again." What happened again was that I had a character who wasn't even supposed to be there barge into the middle of things. He just showed up sitting on a wall. And then he started talking. What is this? I thought. You shouldn't be here, you have nothing to do with anything. I want to focus on the events at the end of this chapter. I can't have you here nattering away wasting words and time at the beginning... begone. But he refused to go. At last, I let him have his way, and just wrote the lengthy conversations he insisted upon having with my pov, figuring I would shorten them all to a narrative summary when it was over. Which is exactly what I did. And then he began NEW conversations... Ack! After that happened enough times, I got the notion that maybe he really did need to be there. And so I've left him. For now... I'm not convinced, yet.

Anyway, I finished the chapter at 21 pages and I'm calling the first draft done.

Hallelujah!
Karen

Why Read Fantasy?

The Lord of the Rings, The Song of Albion, The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, The Wheel of Time, The Farseer Trilogy, Watership Down, The Prydain Chronicles, The Sword of Shannara, The Belgariad, The Chronicles of Narnia… All are well-known, well-loved fantasy series, many of them my personal favorites. Why do I love to read fantasy? Because, of all the genres, fantasy most leans toward illustrating important spiritual truths regarding why we are here and what life is about. Even secular fantasies do so—in rather great numbers, surprisingly enough. Typically, epic fantasies depict great battles between supernatural forces of good and evil, an obvious parallel to the invisible supernatural war Christians fight on earth. Knowing about this battle and our place in it gives our lives meaning and purpose. Even if we must engage in mundane activities, we can know that they have great significance in the unseen war.

Characters possessing the ability to recognize and fight the evil in a fantasy story reflect Christians who, through the filling of the Holy Spirit and the serious, daily study of the Word of God, acquire the ability to discern and defend against the deceptive forces of evil in our own world. The common presence of kings and other royalty provides an obvious metaphor for our relationship with the Lord, and illustrates not only the humility and devotion required of those who serve the king, but also the responsibilities and self-sacrifice required of the king himself.

Best of all, fantasy novels are almost always about great heroes. Courage, confidence, humility, self-sacrifice, virtue, perseverance, love—the qualities of a hero reflect our Lord’s character. Indeed, often a fantasy hero begins his story as a menial of unknown parentage who comes to realize there is a great battle raging—or about to break out—that he has been born to fight in. Frequently he discovers himself to be of royal parentage and possesses unusual abilities needed to win the war. After enduring many trials and difficulties (the cross before the crown), the hero defeats the evil and delivers the realm. Justice prevails and the rule of good triumphs.

All of those principles have important bearing on my own life, and I love to see them play out in the different ways authors develop them. I love heroes, love following them through their journeys. They always make me think of my Lord, and give me new ways to relate to Him. Finally, I love using the imagination God has given me to create in my own mind the fabulous and fascinating realms that others have devised for their stories. Not only is it just plain fun, it also provides ways of looking at spiritual truths from angles I might not have considered before.

With echoes of the Savior’s life and character, stories that remind me of who I am and why I am here, and themes that provoke thoughts of God’s sovereignty, justice and love—why would I not love to read Fantasy? Add in the elements of suspense, mystery, action and romance that characterize many fantasies, and how could I not recommend the genre to one and all?

[For more on the subject of Christian fantasy in particular, check out this week's ongoing blog tour on Christian Fantasy and Sf, starting at http://rebeccaluellamiller.wordpress.com/ ]

Well, back to chapter 25

Have a great day
Karen

Kiriathan and King

One of my readers has put together a forum for fans to discuss my books -- primarily the Legends of the Guardian-King, but there is a thread for the other(s) also. It's just getting started, so if you are interested in inaugurating and participating in the first such forum for my books that I'm aware of, head on over to

http://s15.invisionfree.com/Kiriathan_And_King/

Categories so far include The Author, The Light of Eidon (where some discussion questions have been posted should you need something to spark your thoughts), The Shadow Within, Shadow Over Kiriath, Return of the Guardian King (guess about the last book here), Impact (discuss how the Legends have impacted you). There are also sections for discussing other books, including those not by me, general Christian topics and for the art, poetry and story contributions of fans.

Hope you'll have lots of enjoyable conversations.

Karen

Christian SF & Fantasy Blog Tour

I just wrote 8+ pages of chapter 25 -- in about two hours no less -- and to celebrate I went blogging. And just discovered that this week, there is a "blog tour" afoot highlighting Christian SF/F. It's focused on Tim Francovich's Christian Fiction Review site, largely because Tim has been so generous in his reviewing of the genre -- to the point of actually setting up what appears to be a permanent focus page on Christian SF/F.

You can start the blog here, at Becky Miller's site:

http://rebeccaluellamiller.wordpress.com/.

I've come in a bit late so there may be more than one post at some of the sites (or none as of yet). Several people are sponsoring book giveaways, in addition to contribuing some interesting commentary and reviews. My blog is not officially on the tour, but if things continue as well as they have today {what's that hysterical laughter I'm hearing?}, I might actually find time, energy and brain cells enough to comment on others' posts here or there.

Karen

On Writing Badly

On writing badly and how you often can't really tell, even if a thousand voices are howling in your head as you write it. Here's Neil Gaiman in an interview with Claire E. White, in The Internet Writing Journal (http://www.writerswrite.com/) , March 1999, as quoted in The Writers’ Guide to Fantasy Literature, edited by Philip Martin:

"...you can have one of those days when you sit down and every word is crap. It is awful. You cannot understand how or why you are writing, what gave you the illusion or delusion that you would ever have anything to say that anybody would ever want to listen to. You're not quite sure why you're wasting your time. And if there is one thing you're sure of, it's that everything that is being written that day is rubbish.

"I would also note that on those days (especially if deadlines and things are involved) I keep writing. The following day, when I actually come to look at what has been written, I will usually look at what I did the day before, and think, 'That's not quite as bad as I remember. All I need to do is delete that line and move that sentence around and its fairly usable. It's not that bad.'

"What is really sad and nightmarish (and I should add, completely unfair, in every way. And I mean it -- utterly, utterly, unfair!) is that two years later, or three years later, although you will remember very well, very clearly, that there was a point in this particular scene when you hit a horrible Writer's Block from Hell, and you will also remember there was point in this particular scene where you were writing and the words dripped like magic diamonds from your fingers -- -- as if the gods were speaking through you and every sentence was a thing of beauty and magic and brilliance.

"You can remember just as clearly that there was a point in the story, in that same scene, when the characters had turned into pathetic cardboard cut-outs and nothing they said mattered at all. You remember this very, very clearly. The problem is you are now doing a reading and you cannot for the life of you remember which bits were the gifts of the gods and dripped from your fingers like magical words and which bits were the nightmare things you just barely created and got down on paper somehow!! Which I consider most unfair. As a writer, you feel like one or the other should be better. I wouldn't mind which. I'm not somebody who's saying, "I really wish the stuff from the gods was better." I wouldn't mind which way it went. I would just like one of them to be better. Rather than when it's a few years later, and you're reading the scene out loud and you don't know, and you cannot tell. It's obviously all written by the same person and it all gets the same kind of reaction from an audience. No one leaps up to say, 'Oh look, that paragraph was clearly written on an 'off' day.'"

Me again: Yeah. I could say the same thing. Though I don't care so much about not knowing which is which. I'm just deleriously grateful the rubbish turned into something good.

Cheers!
Karen

Friday Night at the Movies

Nearly every Friday night we rent a movie. We've been doing it for so many years it's a tradition even the dog has bought into (he expects either a chew or to be able to find treats hidden about the house while we watch.) This week, we rented Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley. "A chick flick" my husband said, right about the time the two girls were giggling in bed about the men at the ball.

We both enjoyed it, though. I liked the story, loved the language and the English countryside and the romance. And the piano playing. It was funny the way various people kept asking to talk to someone privately and everyone else would be herded out of the room, only to be found just outside it later, clustered around with ears at the door. I think I might like the book even better, because I'd like to know more about the background and the characters than I was able to pull out of the movie. And I've always loved the complicated syntax and vocabulary of those older books.

Happy Weekend
Karen

A Bubble Outline

Having finished chapter 20 and 23 last weekend, I began to think about 24 on Monday. (Um... that would be Chapter 24, not the TV program, 24). That sent me back to chapters 4 and 9, and I've spent the last three days working through the process of drafting a new scene for 9b.

There's definitely a process. On the first day I had the turnip head again. Could not follow a thought line to save my life. Couldn't remember thoughts I'd had two minutes after I had them. Nothing happened. I took a nap.

The second day I began to get some ideas, but it was chaotic. None of them went with any of the others. A huge mass of ingredients but no recipe and at that point, no idea whether I was baking a cake or making stew. I had some more of the spacey head, where I couldn't remember thoughts I'd just had five minutes previously and nothing seemed to catch fire and go.

Then I thought of making a bubble outline. So I got out a big sketch pad and began to put all the different things I had thought of in bubbles, with related thoughts spoking off their respective bubbles to new bubbles. Soon I discovered that I had a definite cluster of bubbles in one area and that told me what my scene needed to be -- where, whom and generally what about.

Having decided that, I sat down to write it today and it all came out. Ten pages worth. Since this plotline was a big blank before, I am very happy that I now have a good and solid idea of what it's going to be about. I'm not sure yet whether I can go right to chapter 24, or whether I'll have to revisit another of the intervening scenes... tomorrow will tell.

Grace,
karen

Prison of the Present

May 09, 2006
The Prison of the Present
By Victor Davis Hansen

"Listen to the present televised hysteria. Too few troops! No, too many still there! The CIA is out of control! No, it is weak and irrelevant! The Iraq mess only empowered Iran! No, its democratic experiment is the best way to undermine that neighboring theocracy.

"Such frenzy of the 24-hour news cycle is now everywhere, as we are lectured that our victories over the Taliban and Saddam Hussein have caused as many problems as they solved."

Read the rest of this fascinating article comparing past wars with the current one here.

Don't Watch the Wind

"He who watches the wind will not sow and he who looks at the clouds will not reap." ~Eccl 11:4

One of the reasons I love living in Arizona is that we can dry our clothes on a clothesline. In fact, I do it all the time. Even on days when it is cloudy. Because in Arizona, just because it is cloudy doesn't mean it will rain. Just because it is raining on the horizon doesn't mean it will rain in my back yard. And just because it is raining in my back yard when the washing machine is started doesn't mean it will be raining when the cycles are finished. (Although I admit I don't usually start the wash if it is actually raining.)

I love this concept. Tonight's Bible class was on it, and it was exactly what I needed for today. Don't wait for conditions to be perfect, because if you do, you'll never do anything. "There will always be a measure of discomfort and discouragement in executing the plan of God for our lives." We have to get used to that. We have to accept that and go forward in it. "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary," says Galatians 6:9. The reason we're told not to lose heart is because at times it is hard, it is unpleasant, we don't feel good and things are not going right. Maybe the people we're doing it for don't appreciate it. That's okay. Just keep on doing it, trusting God at His word.

Don't try to predict future conditions either, for you have no idea what the future holds. Not next year, not tomorrow and not even in the next hour! If you can do what the Lord has called you to do now, then do it, to the best of your ability, which may be great or it may be really shaky, but it doesn't matter. Because the Lord will work it out. He has all the details in hand, which we cannot see because He doesn't want us to see them. He wants us to trust Him.

Another day of grace,
Karen

Cloud photo by jpockele

Resting?

Well, I finished chapters 20 and 23 over the weekend (had parts of each to complete and I did). Today I took the dog to the vet, went through the pile of papers, catalogs and magazines on the dining room table, most of which I threw away... and then could not seem to make myself concentrate on anything. Technically I've started ch 24, but all I did was transfer a couple of pages of material I'd saved from an earlier chapter that I thought might go here... and then nothing. I think I might be tired.

Yesterday after church I came home and crashed. I ended up taking a nap, which I rarely do, and went to bed early. Today my brain still didn't want to work, even to read fiction for fun or magazines -- it all seemed too hard -- plus I had a headache, which is often a sign I'm tired.

So, mental work being a bust, I cleaned the house and did some ironing.

Maybe tomorrow will see more progress.

Karen

Begin with a Rough Sketch

"Fiction begins with a rough sketch. One gets down the characters and their behavior any way one can, knowing the sentences will have to be revised, knowing the characters' actions may change... All that matters is, going over and over the sketch as if one had all eternity for finishing one's story, one improves now this sentence, now that, noticing what changes the new sentences urge, and in the process one gets the characters and their behavior clearer in one's head, gradually discovering the deeper implications of the characters' problems and hopes. Fiction does not spring into the world full grown like Athena. It is the process of writing and rewriting that makes a fiction profound and original. One cannot judge in advance whether or not the idea of the story is worthwhile because until one has finished writing the story one does not know for sure what the idea is."

~ John Gardner (On Becoming a Novelist, The Art of Fiction)

Words from the Past

As I've mentioned before, I have kept a writing journal for years, a method advocated by the writers of Overcoming Writing Blocks. It is supposed to help you figure out what circumstances, incidents, moods, etc, contribute to blocking. I don't think I've ever really used it for that, but I've found it has given me considerable comfort to reread passages over the years.

Today, for example, I went back to my entry on January 2, 2005, when I was at just about the same place in Shadow Over Kiriath as I am now in Return of the Guardian-King. Here's the entry:

"1 pm -- I am now stuck on Ch 22. Had what I thought were some brilliant, plot-opening, breakthrough ideas at 4:00am which I actually got up to write down. But now they don't seem quite as stupendous...

"11pm -- I thought about motivations, main goals, etc, and that felt like progress. Then I decided I'd gone overboard on the direness of Chesedh's plight and fixed that. But now I'm not sure if I'm just going overboard in everything, dragging things out too long, introducing too many issues, diluting concerns... I'm too close to tell, I know, but I feel tonight as if I've lost all control of the material. So I have to go back to the Lord. Maybe I don't know what's going on, but He does. He's called me. He's promised to guide me. I believe He is doing so and for now... He's chosen not to reveal the big picture to me.

"Remember that lesson that Pastor taught? How the Lord deliberately makes some parts of His direction obscure to test our relationship to His authority and His essence? When it doesn't make sense, you don't have the details, don't know where you're going? He's told me over and over that this is His doing. Accept it. Trust Him and keep plugging. He will lead me in paths I have not known..."

I could write that same entry today! I'm stuck on ch 21/23, and I feel as if I've lost all control of the material. That I have far too much to ever get in and at the same time what I've done is thin and weird and rambling. Right now it seems incredibly lame, so much so I wonder how I've come to this point. So it is a comfort to know that I've felt the same at the same place in writing a book before (and middles of books are notoriously difficult to write). It's also a comfort to re-read the words of encouragement and reminder that I'd written to myself at the time, for they apply just as much today as a year ago.

Grace,
Karen

Noodling

When my son was in high school, I went in once a week as an aide to the head of the English department and picked up a lot of interesting information -- about the school and about literature and writing. One of the things she said was this: "It doesn't bother me to noodle something for a long time. In fact, I like it. Because I have the confidence now that it will eventually come together. When you are younger, it's scary because you don't have that confidence. You haven't seen it happen over and over."

I think I'm starting to understand that. I think I'm starting to be more tolerant of the blank, chaotic times, because those seem to be when I am assimilating all the information, options, questions, etc. And that takes time. Blank time. Idle time. I have to wait. I have to be patient and trust.

I'm also realizing that I can't tell what I'm doing when I'm actually doing it. There's just too much going on in my brain to be at all clear on that, too many choices, too many changes of mind, too many questions and objections and possibilities considered and passed over. By the time I'm done I really have no idea what I actually did. Dorothea Brande was right when she said to never read a first draft right when y0u finish it. You haven't gotten far enough away from all that clutter that was generated when you first wrote it. Plus you're tired. Turnips are very poor editors.

Yesterday and today I did the Really Bad Drafts thing again and today, when I came up 2 and a half pages short of my goal, I decided I would just go back and fill in all the holes I'd left on my first pass. I would just do each hole one at a time, and if the filling was clumsy and awkward and obviously shoehorned in, that would be okay. Just so long as it was filled. I was amazed at how well that worked.

Pressing on
Karen

This is a Turnip

Or maybe it's my brain.

I worked all day -- staring at the ceiling, doing nonstops, reading blogs, email, websites, library books. Waiting for the words to come.

Finally I wrote seven very bad pages of Chapter 20.

A study I once read said that as rats age, the glucose drains faster from their brains when they are working hard to use them than it does from the brains of younger rats. And takes longer to replenish...

I'm not sure what that means, but if my brain were to be drained of glucose, I think this is how it would feel.

I better go to bed and get started on that replenishment.

Grace. It's always grace.

Karen

Blessings are to be enjoyed

As I knew it would, the block broke Wednesday afternoon and I finished the first scene (and first half) of Chapter 23 Friday morning. Then I had to fall back and reorganize. I've been forging ahead chapter after chapter without keeping official track of what I've done, and I was starting to get hazy about it all. So I went back and pulled it all together into an outline of what has gone before. Today I started Chapter 20, which has a different viewpoint character and plot thread than the scenes I've been writing recently. I spent most of the day brainstorming, outlining and simmering.

I've also been doing a lot of thinking about the Christy nomination, which every year throws me into a turmoil. In the past I've maintained that none of it matters. But this year I'm rethinking that conclusion. It is a blessing from the Lord -- that, for sure. The problem is, I've never really been able to enjoy it for what it actually is -- that a group of people chose my book and two others from a pool of at least ten entries as examples of superior work. And the reason I've not, I see now, is because I've been too busy applying the concepts I'd need to apply if it didn't actually win. This doesn't make a lot of sense written down like this. In the attempt to shield myself from the "devastation" of the possible future event of the book not winning the award (thus proving me a total failure as a writer), I prevented myself from enjoying the present reality of it being nominated.

As I contemplate the whole thing now, I realize how ridiculous it is. Not winning would not mean I am a total failure, and "devastation" is a grotesque exaggeration. I would be disappointed. The "You can't write" harpies might pay me a visit for a couple of days afterward, but eventually I'd chase them away. Beyond that, what else is going to happen? In the end I'll still write. People will still read my books. Bethany House will continue to publish the books they've contracted me for... How did it swell into such a big deal in the back rooms of my mind?

I have no idea. The old nature's arrogance mixed with the world's lies. Could this be an example of the insanity Eccl 9:3 says dwells in the hearts of the sons of men throughout their lives? Probably. In any case, I'm ready, finally, to embrace what the Lord's given me. To enjoy it for what it is, give thanks to Him for it, and...

Stay out of the future!

Pressing On
Karen

Great News!

Just got off the phone with my editor who informed me that the 2006 slate of Christy finalists has been released and Shadow Over Kiriath is among them. Yippee! I am honored and very pleased. It was not an easy book to write and I felt that I took a risk with the way I ended it, so this is nice.

Other finalists in the visionary category are Legend of the Emerald Rose by Linda Wichman, and The Presence by Bill Myers. Congratulations to both of them and to all the others who were nominated. You can check out the full slate at the Christy Awards site here

Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Karen

Lost and stuck

I've hit a wall today early on in ch 23 and am solidly stuck. Unable to focus, I've bounced from distraction to distraction all morning, only to find when I come back to the work and force myself to nonstop about the world and what happens next, I just end up with contradictions. I have no idea how to break through them. No idea what to do. Nonstopping has become the equivalent of a literary chasing of my tail (tale?). Which way to go? How do I resolve the questions and objections? I have no idea. No thoughts.

Fortunately, Abramm is in the same predicament, so at least I can relate. And I know eventually it will break because I know the Lord is guiding me. I can't feel or see it right now, but I know it because He's promised to do it, so I'll just have to wait for whatever He's doing to emerge.

Karen

Glory Hunting

Yesterday was a disaster. First the dog refused to eat and I spent 45 minutes trying to come up with the most appetizing concoction to persuade him. (It’s a part of the chronic kidney disease that makes him not want to eat, even as it’s imperative that he do so.) Then there were glitches with the newsletter – my test version was not received by my hotmail account. Or rather, it was received, according to the newsletter people, it just didn’t show up anywhere. (Neither did the official newsletter for that matter, so if you have a hotmail account and are subscribed to my newsletter but did not receive one today/last night, I’d like to know about it.) I spent a couple of hours trying to work that out, without success. (At least the dog finally ate.)

After that I read some blogs that got me out of sorts, and then an interview of a writer in an unsolicited ezine I received that sent me off to read Amazon reviews informing me I didn’t really know how to write. In the process, I discovered this dreadful new feature Amazon has added to one’s book pages. Now you can see what percentage of people who visited your page bought your books and what percentage bought someone else’s books. This is not a statistic I have any interest in knowing, one way or the other, but especially when it is not in my favor. As it was not yesterday.

Since I have already wasted far too much time and given myself far too many stomachaches comparing sales rankings and numbers of reviews (the warning in 2 Corinthians against comparing notwithstanding) I long ago made it a rule not to visit the pages of other writers, especially those who write in the same genre. I know my old nature well enough to know that no matter what those numbers say, the results will not pretty, and writing momentum will be lost while I round up the flood of rebel thoughts that have been set loose. With this new feature in place, I'm thinking I'm going to have to avoid Amazon altogether -- even my own pages.

As I was contemplating all this, though, my thoughts were turned to the incident at the end of David’s life described in both 1 Samuel and 1 Chronicles where Satan stood up against Israel and moved David to number Israel's army. Joab protested, pointing out they were all David’s servants so why did he need to know how many? It’s a puzzling passage to me, but I think the meaning is that we’re not supposed to be sitting around tallying up blessings, because it only leads to arrogance and comparisons... “Look how many fighting men I have in MY kingdom! Way more than all my neighbors!” Or its opposite, “Oh woe is me. I hardly have any soldiers. Compared to so and so, mine is a tiny, pathetic, weak little kingdom.” Since it was fighting men Joab was sent out to count, this seems to indicate David is either measuring his kingdom’s strength and security or contemplating his own glory. Whoever has the biggest, strongest army will be the one assured of living in peace and security, as well as being the one regarded as most glorious. (Counting and comparing reviews and sales rankings -- if good -- has somewhat the same effect)

But we are not to gain our security from numbers, or any other external things. We gain it from the Lord. And the Lord doesn’t need numbers. Of all people, David knew that, since he’d started his career as one man facing a giant that had intimidated the entire army of Israel. And come to think of it, it can't be a coincidence that this little numbering incident comes in the wake of the final war against the descendents of that Philistine giant when David’s army finally defeated them for good. So maybe it was just sheer arrogance on David’s part, wanting to know how many great and mighty warriors served him... whatever it was, the Lord was not happy with him, and when He made that clear, David admitted it: “I have sinned greatly, in that I have done this thing... Is it not I who commanded to count the people? Indeed, I am the one who has sinned and done very wickedly...” Not just "sinned" but "sinned greatly" and "done very wickedly."

Which reinforces my conclusions as to the error of counting and monitoring the numbers of reviews, fan letters, sales rankings etc. I’m called to serve the Lord, not man. He’s the one who’s given me this gift and the time and ability to use it. If He wants to give me no reviews and no letters and not so great sales rankings, is that not His right? And since He has only my best interests in mind at all times, would that not be for my benefit? He doesn't need good numbers to keep my books published even. And if they're not published, so what? He can still use whatever I do -- or what He does through me -- it just may not be in accordance with what I or the world think is the way He's supposed to use it. But if I am truly doing it as unto Him, out of obedience and love for Him – and for the pleasure that comes from simply working in the gift – why would I not be willing to proceed regardless of what He does or does not do with it, and especially regardless of whatever the world says about it?

Proverbs 25:27 It is not good to eat much honey. Nor is it glory to search out one’s own glory.

It's always grace,
Karen

Owlets!

Remember the Great Horned owl we found sitting on its nest in a Eucalyptus tree back in February? ("Owl in a Tree") Well, the eggs have hatched and the owlets have emerged! From the size of them, I'd say they hatched some time ago. There are actually three of them in this picture, but you can only see the faces of two.

The amazing thing about this nest is that the tree is right beside the lane where the schoolbuses at a local high school unload. The nest itself is in a crook of that tree about 8 or nine feet from the ground. When we arrived today to take their pictures another group of photographers was already there. The owlets watched us all with interest for awhile, then the one on the left dozed off. No fear there. We don't know where their mama was. Probably searching for lunch.

How very cool!
Karen

More from Friday's Nonstop

After the nonstop I excerpted yesterday, I went off to find photographs of the desert because I didn't like the one on my bulletin board. When I came back to the subject at hand... here is what I wrote next:

"So. I came back to it, began to pursue details again – 80,000 slaves on the Darb el Arbain (the 40 Days Road in the Sahara), caravans, where are my characters going? -- and my brain snarled. It feels like I’ve just gone through too much -- too many options, too much shifting -- and I lose all track of where I am, what I’ve decided, even if I have decided. I just keep piling up options and questions. The more I work the more they pile, and then the whole mass is way too complex. I can’t hold it all in my head.


"It’s like this. If there are only 20 slaves, then that would determine where and how they camp. If there are a thousand, things are going to be much different. If they are going through the dunes, that will determine how they stop for the night, where and how they rest, or if they even rest at all. If there are no dunes, but steep sided wadis instead, with shade and hard-packed gravely surfaces...well that destroys my whole idea for the moving road. I like the thing with the moving road.

"And now it's gotten too big for my head again. I can't think of it all any more and my train of thought collapses. So. What do I do? I’m getting the notion that I need to make a temporary outline or scaffolding, just so I can work on something. I can’t deal with it all at once.
That being the case... I have these areas that I know for sure I want to do... Of these four I see now that the moving road is the most important. Which means there have to be dunes..."

From that point I was able to carry on, asking questions and getting solid answers that enabled me to stop wrestling with endless maybes and how abouts and flesh out something fairly solid in terms of a scene. Hence the 8 pages I mentioned in yesterday's post.

And today, after 2 1/2 hours of writing one word after the other, one sentence after the other, I am pleased to say I've exceeded by two my goal of 7 pages and in so doing have finished Chapter 22!

Hooray
karen

Excerpt from Today's Nonstop

photo of the Gobi Desert by ramarary

I usually do a nonstop every day when I am writing. This is where I set the timer for 10 or 20 minutes, then write whatever comes to mind. Sometimes I just let myself go, sometimes I try to steer my thinking toward the issue at hand. Here is a portion of one I wrote today:


"So what do I do now? Do I just lie down and let my mind wander? Go stretch? Look at pictures? Read through the stuff I wrote yesterday? That’s not a bad idea. Just waiting. Filling the well and waiting. Maybe spend some just sitting and looking out the window, then spend some time looking over my notes and research material. Or maybe I could just go back to the opening (of ch 22) and describe things. Hmm... When I think about doing that there is resistance. I used to pay that feeling heed. Not so sure I should now.

"Maybe I should just have at it. Decide to write something. Anything. Sit here, as Anne Lamott recommends and close my eyes, breathing slowly and quietly and let my mind wander. then stare into space or out my window and let the images come. Just a small, one-inch image. Describe that. one sentence. Then another sentence, with no real concern for what it’s doing. I rather like that idea right now. So I could go back to what I’ve started in chapter 22 and do that.

"But I kind of don’t want to go over the all the notes and research again. Because it’s not that I’m going to take that material and put it down necessarily. It's only grist for the mill, ingredients for the cake. Not all of it will go in, not all of it will be part... and it's already there in my head. I read about it yesterday and there are things that do stand out. Those are what my talent and the Spirit will grab onto and bring to mind. I don't really need to "know" it all. I think maybe it’s like Paul said about speaking to the council -- that he didn't need to know what he was going to say because the Spirit would provide the words. In this case, don’t worry, don’t try to take too much control. Just go and start writing and trust the Spirit to provide the words and images you need. And be patient. Wait for Him to work in His time, not yours."


In the end I wrote 8 pages of first draft -- ch 22.

Karen

Reflections on Soaring

When the eagle soars, he doesn’t have to work. The shape of his wings and his momentum are what provide the lift along with the rising air currents. All he has to do is extend his wings and float, so of course he’s not going to get tired. He’s just lying there...Resting. Waiting. Letting other forces carry him along.

We like to flap our wings. It feels good and strong to flap flap flap and suddenly, wow! you gain a bit of speed and lift and you’re flying. Only to fall back to earth panting, dazed and exhausted. But oh, that bit when you were in the air – stimulating in the extreme. Flapping comes naturally to us.

By contrast the eagle most often begins his flight by jumping off a cliff. The very last thing we want to do! Jumping off cliffs does not come at all naturally.

The analogy continues as you consider that the shape of the eagle's wings is the way God made him to be, tools he’s been given that he had no say over and did not make. For us, that would be all the things God has given us at salvation in the spiritual realm, including the filling of the Spirit -- and the means of regaining it when we sin -- and His word. The eagle’s momentum comes from flying – from jumping off the cliff and gliding away. After he has glided a bit, he flaps his wings to gain more altitude so he can float some more. For us, flying would be learning the doctrine (flapping – because it does take effort to learn), believing it, then applying it to the circumstances of our lives. Which leads to rest. So... flapping is learning and applying the word to our lives, while floating is the result of that application.

An hour a day listening to/reading the teaching of your pastor. 23 hours resting in what you've learned. No wonder the soaring eagle doesn't get tired.

Grace,
Karen

Boston Marathon 06

Well, we're back from our trip to Boston, MA, where my husband ran in the 11oth Boston Marathon. We left on Saturday and flew into Providence, RI, so we could attend Resurrection Sunday services at Grace Bible Church in Somerset. It was a wonderful experience to see the new chapel and all the work they've done, to reconnect with dear friends and to share the special celebration service live and in person. Plus I was completely blown away when the Pastor not only singled us out as having come all the way from Arizona, but then he mentioned my books as well!

Afterward we raced off to Boston to attend the expo, pick up my husband's race packet and attend the Pre-race pasta dinner with a gazillion other people at City Hall. On Marathon Monday, after a buffet breakfast at the hotel, my son and I set off on foot to explore Boston Common, Beacon Street and the Public Gardens, then headed over to Boylston Street where the race was set to end. Since hubby was not to arrive until 3:10pm at the earliest we made our way leisurely along the route, checked out the subway, then watched the start of the wheelchair racers and elite women on the big screen TV. (Boston Common photo by tostie14)

At that point my son discovered the hub on the Prudential building (the taller of the two in the photo at the left) and we took an elevator up 50 floors (!) to to get a bird's eye view of Boston. That and the plane ride both reinforced the things I was thinking about with respect to the soaring eagle. You see so much more how everything fits together from way up there. It was phenomenal. From there we figured out where the race course was and watched the first wheelchair racer come down Commonwealth Avenue, speed up to Boylston, then down to the finish line. (Skyscraper photo by tostie14)

The view also gave us a good idea where we wanted to be to cheer my husband, so we went down the 50 floors and made our way out to about the 25 mile mark on Commonwealth Avenue where we got a railside position to watch and clap and yell. After he passed us, it took us half an hour to get back through the crowds to the end where he was to meet us in the Family Meeting area. A dinner of clam chowder and sour dough bread, followed by a ride in a horse-drawn carriage with the temps in the 40s and the wind on the rise (research!) brought us back to our hotel. There we completed an incredible day by watching one of our favorite shows, 24. (cheering marathon crowd photo by cocolinda)

Tuesday we flew back to Tucson, and between the time change, the events of Monday and the nonstop action we were exhausted. I'm still feeling the effects today and made very little progress, but at least I've started thinking about chapter 22.

enjoy!
Karen

Happy Resurrection Sunday

Don't know if this will work, but I wanted to try it. Click on the link below for my Resurrection Sunday greeting...

Resurrection Sunday Greeting

A crazy week

We're gearing up for another trip. And so of course the dog has begun to have problems. Bear is our 11-going-on-12 year old Redbone Coonhound and my writing buddy. He's lying beside me as I type this, in fact. My getting published has been very hard on the guy. Until then he was a strong, quick, healthy athletic dog. The soundest dog we've ever had. But for four years now, every time I have a deadline, or get ready to take any kind of trip, suddenly he is beset with some new and mysterious ailment. These include several different bouts of tick fever, never officially diagnosed but always resolved by the treatment for tick fever, hot spots, allergic rash all over his ears which showed up when we were away from home, an aural hematoma, vestibular something or other -- an inner ear malfunction that upsets balance -- and chronic kidney failure, which started last summer and is ongoing.

Last weekend he developed a minor problem with incontinence owing to his age and some of the problems of kidney failure, and the standard medication for that ailment was prescribed. Two days later he started to have increasing tremors. Since he lies beside me while I'm working and tends to follow me around through the house he was always right there where I could see the tremors. He staggered and wobbled when he walked, or suddenly got up, only to stand there staring at the floor, twitching and trembling.

I'm the kind of person that can't stand not knowing what is going on (probably why the Lord puts me in so many situations where not only do I not know but I can't seem to find out) and so I went to the Internet, searching for side effects to the drug, and for information on tremors. Nothing to indicate the problem should be from the drug, so the next day I gave him another pill... and he seemed to get worse. Long story short, it was the medication. We took him off it and he's getting better. Still not hundred per cent but way better than two days ago.

You probably think with all that, I didn't get much work done this week, but I am a little amazed to report that I actually finished chapters 19 and 21 (I'll go back to do 20 once I'm done with 22). Given the level of distraction, I'm not sure how that happened. Grace of God, of course. Sometimes it's more obvious than others.

Onward,
Karen

Soaring Eagle

National Wildlife Federation Christmas card
Sacred Heights by Daniel Smith

I was thinking about soaring eagles and prairie chickens the other day and recalled this card we received last Christmas. I dug it out of my pile of papers and was struck by how relevant it suddenly seemed to me. The fact that the eagle is ALONE is a big one. As is the fact that when he is soaring, he's not really doing anything, just resting on the wind currents. His perspective is high and far. And even though there are storm clouds all around, there is light bursting through them. Beautiful picture of our life with God.

He soars above it all, and below him, far, far out of sight are the prairie chickens -- flocking and squawking and chattering. Fluttering, clucking, scratching in the dirt, huddling together, going after bugs and seeds. They find safety in numbers (you only have to fly faster than one other prairie chicken to escape the predator!). Where one goes they all go, often without thought. It's a horizontal existence and a horizontal perspective.

But the eagle lives in the heights. He lives with the higher, bigger, broader perspective. And he is at peace. Ironically, the title of the card is "Peace on earth" and after reading that, it hit me that the only way one can have true peace while on earth is to be a soaring eagle.

Is 40:31 Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired. They will walk and not become weary.

Here's to soaring as we wait for the Lord,
Karen

Prairie Chickens

Prairie Chicken photos by Teo

Ever heard the story of the eagle’s egg that was placed in the nest of a prairie chicken? When the eaglet hatched, he was raised as a prairie chicken. Instead of soaring in the heights as he was meant to do, he lived like a prairie chicken with the other prairie chickens -- tied to the ground. Prairie chickens live in flocks, and they cannot fly very high or very far. Whenever they do fly, it is with great effort of running and flapping their wings. They scratch in the dirt after seeds and bugs, and they do whatever the other prairie chickens do.

The eaglet grew up and learned to scratch in the dirt for seeds and bugs. He never flew very far and whenever he did, it was with great effort and flapping of his wings. He only did what the other prairie chickens did.

One day he chanced to look up and saw something flying high in the sky. “What is that?” he asked of his prairie chicken companion.

“That is a soaring eagle,” said the prairie chicken. “But don’t get any ideas. You could never be like that – you’re just a prairie chicken like the rest of us. Your wings aren’t broad enough or strong enough to soar like that. Besides, you don’t want to be up there all alone… Oh! Look! There on the ground! It’s a little black beetle!”

And the prairie chicken ran as fast as his stubby legs and flapping wings could carry him, clucking and squawking as he pecked the beetle out of the dirt.

It’s an analogy of course, a picture of the world and of the people in the world whose concerns are horizontal, earthly, temporary. They can fly, perhaps, but not very high, and not very far and it takes a great amount of energy. Once we become believers, though, we no longer have to live like prairie chickens – we can live like soaring eagles. But first we have to know there is a difference. Second we have to know what we were meant to be. And third… we have to learn how to soar.

I Jn 2:15 Do not love the world, nor the things of the world.

Grace and peace,
Karen

Writing is hard

The following is something I took from the book Overcoming Writing Blocks by Karin Mack & Eric Skjei (It was published in 1979 by JPTarcher, Inc., and you can get it used from Amazon here). I think I've probably used this one book more than any other during all the time I've been writing. I adapted these passages to fit my situation because it pretty well describes what writing is like for me and is another reminder of why I want to check email!

"You take some notes, make a list or two, then, if you’re not too blocked, you launch into spinning out a sequence of story events. But no sooner do you have an event or two in line, than you begin to see that your first considerations weren’t quite on target. This isn’t quite the way you wanted it to be. It’s not going to work because you see some other considerations that will alter it. Suddenly you are in the middle of the quest for the best possible events and ordering of those events. Or you look ahead and see a new line of conflict appearing that could reshape the story in a better way. You see how each added event, or character, or motivation, or world situation, like a stone tossed into a still pool, sends out ripple after ripple, each merging with and altering the others.

"Precious story patterns shift, disintegrate, then reform into something quite new and different, but still composed of the same basic elements. So you realign your thinking, and your writing, and you start over. (Or, if the critical feeling gets too strong, and you begin to feel that what’s coming together in a storyline isn’t quite right enough or good enough, you falter and stop dead in your tracks.) The chase can be exhilarating or stupefying, but it’s never easy.

"Zigzagging like this from creation to criticism and back again is often extremely frustrating, especially if you magnify it by feeling guilty about not being able to put together a story line in a short order of time. Those who aren’t used to the process (and even those who are) often find themselves terribly beaten down by the feeling that they’re wandering aimlessly around, getting nowhere. A deceptively small internal voice . . . keeps wondering why you seem so ambivalent and indecisive. “Don’t you know what you think?” it whispers. “C’mon, just get it out. Stop being so indecisive! Maybe you can’t do this after all. The other two worked, but this is just too complicated, too complex. You’ve bitten off way more than you can chew!”

"This experience of constantly discovering new possibilities, alternate ways to proceed, fresh ways to restructure and recast what you’ve devised, rich as it may sound, can induce confusion, fear, and eventually, blocking of the writer’s decision-making faculties. This is especially true because there’s never enough time to thoroughly explore all the possible permutations of the work. Deadlines are nipping at the writer’s heels. She can’t afford to indulge in endless speculation and experimentation. Decisions must be made, and they must be made now. So there can arise a paralyzing conflict between the need to understand the alternatives and the equally powerful need to bring the task to an end.

"It takes energy and self-control to do all this. You have to be able to concentrate, to form your thoughts, to pick those that are central to the topic, and reject those that aren’t. You have to be able to articulate them, to name them with sufficient accuracy and lucidity that someone else will know what you’re talking about. There’s no easy way to do this."

Indeed.

grace,
Karen

Creativity

From the Artlex.com page on creativity:

"Creativity - The ability or power to create. Productivity with originality and expressive qualities; imagination; newness. This typically requires getting comfortable with not knowing what you're doing."

Well I can certainly relate to this last statement! And I am getting comfortable with it.

Yesterday we drove to Phoenix for our Wednesday lunch to include one of our friends who lives up there. We had a fabulous time -- talked all the way up and back and while there, as well. What a tremendous blessing and privilege to be able to spend time with like-minded believers who are also intimate friends.

Didn't get any writing done, of course, but I think I made some huge progress in other areas relating to distractions. Tuesday I put together a tentative outline for the rest of part 2 and today I began to work on chapter 19, starting to develop the first scene. The day started with me having a vague idea of three events that would take place and the order in which they would. But nothing more than that. Not any of the connections between them, no sense of the place where they would occur, no sense of their importance to the story -- were they events that only needed to have happened? Or events that needed to be shown. It's simmering.

I'm looking forward to what tomorrow... or maybe even tonight... will bring.

Karen

The doors are closing -- Part 2

When I was finally able to say that it truly didn’t matter if I was never published or successful was when I began to live in a consistent state of peace. Yes, I knew I would be disappointed if rejection came alone or my book sales were less than robust, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. Because ultimately I knew -- and still do -- that God’s plan is perfect, and He’s far more concerned with my happiness and well-being than I am.

This was not an easy place to get to. It's not a matter of just deciding not to care any more. In fact, I believe that is impossible to make oneself truly not care. It takes time. It takes the consistent learning and metabolizing and applying of the principles of God's word under the filling of the Holy Spirit. The rewards of coming to know God as He has revealed Himself through His word are vast, and the concepts He puts forth can solve every problem we'll ever face.

So today I thought I'd share some of the principles that have a made a big difference in my own thinking, particularly with regard to living with the waiting and uncertainty that are so typical of the lives of most writers, published and unpublished. (And maybe, when it gets down to it, typical of all of us).

The first is the importance of appying the command to destroy speculations and every lofty thing that raises itself against the thoughts of God. We're to capture every thought to the obedience of Christ, 2 Co 10:5 tells us, a principle I'd known for some time before I ever began to actively apply it. I think at first I didn't realize just how important it was. And then I was flummoxed when applying didn't go very well. Realizing that captives don't like to stay captive, and will constantly try to escape did a lot for my resolve and perseverence. I have to keep doing this constantly, often with the same sorts of thoughts, but I've learned that's the way it's going to be. Especially at first.

One of the most important thoughts to capture is one I learned courtesy of Elisabeth Elliot: Stay out of the Future! What's going to happen tomorrow -- or next year -- is information you will NEVER have and seeking after it is a futile endeavor that saps the strength and and uses up time given to us today. Stay out of it. Don't speculate, don't daydream, don't extrapolate -- good or bad. "Our lives are His' our times are in His hands. He is lord over what WILL happen, never mind what may happen."

Similar to that is to stay out of places where you are not. Like the editor's office (Is he reading my manuscript now? Is he liking it? Is he hating it?) or readers' heads, or bookstores, or booksellers' heads. These are all places you cannot go, and any scenarios your imagination comes up with will probably be wrong. It's a huge waste of time that, again, saps your energy and drains your enthusiasm. Don't go there.

If you know you have a gift for writing, or even if you think you do, and if you have the desire and time to use it, do so. If you want to be published, do whatever things you can that will lead toward that goal. But leave the results to Him. If you get rejections, oh well. All you know from a rejection is that your book is not going to be published by that house and that editor at that time. That's all. If you get ten rejections, you still only know that those editors/houses at those times are not in God's plan. You don't know what the future holds, so don't try to extrapolate. Don't fight with your negative thoughts and try to argue or excuse them away. Just refuse to think them and concentrate on truth. If worse comes to worst, distract yourself by doing something else.

If it seems like the battle is primarily in your thoughts, that's because it is. Some thoughts -- like fear and worry and doubt -- are sins and need to be confessed. But I found that just being able to recognize and cut off my little thought trips to the future and other folks' heads, and thus keep my eyes on God and His plan for the moment, was tremendously helpful in holding on to His peace while waiting. Maybe it will help someone else as well.

Grace and peace!
Karen

20 hours on the road

Photo: San Francisco Peaks, Flagstaff, AZ

Well we had a whirlwind trip, driving up to Flagstaff in northern Arizona on Friday, then on to Moab, Utah, on Saturday for the memorial service of my husband's uncle. On Saturday morning we packed the car in a light snow flurry -- what a treat for us poor southwesterners who rarely see even rain. The drive was fantastic, rain showers sprinkling us now and then as the clouds swept dramatically across great vistas formed by the vast mesas that make up the area. I always get inspired to paint, but all I did this trip was snap a shot of the San Francisco Peaks outside our hotel room in Flagstaff on Sunday morning. All the best shots truly seem to be from the middle of the freeway... We left Moab Saturday evening and returned to Flag, then came home the next day. Twenty hours in the car. But we have no regrets.

I got no writing done, but knew I wouldn't, so I ended up with finishing chapter 16 as of the end of March, six chapters short of my goal of ch 22. Then today I realized that since I had decided last week to split chapter 3 into two chapters, I could go through and re-number everything and ... ta da! I had actually finished through chapter 17. Which puts me only five chapters back. Hey, I'll take whatever progress I can get.

Today was a decompression day. I did laundry and sat around waiting for my creative cupboards to open and scenes to pour forth. Alas, only a few snatches of dialog showed up, but together they made up 3 1/2 pages of Chapter 18. It's a start.

I want to thank all you who commented on my "doors are closing" post. Glad it was helpful and I appreciate the feedback. Tomorrow, maybe I'll do part 2 on it...

Resting in Him,
Karen